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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have reported this RI shop assistant?

308 replies

Vikki88 · 17/12/2013 12:09

I went into my local River Island store today, knowing what I wanted to buy having seen the items online but wanting to try them on before buying. I had the usual “Do you need a hand with anything?” from the shop assistant but I told her I didn’t need any help and she went away.

After seeing me picking up what I wanted, she came back over & asked if I was ok – to which I obviously said yes, she’d only spoken to me 2 minutes ago. Not paying attention to my answer, she then ‘helpfully’ started pointing out other items which she thought were nice before adding that they’d suit me & possibly “even more” than what I had in my hands – all in that annoyingly false happy/enthusiastic voice. Now I can only say that the clothes she was trying to push me towards were frumpy, boring & not at all me. I bit my lip but to me her underlying thoughts were that I didn't have the figure to wear the clothes that I wanted to buy and should wear clothes which covered more… something which really is nothing to do with her.

Already feeling insulted, I ignored her & went to try on my clothes but not before she ‘helpfully’ added she could help me out if I needed any other sizes – we all know what she was insinuating with that. Anyway, I tried on my outfit & as it turns out I did need bigger sizes and I was perfectly willing to go and sort this myself without any fuss. However, as soon as I leave the changing room I see her and she asks, and I quote, “Were they alright for you? Do you need anything bigger?” and with that I’d had enough. I don’t come into shops for snarky comments or to be judged by staff. I said “no” and walked off… I felt too embarrassed to go & actually get the bigger sizes and to give this cow the satisfaction of being right. I did see her supervisor/manager as I was leaving & went over & reported her and she apologised on her behalf – I never report anyone but I thought she deserved it.

The shop assistant was a young girl but that doesn’t give her the right to be blatantly rude to customers. I’m very aware I’ve been putting on weight recently and don’t need people like her making me feel insecure about it. I wonder how many other customers this girl has offended with her lack of tact?

OP posts:
MurderOfGoths · 18/12/2013 09:37

"a more trained assistant would have recognised that and backed off"

A more trained assistant would still have to follow the same rules set out by head office, so not necessarily have been allowed to back off

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 18/12/2013 09:41

Yes. She was saying you are a fat cow and shouldn't even attempt to ever shop at RI or any other high street shop. In fact, you shouldn't leave your house at all.

Or, more likely, she was just doing her fucking job. The next customer will complain that she didn't give them enough attention.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 18/12/2013 09:46

Based on what you have said this is the biggest yabu I've read since august.

You were rude ott and unnecessary. Your own problems are not hers. She did her job.

Do yours - go back and apologise.

southeastastra · 18/12/2013 10:07

i was merely enjoying the overuse of the word 'projecting' i shall give it up forthwith

TaraLott · 18/12/2013 10:15

Poor kid, I hope it's not a temp Christmas job and she's hoping to be taken on full time after Christmas and you've scuppered her chances.

ProfondoRosso · 18/12/2013 12:07

Though I completely agree that the OP overreacted and that reporting the assistant was an unkind thing to do, I'd say to those who are implying OP might be better off in another shop not meant for teenagers and women in their early 20s to bear in mind that the OP is only 25.

That said, my 58 year old ma shops in RI. She nearly bought a Rihanna skirt the other week. And she looks great.

Sunflower49 · 18/12/2013 12:49

I find most River Island clothes frumpy to be honest, but It's a subjective thing whether clothes appear frumpy to some people and not others-I may have a bad idea of what frumpy is!

Pagwatch · 18/12/2013 12:54

Grin at southeast

I want a thread one day where there is a narcissistic and entitled poster projecting her toxic issues around aibu

Original poster
Vikki88 · 18/12/2013 12:56

24 hours on and I concede I might've overreacted in the heat of the moment. Everything I've said stands about the shop assistant, so I won't be apologising like some are suggesting, however I think in hindsight I'd have been better off just biting my lip and getting on with it.

I'm not the nightmare customer that people are trying to paint me as, I don't usually complain about anything. I won't let one bad experience stop me from shopping at River Island in the future.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 18/12/2013 13:03

What still stands? That she looked at you and thought you were a fatso? Because you invented that bit.

Roussette · 18/12/2013 13:11

I find it odd that this has got to you so much. Personally I wouldn't have given it another thought once I left the shop (and yes I have been a size 20 and a size 10 so I know). It is just such an irrelevance in the grand scheme of things. In life, there are people out there who annoy but it is such a small thing isn't it...
(I think calling it 'a bad experience' is ridiculous)

MonsterMunchMe · 18/12/2013 13:13

Nearly 300 messages telling you it's all in your head and you are still not getting it? Really? She did nothing, apart from her job, she was right, you did need a bigger size.

You are utterly deluded. And spiteful and probably jealous of the sales assist tbf

Chippednailvarnish · 18/12/2013 13:55

I bet River Island are wishing your "bad" experience will stop you shopping with them.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 18/12/2013 13:56

Indeed Chipped.

MrsDeVere · 18/12/2013 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cantbelievemyeyes · 18/12/2013 16:43

So you've now decided that you were definitely right all along, as you've always thought. But saying nothing would have been better for you, as you'd have ended up less wound up. Not because you've made an unjustified complaint about the shop assistant possibly thinking you're fat? Great!

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 18/12/2013 18:00

Sometimes I wish that we could see what our own actions cause.

Would be interesting here for example to know what happened

Original poster
Vikki88 · 18/12/2013 18:15

To people like gobbynorthernbird - understand that I was there and you weren't! As angelos02 said, I've go shopping all the time and this is the first time I've ever felt compelled to leave/complain. I am not imagining anything but some people obviously have a problem and refuse to accept my account, for whatever reason.

This is the last I'm saying on it & I will hide this thread now.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 18/12/2013 19:02

Of course it's everyone else. Certainly isn't you Hmm

LittlePeaPod · 18/12/2013 20:18

You sound hard work Op. I bet you never concede you are wrong about anything, do you? Hmm

It's not that we don't accept your account. We are simply answering your question and unanimously say you were been very very unreasonable.

gobbynorthernbird · 18/12/2013 20:31

I understand that I wasn't there. I also understand that you are not psychic. You asked if you were U, unanimous verdict is that you were. You have a complex about your weight, the SA doesn't give a shit.

Financeprincess · 18/12/2013 22:50

Has anybody ever read/seen 'An Inspector Calls' by JB Priestley? One of the plot lines in that is very similar to this situation.

The daughter of a rich family, Sheila Birling, complains about an assistant in a dress shop (the play is set before World War One) because she decides that the assistant thinks she's fat and that she, the assistant, would look better in the dress. All on the basis of a smile by the assistant; somebody else projecting her appearance insecurities!

The girl in question later turns to prostitution to support herself and then kills herself after being treated badly by other members of the same family, but I don't suggest that the same thing will happen in this case!

Caitlin17 · 18/12/2013 23:11

Financeprincess one hopes not , still it's worth considering unintended consequences.

differentnameforthis · 18/12/2013 23:34

She is doing her job, and sounds like she is good at it. Sounds like she knew that you were selecting the wrong sizes (perhaps she knew that the sizes come up smaller in their store, pretty sure I have to get a bigger size in there). And she was right, so she could have saved you from trying on something that didn't fit.

It sounds like your insecurities made you feel like that, not her helpful advice. I think you were wrong to report her because of your insecurities.

ladypete · 19/12/2013 00:11

She was just doing her job. As annoying as it can be, there are guidelines you are told to follow in retail - approaching the customer within 2 minutes, offering extra assistance in the changing rooms etc. This can obviously be perceived as pouncing on customers immediately and being smothering.

I think you sound insecure and should work on building your self esteem.

As she works in the shop she may be aware of certain lines coming up smaller etc. I wouldn't take her comments as insults.