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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have reported this RI shop assistant?

308 replies

Vikki88 · 17/12/2013 12:09

I went into my local River Island store today, knowing what I wanted to buy having seen the items online but wanting to try them on before buying. I had the usual “Do you need a hand with anything?” from the shop assistant but I told her I didn’t need any help and she went away.

After seeing me picking up what I wanted, she came back over & asked if I was ok – to which I obviously said yes, she’d only spoken to me 2 minutes ago. Not paying attention to my answer, she then ‘helpfully’ started pointing out other items which she thought were nice before adding that they’d suit me & possibly “even more” than what I had in my hands – all in that annoyingly false happy/enthusiastic voice. Now I can only say that the clothes she was trying to push me towards were frumpy, boring & not at all me. I bit my lip but to me her underlying thoughts were that I didn't have the figure to wear the clothes that I wanted to buy and should wear clothes which covered more… something which really is nothing to do with her.

Already feeling insulted, I ignored her & went to try on my clothes but not before she ‘helpfully’ added she could help me out if I needed any other sizes – we all know what she was insinuating with that. Anyway, I tried on my outfit & as it turns out I did need bigger sizes and I was perfectly willing to go and sort this myself without any fuss. However, as soon as I leave the changing room I see her and she asks, and I quote, “Were they alright for you? Do you need anything bigger?” and with that I’d had enough. I don’t come into shops for snarky comments or to be judged by staff. I said “no” and walked off… I felt too embarrassed to go & actually get the bigger sizes and to give this cow the satisfaction of being right. I did see her supervisor/manager as I was leaving & went over & reported her and she apologised on her behalf – I never report anyone but I thought she deserved it.

The shop assistant was a young girl but that doesn’t give her the right to be blatantly rude to customers. I’m very aware I’ve been putting on weight recently and don’t need people like her making me feel insecure about it. I wonder how many other customers this girl has offended with her lack of tact?

OP posts:
southeastastra · 17/12/2013 16:07

lol at all the 'you were projectings '

Chippednailvarnish · 17/12/2013 16:13

YANBU. Just completely irrational and vindictive.

Personally I'd avoid River Island and stick to weight watchers instead. Regardless of your size at least they might be able to address your need to relate everything to your weight.

Sunflower49 · 17/12/2013 16:21

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine I agree, I meant to put that in my post actually , the manager being told will not make any difference to the policies of the shop.

I do hope nothing happens to the girl, I don't think it will though if she was just doing her job.But also I hate being smothered in shops and it does make me feel self conscious if I am. And I've no real issues about my looks-just don't like feeling like I'm being watched I guess lol.

ProfondoRosso · 17/12/2013 16:23

Personally I'd avoid River Island and stick to weight watchers instead.

Chipped, was there really any need for that?

Pawprint · 17/12/2013 16:23

I think the girl was trying to be helpful but needs a lesson in tact.

My mum, when aged about 40, went into a shop and tried on a dress. She went out and asked the (male) assistant if he thought she looked like mutton dressed as lamb and he answered, "Well...." She was very put out!

MrsDeVere · 17/12/2013 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDeVere · 17/12/2013 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chippednailvarnish · 17/12/2013 16:33

Profondo as I have clearly said the OP is being completely irrational and it has nothing to do with her size (which could be paranoid size 10 for all we know) and everything to do with her need to relate any perceived slight by the shop assistant to her size.

DreamingofSummer · 17/12/2013 16:37

OP - the sales assistant was trying to assist you so you reported her?

Total nonsense and you should get a grip

TeaAndFag · 17/12/2013 16:39

YABU. Poor girl Sad

Pagwatch · 17/12/2013 16:45

Pawprint

But what if she did look like mutton? Why did she ask if she didn't want an honest reaction to how she looked?

There is a local shop I refuse to go into now because although I love the clothes, the manager is an idiot. I try something on and she gushes oh that looks great! regardless of what I actually look like.
Once I looked so awful I snorted. I looked like a flat chested Liz Taylor themed drag queen. She said 'that's just so fabulous'

I hate that.
I would never ask staff for their opinion because they self evidently can't bloody win.

ProfondoRosso · 17/12/2013 17:00

Yes, I agree Chipped. I agree she was BU, completely.

But Weight Watchers? That was just unkind.

Armadale · 17/12/2013 17:01

thanks HoHoHopasholic, sorry sparkle, ignore my earlier post Blush

Original poster
Vikki88 · 17/12/2013 17:09

ChippedNailVarnish How can you possibly say I relate EVERYTHING to my weight? That's completely untrue, it's other people who've done that and it's not how I wanted this thread to go. And I will keep on going to RI, thanks anyway.

I like your post Sykadelic15 - I think you sum it up quite well so thanks. Smile

Retrospectively, another issue with her is she seemed to assume that because I'm not a size 0 I'd need help with choosing clothes. I love fashion & always have done & I know what I like & what looks good on me - regardless of a shop assistant trying to push me towards clothes my mum would wear. What's done is done though.

OP posts:
MurderOfGoths · 17/12/2013 17:15

" she seemed to assume that because I'm not a size 0 I'd need help with choosing clothes. "

Have you even read the thread?! She would have been asking all customers the same questions, she is hugely unlikely to have singled you out, in this case you are not a special little snowflake

LoveAndDeath · 17/12/2013 17:15

The assistant in M+S once tactfully told me that I would probaby need the next size up as "they fit quite small" . She was right. even if saying "You're deluding yourself if you think you're that small" would have been more accurate!Grin
I imagine you would get quite good at knowing your sizes after a bit of practice.
I work with the public and it can be a nightmare. If you hold back, people think you're unhelpful, if you put yourself forward, you're pushy.

Chippednailvarnish · 17/12/2013 17:16

Err, so if it's not about weight, why are you mentioning size 0?!?!?

As I said you are completely irrational.

AnnabelleLee · 17/12/2013 17:17

She seemed to assume, she insinuated, she was obviously meaning.....god it must be tiring spending so much time imagining what other people aren't might be thinking!
Give it a fucking rest, the vast majority says YABU, take your medicine.

ThePinkOcelot · 17/12/2013 17:19

You sound like a total PITA 2 me. A nightmare customer with a chip on her shoulder

MostWicked · 17/12/2013 17:22

we all know what she was insinuating with that

No we don't. We clearly read very different things into that. I read that to be very helpful and a service I very much appreciate. Had you not had your head stuck so far up your posterior at the time, you could have availed yourself of that service.

She may not have been shop assistant of the year. It might have been her first day and she might have got a couple of words wrong, but she wasn't being rude. The clothes she directed you to were frumpy in YOUR opinion. She may view them as very flattering or high sales items, they could even be targetted items for her, but you took personal offence to that.

You went into that shop with the mindset of not wanting any help. The shop assistant tried to offer help (because she HAS to) and you took everything she said as a personal insult. When you messed up the sizing, your pride was wounded because you got it wrong, so you took it out on her.

I think she deserves an apology.

MurderOfGoths · 17/12/2013 17:25

Most Don't mention the OP's posterior, she'll assume you are suggesting it's larger than average

MostWicked · 17/12/2013 17:27

By the way, I am very tall and slim (well before the kids I was) and I have ALWAYS had shop assistants suggesting different styles or sizes that might suit or fit me better. They do it to all of the customers - It's their job!!

NotYoMomma · 17/12/2013 17:27

is this even real? how you can be told x1000000 that yabu and still not concede that you may be slightly ur is a bit Hmm Confused Confused

im a size 16/18 currently - if she had said to give her a shout if I needed another size I would say 'thanks, will do!'

Topseyt · 17/12/2013 17:27

I can absolutely understand anyone who dislikes being approached by pushy sales assistants when they just want to browse in peace and at their own pace. I am like that when I shop. I like to just potter about and see if anything takes my eye.

However, I do realise that they are all too often being driven by management policy, so they have to shift as much stock as possible as fast as possible. If I feel too hassled by it then I just leave the store rather than allow it to wind me up that much. I have never complained about one. They are just trying to do their job. They are not their store's top management, and they are not well paid. Some of these places to have a very cavalier attitude to their staff, which I don't like and would not want to add to unless the person had been outright rude to me (which the girl you describe doesn't seem to have been).

So, it was unreasonable to report her. Just leave the store.

MostWicked · 17/12/2013 17:28

Most Don't mention the OP's posterior, she'll assume you are suggesting it's larger than average

Big enough for her very slender head ;)