Am I being unreasonable? Christmas, ex, and my mum

[oldbaghere]

Issue from my other thread but I am raging and may have lost perspective.

My mum is terminal. Pancreatic cancer diagnosed yesterday.

Asked my ex if he would swap and let me have the kids on chrostmas day.

He consulted with his family and says no.

Aibu to think that's totally unfair and he is a cunt?

His SIL had to be consulted. She does year about. She said no and refused to swap, apparently.

I have been told I am not to contact ex MIL or ex SIL. And I won't. The kids have been told that this could be his mother's last Christmas and that they have a duty to her too. I intend to let them go there on Christmas day but they WILL be returned to me at 6pm when we will go to my parents and stay over and be there all of boxing day.

He did indeed get his 21 year old child to phone their grandmother and ask if it was ok that they went elsewhere on Christmas day to whoever asked.

And if he ever asks me any kind of favour ever ever again I am going to say no. I cannot get past that he would do this and I am so angry but I will never ever ever agree to anything else for a favour for him ever ever again.

OP, how old is your mum? Just wondering if it was sort of expected? xx By the way, I wouldn't let ex upset the day at all, you have a lovely day with your mum and the kids will join you in the excitement later, it will be fine xxx

Shes just 70. So it really wasn't expected.

Well OP I'm really sorry, but def don't let him spoil it, and don't forget older kids tend to not get up till lunchtime anyway, so he may not get to see much of them anyway

I jsut don't understand his mindset. In other ways too. Daft stuff. I do stockings for the kids and I had bought nice santa and snowman ones when they were younger. Lsat year I got more grown up ones for the younger ones and he got DD to ask me today if he coudl have the santa and snow man for his brother's young children.

And I actually don't know what to say.

"Get fucked"

Sorry you are going through this OP. it must be utterly baffling when a person turns out to be such a total and utter shit.

IGNORE HIM ignore ignore xx

Right. So. He's told me no to Christmas Day. He KNOWS I'm fuming. He KNOWS I'm beyond angry.

But he has the GALL to get DD to ask me for some felt christmas stockings that would cost him maybe a fiver total out of poundland??

Why on earth would anyone think that was appropriate?? On what planet is that even reasonable?

He is trying to wind u up, big smile and DONT LET HIM xx

Ignore him OP, he's just trying to get to you. Don't give him the air space!

This thread has made me so angry on your behalf OP. Just remind yourself that he has to live with what a terrible human being he is.

I wonder if he has told MIL and SIL the truth if you are forbidden from speaking to them.

I am so sorry about your mother and my heart goes out to you.

Also, what the hell has it got to do with his sister in law? Do older kids really spend time with their uncles and aunties at xmas?

Quite frankly Id be tempted to say that the kids are old enough to now sort out their own holiday arrangements and you have no contact with him ever again! xx

I'm confused. The children are not young, they are old enough to have their say over contact, so it can't be court ordered or enforced. Surely the answer is to speak to your children instead of being furious at your ex because unfortunately, he's probably not going to change.

I agree Candy, the OP should opt out of having anything to do with ex xx

Wtf has it got to do with your sil? Cheeky cow.

Some of the kids are old enough, but some aren't candy, so the older ones are going along with it for the sake of the younger ones because it IS court ordered for the youngers.

I just texted him "WRT santa and snowman stockings. Are you fucking kidding me?"

Oldbag I am so sorry you're going thro this.

From now I'd have just one text for any requests he makes; 'That won't be possible' no emotion, no apology, no nothing, just nope.

That also takes away any satisfaction he may derive from knowing he is upsetting you.

Fuzzy that's a brilliant response. Because he can't argue with that.

And now I am going to go and have a bath and get some and see if I can sleep tonight.

OP - (I refuse to call you your username as you are far from it!) You stay strong. Just accept you were with a twat and it has taken a while to notice but you owe him nothing and actually don't have to even answer his pathetic texts. People treat you how you allow them too and you don't have to allow such crap from him.

Your ex is a dick. A complete an utter dick as is his sister. FWIW my DHs ex phoned the DSSs an berate them for authorising one days absence so thu attend their Grandmother's (DH's mum''s) funeral. So you're not the only one with a dickheady ex and the kids do eventually recognise them for what they are. so sorry about your mum.

"Get fucked"

I spat my tea out reading that.

He is enjoying playing mindfuck games isn't he? Definitely go with the unemotional txt responses. Get all the emotion bit out here or with RL friends first. You could always play MN bingo with him "Did you mean to be do rude?".

So sorry to hear about your mum.

*so

I'm so sorry you're going through this. What a horrible situation.

Your ex is a cunt tbh, which is about the most helpful thing I can say.

Thinking of you.