Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re.YR and evening Christmas play?

341 replies

MolotovCocktail · 16/12/2013 16:44

Dd is 4.10yo in YR. She is doing her school Christmas play this week: one tomorrow and one on Wednesday. There is also an evening performance tomorrow which parents have not been asked about. A letter was sent home today telling us to return our children to school at 6.

My dd has been quite tired in the evenings (end of term fatigue, I think). If I'd been asked, I wouldn't have given permission to do the evening slot.

WIBU if I didn't return her to school tomorrow evening if she's tired?

OP posts:
brettgirl2 · 16/12/2013 21:38

I'm with starball. dd has been tired this weekend but because she was ill all last week.

sandyballs · 16/12/2013 21:40

Can I just ask those who are against this 6pm performance, do you ever do anything late in the evening with your kids or is bedtime always so strictly enforced?

Must be very limiting for all the family.

LingDiLong · 16/12/2013 21:40

Ok so you're panicking about a late bed time and you don't even know what time it finishes? Why don't you find that out before making a decision! Doesn't your dd know the concert is happening? Mine would be gutted to miss out on something like that, even at that age

NoComet · 16/12/2013 21:41

I have nothing against routines that make day to day life easier.

What I object to is parents who are too scared to vary them for things like this, or so older siblings can stay and play with their friends or they can stay and chat after a meal.

We have to get home for little X's bed time, when little X and their older siblings are playing happily, verges on the rude.

SuburbanRhonda · 16/12/2013 21:42

You have clearly already made your mind up, OP, so I'm a bit Hmm as to why you bothered with this thread at all.

Just be aware that in future school productions, main parts are likely to be given only to those children who are reliable (unless they are unwell, of course). That's only fair to the other performers.

NoComet · 16/12/2013 21:43

Anyway, infant plays are mercifully short.

Make the most of it, we have been back from senior school, everyone gets a turn, concerts at 11pm.

CrohnicallySick · 16/12/2013 21:45

If it's anything like our play, the play will be done and children changed and dispatched by 7.

NoComet · 16/12/2013 21:45

School the next day and aforementioned 7.30 bus. That was taking it a bit far!

FTRsGotAShinyNewNN · 16/12/2013 21:45

My DS is in reception and his school have done 4 performances this week, 3 afternoon and 1 morning. I work 5 afternoons and have no annual leave days left not already booked, had I not got a ticket to the morning performance I would not have been able to attend. Even of that were the case I don't think an evening performance would be a better alternative.
DS is 5 in 2 weeks but he still is a monster if overtired and I wouldn't want him to participate in a performance that only started at 7pm (which is bedtime).
You know your child best but I would say something to the teacher in the morning at drop off if she won't be attending

Original poster
MolotovCocktail · 16/12/2013 21:47

I hadn't made my mind up at all and asked on here as to whether to act on my initial feeling WBU.

It seems to have divided opinion. I'm not 100% sure yet what I'll do. If dd wants to take part tomorrow, I'll happily take her in but if not, I won't. And the school will know this.

I'll bear in mind the impact this decision might have upon future performances. It's a huge worry. I wonder how UCAS will take such news?

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 16/12/2013 21:48

FTR, if OP has known since October about this performance, I think it's extremely disrespectful to the teachers to leave it until the morning of the performance to let them know her DD won't be turning up for it.

NoComet · 16/12/2013 21:48

Anyway both my two have colds and need chasing to bed.

The general, teen, when you are tired rule does not apply tonight, as DD1 didn't go to school. Having slept all morning, she will be silly.

lottieandmia · 16/12/2013 21:49

'Can I just ask those who are against this 6pm performance, do you ever do anything late in the evening with your kids or is bedtime always so strictly enforced?'

I never do anything that means my 4 y o wil be in bed late unless my mum can look after her. But I can accept that maybe some people's 4 year olds can cope better with late nights than she can.

'Just be aware that in future school productions, main parts are likely to be given only to those children who are reliable'

Nobody remembers who did what in the last Christmas play and reception aged kids usually have a small part anyway.

SuburbanRhonda · 16/12/2013 21:50

What has the university admissions service got to do with anything, OP?

Or was that you trying - and failing - to be funny?

Wishihadabs · 16/12/2013 21:51

The other thing is, thinking about starball's post, is its actually quite good for them to learn that sometimes you do feel a bit tired and you just have to carry on. Otherwise they might grow in to those adults who think the world is ended if they don't get their 8 hours every night. ;)

SuburbanRhonda · 16/12/2013 21:52

Lottie, teachers have to remember who was in the play because if they have a child whose parents don't bring them in for a scheduled performance, they will in all likelihood not give that child a main part because they may not turn up, letting down the other performers who have worked hard on the show.

lottieandmia · 16/12/2013 21:56

I disagree Suburban. That's not how it works at our school. At 4 the same expectations cannot be applied as at 7. And at such a young age it's unclear which children will be right for big roles in the future.

Jinty64 · 16/12/2013 21:58

Our school concert is always 7pm - 8:30pm and includes the nursery classes. They have an interval after the infants performance for parents to collect their children, either to take them home or to bring them Back into the hall to watch their older siblings. Many parents choose to bring them in to watch. I'm sure most will be fine.

soverylucky · 16/12/2013 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LingDiLong · 16/12/2013 21:59

Lottie, you NEVER do anything that means a late night for your 4 year old? Why, what do you think would happen if you did?!

Look, my kids don't stay up very late very often. 9pm on a weekend night is about the limit for my 9 and 7 year old and the 3 year old rarely stays up because she doesn't ask to! So I'd say I'm pretty anal about routines, but I really struggle to see how one slightly late night for a 4 year old, once a year is so ludicrous as some posters seem to think.

It does seem a shame that some seem to think these kinds of performances shouldn't even ever happen, even though the majority of 4 year olds could not just cope with it but actually ENJOY it. I can't help but think it's the parents who struggle to cope with late nights more than their kids.

Wishihadabs · 16/12/2013 22:00

Thing is Lottie what about sleepovers (v. common from yr 1 on IME) ? I can only assume your dd is a pfb as second and third dcs frequently have to tag a long to football practice (7pm finish) or brownies (7:30 finish). I do accept that your dd is still in reception, but more and more stuff is scheduled for the early evening and they have to learn to cope with it at some point. This seems like a good place to start.

CaterpillarCara · 16/12/2013 22:05

Lottie - when I was a reception parent, the teacher made it very clear to me that parents (as well as children) have notes about them handed up through the school.

Schools do need to know. e.g. if Mrs X says she'll help on the school trip, will she actually show up and will she watch other kids or just her own. If you lend school items to Mr Y, will they ever come back. Miss Z complains all the time, so do listen but try not to take it to heart. Mrs W is very nervous around schools, so try to be sensitive when you speak to her. Etc.

I think you are quite right that expectations of a four year old versus a seven year old will be different. But in this case, the person who is in the wrong will be the OP - the adult, not the child - she has had two months to communicate concerns and said nothing.

I think if she had said some time ago that her child would not attend the evening, then yes, in three years time the school would think "Let's ask Molotov if LittleMolotov would like the lead, I know she was not keen on late nights in the past, but she is always so good at communicating and making her position clear, that if she says she'll be there, we'll believe her".

But letting them know on the morning (or even later as she initially suggested) is poor communication and may well be remembered - meaning they doubt her reliability in bringing her child to all the shows.

Wishihadabs · 16/12/2013 22:07

Oh and I have to say this whole putting dcs to bed ridiculously early is sooo english. In continental Europe no way would the younger members of the school or families miss the evening show, it might well start at 8:30 and likely the d s would eexpected to be ceded afterwards.

SatinSandals · 16/12/2013 22:11

Whether or not she should stay up is not the thing that matters. She has had 2 months notice , 2 months! And she has waited until the day to mention it. October, before the casting, was the time to mention it!

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 16/12/2013 22:11

I would allow dd to do also in reception, but there again my routine is pretty messed up this time of the year. DS isn't coping and he has only just gone to sleep him not sleeping means the whole house don't sleep.