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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re.YR and evening Christmas play?

341 replies

MolotovCocktail · 16/12/2013 16:44

Dd is 4.10yo in YR. She is doing her school Christmas play this week: one tomorrow and one on Wednesday. There is also an evening performance tomorrow which parents have not been asked about. A letter was sent home today telling us to return our children to school at 6.

My dd has been quite tired in the evenings (end of term fatigue, I think). If I'd been asked, I wouldn't have given permission to do the evening slot.

WIBU if I didn't return her to school tomorrow evening if she's tired?

OP posts:
jellybeans · 18/12/2013 17:23

At our concert about half the reception kids looked sad, tired and fed up. Subjecting them to that twice in one day would be cruel (both day and evening shows on same days). Evening ones at 7 goes on till 8 30 by the time they are done. There is also church talks in between the singing. No way would I take DS back he almost feel asleep the first time. I don't mind if it affects him getting big parts in future. His welfare comes first.

MerryMarigold · 18/12/2013 17:40

I know it was goady. Apologies. It does irritate me though when working mums want:
An evening performance
Plus for no-one to even very DARE think this is an inconvenience to 4yo kids.

Talk about wanting it all.

SuburbanRhonda · 18/12/2013 17:44

What about non-working parents wanting:

A daytime performance
Optional attendance at the evening performance so as not to impinge on their DCs bedtime

Talk about wanting it all Xmas Wink

MerryMarigold · 18/12/2013 18:27

A daytime performance is standard, during school hours, not an optional extra. How do you know I'm not a working parent who is willing to take time off?

MerryMarigold · 18/12/2013 18:29

Imagine if attendance at the summer fete was not optional? What if you had other plans that weekend?

lottieandmia · 18/12/2013 18:31

But suburban - the needs of young children have to come first. My children's father finds it very difficult to get time off work for anything. Summer this year was the first time he was able to get the day off to see dd2 at sports day - she's in year 5. I doubt anyone would expect sports day to be held in the evenings.

jellybeans · 18/12/2013 18:47

Part of the reason I SAH is to be able to go to these events. DH comes to what he can as well. Almost all the working parents in DS class came to daytime nativity which was good. There was no evening one. For some parents evenings are harder. Kids that go to bed early, younger sibs, prior commitments, live a long way from school, lack of transport , lone parents who aren't allowed to bring younger sibs and have no babysitters, mental health issues etc etc. Of course some people will say they walked an hour through the snow or with 5 siblings in tow but some people genuinely can't make it. It isn't compulsory, I don't see the problem. Most people will turn up although less of reception.

Original poster
MolotovCocktail · 18/12/2013 18:59

Of course that's true, wishi, although I ( nor anyone else ) have implied that the needs of the youngest children are any greater than the needs of the older children in primary school.

OP posts:
Wishihadabs · 18/12/2013 19:35

No but I found it a huge adjustment (my age gap is similar to yours) that no-one realy gave a shit that for example 2pm (a v. Common time for meetings etc IME) was nap time. I had been on baby/toddler time for 4 and a half years, adjusting to schooltime was tricky.

ilovesooty · 18/12/2013 19:36

MerryMarigold most of the secondary schools I've worked in certainly wwouldn't be keen on staff missing classes to watch a school nativity. My current place of work is pretty family friendly but there are certain events and situations where you are told quite clearly that requests for annual leave will be refused.

MerryMarigold · 18/12/2013 19:40

I understand that, but I think it's then a bit much to slate people for finding it an inconvenience.

Gluezilla · 18/12/2013 20:45

Seriously - the school nativity play is now an inconvenience Confused
One evening per year and its all the fault of WOHM !
Well fuck me sideways - who knew that SAHM are in charge of everything Hmm ... Except its often WOHD who cant attend during the day...

lottieandmia · 18/12/2013 21:26

But it is not just one evening a year. It is one evening a year plus all the other pre-Christmas hype at the end of the first term a child has done, which is also the longest.

Hulababy · 18/12/2013 21:30

We have secondary school teachers attend our primary school nativities. And primary school teachers too.

When I was a secondary school teacher I was allowed some limited time off for going to dd's nursery show.

As a primary school HLTA I have also been allowed time off to go to my own dd's shows/assembly/sports day.

Depends on how flexible your HT is and how well your colleagues work with you covering one another etc in my experience.

MerryMarigold · 18/12/2013 22:04

gluezilla, do you seriously think it is not an inconvenience to get your child back to school on a weeknight? Especially when they've already done it that day during the day, everyone is tired, busy etc. I don't know what makes you think I need to think it's actually not inconvenient at all. Does the world normally revolve around you without any acknowledgment?

SuburbanRhonda · 19/12/2013 07:53

lottie my DC's dad has never watched them in anything during the day in 14 years. So I do sympathise with you, but you are not the only one!

I think we've missed the point of the OP. If a parent is not willing or able to bring their child in for the evening performance because it would interrupt their routine, that's fine. But the OP was proposing not letting the school know until the last minute, or leaving them to assume she wasn't coming because she hadn't turned up.

If that was my child I would write to the school at the beginning of the year and ask for my child to be given a chorus part only in school productions, or one from which I could absent him / her with no impact on the other children.

Lilacroses · 19/12/2013 10:39

The evening performance of the Key Stage 1 nativity is the most eagerly anticipated, magical event of the school year in the school where I teach. We light a path across the playground with lanterns and make it really special. We had ours last night. It was absolutely fantastic, seeing the joy and excitement on the faces of the children who were singing their little hearts out and the parents cheering and applauding so loudly it nearly took the roof off made me realise how lucky I am to do this job. Such a special, magical experience to be part of. For some reason the afternoon performances never have quite the same atmosphere!

Lilacroses · 19/12/2013 10:41

We literally have one or two parents who do not bring their children to perform because they have other plans or are ill. Fair enough but it is a tiny minority. Most children and parents relish the chance to come and wouldn't miss it for the world.

CrohnicallySick · 19/12/2013 15:05

We had ours last night. 6pm start, finished, changed and on their way home by 7pm.

8 children (out of a class of 30) didn't turn up. Of which 2 were ill (had been absent from school that day) and 1 parent had said they couldn't come back for whatever reason. Not exactly a tiny minority! Oh, and this was a year 1 class, not even YR.

The children did do really well though, ironically they performed their dances better that night than they ever had before, even though so many children were missing from the line up. Although the singing was a little subdued, it's hard for tiny voices to make up the missing number.

lottieandmia · 19/12/2013 15:19

The thing is though, a lot of kids do after school activities/sports and dance so that probably factors in as well. For people who've already paid for a term's gymnastics or swimming or whatever they probably don't want to waste money. It seems to be the case for older kids anyway.

SuburbanRhonda · 19/12/2013 15:35

You're clutching at straws now, lottie Xmas Wink

CrohnicallySick · 19/12/2013 15:42

Yes, well if children are doing after school activities then presumably they are regular, scheduled things that the parent could, you know, warn the teacher about? The concert dates are usually (at least in the OP's and my cases) mentioned in the October newsletter, at which point it would be polite to say that DC would not be able to make it.

Gluezilla · 19/12/2013 21:07

Lilacroses
Your post wins the thread - Xmas Smile

lottieandmia · 19/12/2013 21:21

I'm not clutching at straws. It's a fact, even though it's slightly irrelevant to the thread - because you mentioned that older children hadn't been able to attend. My original point about the needs of little ones coming first stands as far as I'm concerned.

Original poster
MolotovCocktail · 19/12/2013 21:27

Indeed, Lottie, and the needs of my little girl came first on Tuesday night.

What I've learned from this i
though, is to not second-guess school and to communicate with them sooner if I have concerns about anything like this in the future.

My dd's school is a good school. The staff work hard and it's only fair that we are each as open and honest with each other as possible regarding dd.

OP posts: