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AIBU?

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Original poster

Re.YR and evening Christmas play?

341 replies

MolotovCocktail · 16/12/2013 16:44

Dd is 4.10yo in YR. She is doing her school Christmas play this week: one tomorrow and one on Wednesday. There is also an evening performance tomorrow which parents have not been asked about. A letter was sent home today telling us to return our children to school at 6.

My dd has been quite tired in the evenings (end of term fatigue, I think). If I'd been asked, I wouldn't have given permission to do the evening slot.

WIBU if I didn't return her to school tomorrow evening if she's tired?

OP posts:
Wishihadabs · 16/12/2013 22:12

Don't know what happened there meant to say the dcs would not be fed till afterwards. (Btw we are going out to dinner with our dcs after tommorow night's performance,) it's the end of term ffs, and I am hoping they will be sleeping 10-8 by the holidays.

lecce · 16/12/2013 22:12

I was so pleased when I saw that the dc's school was doing an evening performance this year. For once, no stressing about whether I would be unreasonable to ask for the time off, whether I would get it etc. I am a teacher, so it is very difficult for me to get in to school to see these things, as it is for many other WOHPs.

Lottie, does it not occur to you that it is not just those nasty, selfish working adults who want to be able to see their own children in performances every now and again, but that their own children might want them to be there to see the show too? I know it matters to my own dc that I see things as well as their SAHD, and it must be even more so for those dc who have two WOHPs.

They are going to be tired at this time of year anyway...

SuburbanRhonda · 16/12/2013 22:13

Lottie at both the schools where I work, the teachers don't give main parts to children who are unreliable.

No-brainer, really.

NoComet · 16/12/2013 22:14

Yes, DD2(now hopefully asleep) did a lot if tagging along to guides and getting to bed after well approaching 9pm.

It's the lot of younger siblings in rural areas, by the time you have driven back it's later than is ideal.

In fact that gets better, because as they get older we had something's that finished at 8, 8.30 or 9 and DH could pick up and the other DD no longer had to tag along.

Now, I simply leave them at home anyway, they are pretty house trained.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 16/12/2013 22:15

School are not doing a lot in the day time, a few parents was informed that DC had fallen asleep while watching a film today

SuburbanRhonda · 16/12/2013 22:17

Yeah, my DS fell asleep in school, too, Forty.

In GCSE French Grin

Tinpin · 16/12/2013 22:41

Going back in the evening is so exciting . It's dark out side, the schools all lit up and feels different. The children love it. The children from reception cope as well as all the others. Don't deprive her of this experience. It's one night, just one night- well evening actually. She won't come to any harm.

lottieandmia · 16/12/2013 22:48

'Thing is Lottie what about sleepovers (v. common from yr 1 on IME) ? I can only assume your dd is a pfb'

Wrong, I'm afraid - she's my dd3. As for sleepovers - I've never allowed them before about year 2.

lottieandmia · 16/12/2013 22:52

'Lottie, you NEVER do anything that means a late night for your 4 year old? Why, what do you think would happen if you did?!'

What would happen would be that she's be stressed and crying and totally beyond reason and she has plenty of time to do memorable things when she's a little bit older. Plus I have an older disabled child who gets angry when there is undue upset in the household.

lottieandmia · 16/12/2013 22:56

'Lottie - when I was a reception parent, the teacher made it very clear to me that parents (as well as children) have notes about them handed up through the school.'

Really? How very unprofessional.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 16/12/2013 22:58

How do you know that would happen Lottie if your DD has NEVER had a late night?

Killinascullion · 16/12/2013 23:01

FFS, whether a 4YO takes part in a school nativity or not is hardly going to affect his/her chances of auditioning for RADA is it? Get a grip people!

Our school records the play for the benefit of parents unable to attend the daytime performances. Why can't others do the same?

If the school want to keep personal comments about parents on file, they'll be subject to inspection under DPA so I wouldn't bat an eyelid about that either.

lottieandmia · 16/12/2013 23:01

Because I'm her mother perhaps Hmm and I have paid the price in the past for getting her into bed even a few minutes past the window of opportunity when she's reasonable.

OddFodd · 16/12/2013 23:06

Why on earth do reception age children need to do 3 performances of the fucking nativity, including one which is stupidly late for a 4 year old?

This thread is insane. It's really not selfish to refuse to allow your child to wear themselves out in a primary school play.

Don't take your child back to school tomorrow evening if you don't want to, Molotov. It's hardly the West End. Xmas Hmm

I think some of you badly need this

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 16/12/2013 23:08

I think we are just going to have to disagree on this one Lottie but IMO one late night will do no harm and as an earlier poster said just be grateful that you don't live in France, Spain, Germany or Portugal where the culture is very different.

lottieandmia · 16/12/2013 23:14

Believe me, I am grateful. My boyfriend is from Italy. His friends and family are happy to let the kids stay up later and later until they are all totally uncontrollable and fighting amongst themselves as long as the adults are happy. I think it's madness. But yes we'll agree to differ Smile

Lucylouby · 16/12/2013 23:19

oddfodd. Maybe they have to do more performances than you think is necessary because of the number of people wanting to watch it. School halls are generally not the size of a west end theatre and have to limit numbers because of this. And I don't really think a child will wear themselves out from staying up an hour later than usual. I reckon the OP wouldn't mind her dc staying up late if it was something she wanted to do, but it's obviously easy for her to go to the afternoon performance so she doesn't feel the need to put herself out in the evening. Lucky her that she is either a SAHM or has a very understanding boss who can let her take an afternoon of for the school play. We are not all that lucky.

OddFodd · 16/12/2013 23:29

OFGS it's the bloody school nativity. They should just ditch the whole sodding thing for infant aged children. They don't know what the bloody hell is going on anyway and the parents care about 200x more than the kids do.

Getting upset about not being able to attend (and I've been there) is absurd, particularly when half the kids are knackered, cranky and/or weeping. Where's the pleasure in that?

OddFodd · 16/12/2013 23:32

Oh - and the OP's DD doesn't have a speaking part so are you really saying it will ruin your enjoyment of the evening if a few yearR kids with no speaking parts aren't there, Lucy? Really??

It's hardly going to have a huge impact on the mise en scene, is it? Xmas Hmm

Lilacroses · 16/12/2013 23:36

You're right offfodd, it isn't the West End and if parents felt very strongly that they didn't want to bring their child back for it I would understand and not make a fuss but 6 o'clock really isn't that late. Surely children occasionally go to family parties or other events where they stay up later than that?

I think many of the kids absolutely love it! Certainly they do at our school. They have been excited for weeks now about their costumes, learning the songs and going on the stage! One or two hate it and are not put under pressure to perform if they don't want to but most really do get very excited!

OddFodd · 16/12/2013 23:43

That's lovely if the children enjoy it Lila. But making into something that children have to do, whether they want to or not and trying to make parents feel bad for not wanting to force them is entirely different.

Let's face it, most of us are only interested in seeing our own kids anyway.

Lilacroses · 16/12/2013 23:48

Agreed, we normally have a couple who are very reluctant to perform and we don't push it, i't's not everyone's cup of tea after all!

Spermysextowel · 17/12/2013 00:28

I don't see that one late night would be life-changing, but have to say that I did find the UCAS comment funny.

CrohnicallySick · 17/12/2013 06:50

Why is it so unreasonable to pass on messages about parents? Some things really need to be said!

For example, we had a parent helper on a trip. Only thing was, she got very travel sick. Not only did she use up my time having to look after her on the coach, when I had poorly children to look after, when we stopped she abandoned her group of children so she could run to the bathroom.

Should I not have warned the child's next teacher, so when their parent volunteered to go on the next trip they had a repeat?

Wishihadabs · 17/12/2013 07:09

Well OP I stand corrected. I don't know how anyone can manage such an early bedtime to "within a couple of minutes" for a dc3, With an older dc with SN I can totally understand why you don't want to turn out at 6pm. But this hasn't changed, so why not say so earlier to the teacher. Also if this is your dc3 presumably you've been through this twice before so why the angst ?