Re.YR and evening Christmas play?

[MolotovCocktail]

Dd is 4.10yo in YR. She is doing her school Christmas play this week: one tomorrow and one on Wednesday. There is also an evening performance tomorrow which parents have not been asked about. A letter was sent home today telling us to return our children to school at 6.

My dd has been quite tired in the evenings (end of term fatigue, I think). If I'd been asked, I wouldn't have given permission to do the evening slot.

WIBU if I didn't return her to school tomorrow evening if she's tired?

It's not a punishment. It's a practical decision based on the best interests of the (in our case) 139 other children.

I never said that your child would be excluded from the play. I said that the decision of which part to give your child in future years might be influenced by your reliability.

In our school, all Y2s get a speaking part. They vary in length and complexity- some children will get one or 2 simple lines, some will have 1 fairly long speech, some will have several incredibly important lines.

If over the past 2 years your child has not returned to school for the evening, I am afraid that we would probably make the decision not to give your child one of the long or complex parts. In the event that she didn't turn up again, it means that we have a chance of teaching the words quickly to a willing volunteer. If they were the main part, it means putting an unprepared child on stage either with a script (and hoping that they can read it well enough to cope) or the teacher feeding lines to them.

This is unfair on all the other children who have worked so hard on the play as interruptions, lines being read out wrongly or with the wrong intonation etc impacts on them remembering when to say their bit.

At our school , there is an afternoon performance and an evening performance ( 6-7pm ) . For the 14 years that i have had a child in school , so far , i cannot think of one occasion when a parent has decided that their child couldn't possibly attend the evening do because their child is tired . It is the week before Christmas , every child in the land is being whipped into a frenzy of festive madness , they are all knackered .
Therefore i think YABU , however if you came on and said 'i really cannot be arsed to drag a tired 4 year old into a draughty church for another murderous rendition of away in a manger ' YANBU and i would be ever so slightly envious

Hopefully by this time next year, dd won't be as fatigued by the end of the autumn term. And hopefully, her teachers will genuinely understand that an evening performance was just one ask too much of her in YR.

If they remember at all, that is, amongst all other tasks and needs we fulfil for the school throughout the rest of the academic year.

You've summed it up perfectly, Crohnically.

I'm afraid you can't have it both ways, OP

Oh, and I know that you said she is only part of the chorus. But again, if every parent of a chorus member (or even only half of them) decided that their child's part wasn't important enough for them to come back, the play wouldn't be as good as usual, which would be unfair on the children whose parents were coming to see them that night.

What are the "task and needs" that you fulfil for the school, OP?

I thought it was the other way round!

I'm failing to assume the automatic connection between a child being tired one year and then that forever condemning them to small parts in future performances (or more specifically, my decision to keep her at home just this once).

It's not that I can't; its just that I think it is so petty I genuinely hope it doesn't happen at all schools.

I don't think it was your keeping her off that pissed people off, OP.

It was your proposal to leave it until the last minute to let the school know, despite saying that you knew in October about this play and that you also knew your child is unable to cope with staying up past her bedtime.

You seemed to think it was perfectly ok to let other people down. At least that's how you came across.

A school serves its community and the community serves the school. It is a 2-way relationship.

I volunteer at the school, which is one example. Voluntary monetary contributions are always paid; random things that parents are askes to send in are always done. I always communicate with the school if dd is poorly, etc. I'm no flake, which is why I take issue with some statements made here.

Oh, ok, OP, so you're just concentrating on what you do for the school, not on what they do for your child.

Thanks for clearing that up

The school is usually very good at communicating. It dropped the ball with this: one general mention in October and then the letter yesterday. On reflection, I can see how I should have pre-empted, but I dont think its the worst thing in the world to have done. It's not like its Mary or Joseph not attending.

I think you're being unfair Rhonda. I answered your question. What did you want me to write?

I still don't understand why you didn't say much earlier if you felt that attending in the evening wouldn't be possible, or make enquiries if you were uncertain of the expectations.

I feel sorry for the WOHP and those in jobs were attending a daytime performance isn't possible.

I feel sorry too for primary teachers who probably aren't keen on attending in the evening and can't win, seemingly, no matter what they do.

where not were

I'm admitting to having not RTFT but if you don't take her back, you can never moan about the school not accommodating parents wishes to see their child perform again.
It REALLY does affect the overall performance if a good number don't come back and how else did you think they'd do an evening performance without the chn coming back. If they didn't do eve performances I'd never have seen my daughters nativities, we can't all take time off during the day regardless of notice.
Also 4 is not almost a baby, it's not even almost a toddler. And do you think the teachers are loving being there late in the last week of term?

I'm not saying that she'd be forever condemned to small parts. She is likely to be given a small part next time, if that goes well then she will be considered for bigger parts in the future.

And as Rhonda said, it was the last minute ness of the decision that annoyed me. You basically said (early in at least) that she'd either turn up or not and don't be surprised either way. Not good when the teachers are hanging around, shoving children into costumes and waiting till the last possible minute before taking the children into the hall, just in case your DD turned up at the last minute.

And to be honest, your post makes me think that you feel you (or rather your daughter) deserve special treatment as you volunteer at the school etc. As if just not turning up as you originally suggested is somehow cancelled out by the fact that you volunteer. I've noticed the same attitude amongst some of the parents at my school- for example wanting their children to be let into class early when the mums go in, rather than line up with the other children.

When were the tickets available? Surely the dates and times would have been mentioned then?

Perhaps something that doesn't imply the school should be grateful to have you as a parent, perhaps?

I absolutely do not expect special treatment and I think you're judging me Rhonda based on your experiences, rather than objectively taking what I've said on board.

You've made a biased decision about me now so regardless of how I continue here, you will find something to pick at.

Okay, the school should not be grateful to have parents who send their children to school every day fed, clean, happy and ready to learn. They should not be pleased when we send our child in having done her homework and having taken time to support her with learning phonics/keywords. No thanks for full voluntary financial contributions and promt payment for trips/dinners, etc.

Do you realise how arrogant you sound with saying that it's only schools who do the hard work?

Oops, 22:09 comment @ Chronically, last one @ Rhonda

Of course I'm judging you based on my experiences. You asked if YWBU (asking me to judge in other words) and I said yes, based on these experiences I have had.

I think "grateful" is the wrong word and I'm sure you would think so too, if you thought about it a bit harder.

Please tell me in which post I said only schools do the hard work.

Oh, and do lighten up a bit, OP. it's nearly Christmas!

Anyway, I'm off to bed now. I have a late night coming up- it's our evening performance tomorrow. I do hope the children aren't too tired to come back!

ChronicallySick - that is ridiculous, there is nothing in the OP's posts which remotely suggest that she expects her dd to have special treatment.

'It's interesting how teachers are expected to describe concerns about parents in euphemistic terms, yet it's a total free-for-all when it comes to some parents slagging off teachers on FB'

In the context of the parent/teacher relationship the teacher is the professional with a reputation to uphold. I never 'slag off' teachers on facebook and never have. But maybe that's because the teachers at our school are not unreasonable.