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Original poster

Re.YR and evening Christmas play?

341 replies

MolotovCocktail · 16/12/2013 16:44

Dd is 4.10yo in YR. She is doing her school Christmas play this week: one tomorrow and one on Wednesday. There is also an evening performance tomorrow which parents have not been asked about. A letter was sent home today telling us to return our children to school at 6.

My dd has been quite tired in the evenings (end of term fatigue, I think). If I'd been asked, I wouldn't have given permission to do the evening slot.

WIBU if I didn't return her to school tomorrow evening if she's tired?

OP posts:
CaterpillarCara · 17/12/2013 20:51

Well, no-one had warned me! And she called via the school office, so I was presented her daughter by the teacher at the door. The girl then started crying when I looked surprised, like I didn't want to, etc. Her mum had told her in the morning she was going with me. If the teacher had known the "play date" was dubious, she probably would have handled it differently.

CrohnicallySick · 17/12/2013 20:52

So why did you say it was unprofessional for teachers to share information? And that people could get into hot water for making personal comments? No one on this thread has mentioned anything like 'x's mum is a right pain in the arse so don't give x a part' being passed on, only that 'x didn't come to the play'.

CaterpillarCara · 17/12/2013 20:52

"At our school if a child is not collected on time the child goes into after school care, the parent is billed and they have to pay a fine if late. I'm shocked that a parent would not collect their child on time."

Yes - at ours too. But not if they have organised a "friend" to take the child and called the office to say so...

lottieandmia · 17/12/2013 20:53

No, the implication originally was that the school had some kind of black mark that goes against people who don't do exactly what the school wants to do.

Original poster
MolotovCocktail · 17/12/2013 20:53

Rather than call the term 'pfb' out as "crap", I should have instead stated that I regard it as more of an excuse, or as a sweeping method to demean/belittle certain concerns.

Of course, the dynamics of families change, especially when more children are born. However, the difference in the recollection of sleep routines is relatively incomparable to this situation.

As I said before, my feelings here would be identical regardless of which child, in whatever birth order, were the subject.

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lottieandmia · 17/12/2013 20:54

People can get into hot water for making personal comments - I've seen it happen.

Theironfistofarkus · 17/12/2013 20:54

It's not really needs of parents v needs of child here. My Dc would be absolutely devastated if I did not come to watch the show. I have just started a new job, have 3 DC, work an hour and twenty mins away from school and our school have 2pm shows. Very few dads there as a lot of people commute a long way. I almost had to miss a show as there was a vital meeting I was told to attend which luckily got moved. My job does not allow me to leave for the day before 1 so I have to go back to work afterwards -,I travel for 2.5 hours to see each show as I can't bear.the sadness of my kids if I don't show. It's v stressful and am certainly not going to watch the show for me. One evening performance would avoid the very real possibility that my Dc have no members of their family at the show. Surely staying up an hour or two late one night isn't the end of the world

CrohnicallySick · 17/12/2013 20:54

Caterpillar- in those circumstances I would have been very wary of taking the child, she didn't even ask you? Just phoned the office and got them to pass the message n! Apart from anything else if I didn't know her very well I would be worried that there was a misunderstanding (eg if the secretary misheard 'Emily's mum' as 'Millie's mum')

CrohnicallySick · 17/12/2013 20:56

Lottie, I'm not saying that personal comments aren't unprofessional, only that the types of comments being mentioned here don't fall under the 'personal comments' umbrella- so long as they are factual and objective.

Original poster
MolotovCocktail · 17/12/2013 20:57

Agree with you lottie with your clarification about the 'black mark' implication (I knew that's what was being implied, anyway). Without sarcasm, I hope that my dd's school is better than that.

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CaterpillarCara · 17/12/2013 20:58

Lottie, as I made the point originally, I can categorically say that I did NOT imply any kind of black mark. I did say that the school may note children who did not turn to the evening with a lack of communication to say they would not. I have always said that it was fair enough to not go to the performance, but it would be best to have informed the school early.

Chronically, I was stupid. Absolutely I shouldn't have taken the child, and looking back cannot believe I did. It was very clear it was me though - my name, my surname, my child's name, my child's surname were all left.

CrohnicallySick · 17/12/2013 21:01

And what would be wrong with that 'black mark'? I'm afraid parents have black marks against them for all sorts of - very good - reasons. As was mentioned before, some parents offer to help at events and cancel last minute, or fail to fulfil duties, so they do get a black mark for not doing exactly as the school wants them to do- because in these instances there have been multiple risk assessments etc carried out and to go against the school's wishes puts the whole trip (and future trips) in jeopardy.

OK, so a school play isn't quite up there with children's safety, but when deciding which children are to be given parts (or which parts they should have) we do taken parental reliability into account. One family with several children never brought their children back in the evening, so we made sure that their last child didn't have a crucial part as it would be unfair on the rest of the children when they didn't turn up!

CrohnicallySick · 17/12/2013 21:03

When I say black mark, of course I don't mean a literal one, merely that teachers make a mental note (or a factual one along the lines of 'didn't turn up') to make sure that it's not repeated.

CaterpillarCara · 17/12/2013 21:04

How can Lottie clarify something that I said? I did not imply a black mark, I simply stated that it may be recorded who attended the evening show (factual) and of those who didn't, who had / had not communicated in advance (also factual). I then surmised that those records might be taken into account when making future choices.

That is only a "black" mark if you think that not turning up and not communicating that you will not is wrong. (I do personally, but plenty on here didn't seem to).

Original poster
MolotovCocktail · 17/12/2013 21:11

@ Caterpillar: it may have been a comment that you originally made, but it was fuelled with other meaning. Lottie inferred a meaning which I also inferred much earlier in this thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
MolotovCocktail · 17/12/2013 21:12

@ Chronically: do you really need to be told precisely what is wrong with a 'black mark' against a child? Whether it is a literal note or a mental one (as in, held in the mind)?

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Original poster
MolotovCocktail · 17/12/2013 21:14

You're basically saying that its okay for my child, because she's 4yo and cannot stay awake past 7pm, to have a 'black mark' against her for roles on future plays.

Disgraceful.

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CaterpillarCara · 17/12/2013 21:18

No - it is more that it is possibly okay for staff, where a mother did not communicate (in the two months she had before the event) that her child would not be there in the evening, to be suspicious about future evening attendances.

Though you did communicate today in the end I know, but that was where the original thrust came from.

CrohnicallySick · 17/12/2013 21:20

No, the 'black mark' (as you insist on calling it) is against you, the parent, for failing to communicate in time, and leaving the school in the awkward position of having to fill her role at the last minute.

But as I tried to explain, it's not a 'black mark' as in 'you must never ever let this child have a part in the play ever again' but 'X did not return for the evening performance' and reading between the lines 'don't give x the main part just in case it happens again'

SuburbanRhonda · 17/12/2013 21:22

It's interesting how teachers are expected to describe concerns about parents in euphemistic terms, yet it's a total free-for-all when it comes to some parents slagging off teachers on FB Xmas Sad

Original poster
MolotovCocktail · 17/12/2013 21:30

I didn't label it as a 'black mark'. Call it what you like, it means the same thing.

The mark would in effect fall against my child, because it theoretically/potentially affects my child's chances of having a more significant part in future plays.

I still think that's disgraceful.

(ps. I did mention earlier, I think, that dd does not have a speaking part. She is part of the 'chorus').

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 17/12/2013 21:31

I am amazed you haven't allowed her to stay up for one, very special evening OP. With all her friends.

Original poster
MolotovCocktail · 17/12/2013 21:32

And isn't it a bit shit to punish a child for a decision I made, on her behalf, in her best interests?

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Original poster
MolotovCocktail · 17/12/2013 21:35

Bowlers I would have loved to, but this would have meant fighting against her need to rest from 5pm.

Usually, she is fine to stay up until 8/8:30ish. It's unusual for her to be so tired but I think its because its the end of her first ft term. She's been cream-crackered since last week.

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Original poster
MolotovCocktail · 17/12/2013 21:36

*to occasionally stay up

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