Re.YR and evening Christmas play?

[MolotovCocktail]

Dd is 4.10yo in YR. She is doing her school Christmas play this week: one tomorrow and one on Wednesday. There is also an evening performance tomorrow which parents have not been asked about. A letter was sent home today telling us to return our children to school at 6.

My dd has been quite tired in the evenings (end of term fatigue, I think). If I'd been asked, I wouldn't have given permission to do the evening slot.

WIBU if I didn't return her to school tomorrow evening if she's tired?

If I was a parent at an evening performance and I noticed the little ones were absent then it's exactly what I would expect and I would not be moaning about it because I'm an adult. I would not want little kids to be up for my benefit.

They wouldn't be up for your benefit, lottie

How so? I thought the general consensus is that the kids are up for the sake of the parents is it not? I have attended evening shows that my older children were in. I was not surprised to see that reception kids were not there.

I'm not sure about the general consensus, but IMO the children are there not only to enjoy performing in front of their families, but to share in the fun of taking part in something with their classmates, to enjoy the excitement of staying up late for one night to two, and so on.

The putting on of an evening performance is obviously for the benefit of parents (who aren't free to come to a daytime performance), but again, IMO, the same factors apply for benefits to the children.

I guess parents just inhabit many different worlds - for some, the fear of a tantrum or a meltdown after one night later to bed will prevent them from taking the risk of breaking their child's normal routine, even when a two-week break from school is just days away.

Of course, it's their call, just a shame when it comes over as not caring about the impact on other children and their families. You can put your child's needs first and still be considerate to others by letting them know in sufficient time to makes contingencies.

Don't you know? You lose your good parent badge if your child doesn't have a bath every night and go to bed by 7.30.

When my DS was in reception, he had an invite to tea (no "playdates" in those days!) and the mum sent a timetable which ended "Pickup at 6.30pm - home in time for bath and bed!"

Glad you followed your instincts and did what was best for your dd OP.

And don't worry about a 'black mark' against your dd, I'm sure the vast majority of teachers are too professional to think in those terms.

I also think they'd much rather a tired, potentially grouchy 4 year old child was kept at home anyway.

No parent ever admits to - Deliberately dress child in leggings and a comfy top.

Enjoy day out, have nice meal on way home (or chat to grandparents until 9pm). Drive hour home, put child to bed, without waking them

It's a British law that parents, relatives, friends and worst of all older siblings must all be martyrs to LO's bedtime.

Teachers can never win! If they don't do an evening performance they are wrong and if they do they are wrong. How would asking for permission work? Some say yes and some say no so do you only give parts to those who say yes and then face the angry mob because their child doesn't have a part? YABU

Strictly1 after the whining and complaining threads and posts I've read in the past month about the school nativity/play/concert I don't see why teachers bother to do them at all.

Oh, I forgot. They'd get grief if they didn't.

You guys are so 'one size fits all'. My dt's are in Reception. They are 5. They would be ok staying up a bit late. They have been going to sleep around 8, even though they are tired. They are quite high energy and I guess need a little less sleep. I would let them do this.

My dniece on the other hand, is an August birthday, so just past 4. Dsis says she is shattered, not eating much in the evening and going to sleep before 7! She would clearly not be able to do a performance at this time if she can't even manage to eat. My dsis is not at all 'precious' about her dd (in fact, she is a teacher herself), but I can't imagine her sending her dd to the evening show.

Why all the picking on 'kids must go to bed at a certain time'?

I had a whinging thread about nativity. My lacking-in-confidence ds was given a part. How kind, I thought, to boost his confidence. First time ever. It was then removed, because he couldn't do it as well as someone else (a real 'actor' type). Ds feels crap. He is 8. That is bad teaching I'm afraid.

Oh, and all the teachers I have spoken to about it (between friends and family I have about 5 close friends) - ALL agree.

We had a 2.30 dress rehearsal that people with v young kids cd come to then the thing proper at 6.30 - which is about the earliest it cd be and still allow working parents to attend.

My dd is in yR an tbh I felt the school were trying their best to accommodate the whole range of needs. Dd was still in bed by 8.15.

I think four year olds are all very different. Some of them don't get too tired (eg my dd who has had the busiest time imagineable and is still perfectly fine and going to bed after 8 every night.)

Others get absolutely whacked and desperate with tiredness.

If I were the head teacher I would therefore leave it to the discretion of yR parents as to whether their child shd take part. I would ask for plenty of notice though.

MerryMarigold I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your son, which was indefensible by the sound of it. It doesn't alter my opinion of the whining threads I've seen, my belief that too many precious parents take it all too seriously and my opinion that primary teachers have enough of real importance to take up their time - teaching and learning related-to question whether the Nativity is really worth their time and effort.

ilovesooty. I think the real problem is not the nativity, but the way it's done. This year our YR are just singing carols with lanterns - no 'parts' etc. When ds was in infants, the whole school were angels/ cows, whatever. There are loads of plays without 'stars'. Why can't schools use them?

Not 'stars' as in the twinkling type. But stars as in 'star parts'. This year's performance in Juniors is like a blimming West End Show! Although I would have preferred auditions than giving parts and removing them.

It's lovely that teachers put on an evening performance.

However teachers shouldn't assume that that will suit ALL YR children. What happened to treating each child as an individual? Also it might not suit every single family to beable to get a child back to school for 6.30.

It's ridiculous to assume that all parents/families/children can attend.

Merry - what happened to your ds was cruel - how awful for him

I know there are some people who are rigid about bedtimes but in my case that isn't true. My dd2 could cope with a later night now and again but dd3 is a different child. I find that in nursery and reception the children are all still developing at different rates and some are vastly different from others. At this age, 6 months can make all the difference. In my dd's case I find it impossible to settle her if she gets over tired. It's no fun for me to see her get herself into an hysterical state while I try repeatedly to get her night clothes on and she has lost the ability to think rationally! By the time kids get to about 7 everything has leveled out somewhat.

In any case it sounds as if the OP's school was understanding about her dd not attending, which is as it should be.

My YR 1 was supposed to be in the evening performance too, she's also an August born, so is in bed fast asleep by 7.30pm usually.
I kept her home, as she'd had 1 performance that day anyway. I told the teacher, and it was fine.

I have to say Rhonda I do have some sympathies with those parents. 2 years ago I had a yr3 abducted yrR child.Whenever Ds had a certain friend over he wouldn't be picked up till after 7, when really I wanted dd in the bath by then. This wasn't some special one off thing as inOP tthis was a normal Monday night. The last time this child came to the house I did specify a pick up time which was ignored anyway !

Well, my Y1 DD had her Christmas play last night. She's usually in bed by 7 but I have no problem letting her stay up late for a special occasion like a school play or disco. She didn't get to bed until 9pm last night and was a complete mess - so tired and this morning she really struggled to wake up for school. She was too tired for breakfast! She'll struggle today, bless her, but she'll soon catch up on her rest. I still am glad she stayed up late to do the play as she was so excited about it.

Another YABU. Its a one off, you've known since October. If school consulted all parents on all decisions they'd never have time to do anything and probably still dissappoint 50% of the parents.

For reference my 3yo took part in her first nativity this year, in the evening, up past bedtime and half asleep. It was fab!!!!!

She's still talking about it :-D

I think that you are getting quite stressed about something so minor tbf I was probably the same when I had one child

If you go on to have a second or third child then the baby/toddler/small child often misses nap times/bedtimes if you have additional events to attend with older children . They tend to be adaptable.

Expecting the school to be grateful to you that you get your child to school on time, fed and dressed or paying for things on time is bizarre - its the normal expectation not the exception to do these things.

Its a stressful time of year - time for a