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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it isn't the child's fault if they haven't got a nativity costume?

161 replies

Onelittlebugbear · 16/12/2013 14:55

I volunteer in a school and was in year1 today. Out of the class three children did not have costumes. One had tried to make herself a sheep mask (badly) and was obviously really upset that no one had bought her a costume. The area is really deprived and I can easily believe that money would be too tight for some families to buy sheep / angel / star costumes.

The teachers went on at these children 'why haven't you got a costume? What are you going to do now? The play is this week, we need to practice in our costumes.' Two children said their parents had outright said they weren't providing costumes at which staff sighed. All the children were obviously upset and two started misbehaving. All this was said in front of their costume wearing peers.

Aibu to think that at 5 or 6 it isn't the child's fault they haven't a costume? I know it's a hassle for the teachers because they have to try and find something for them but it isn't the child's fault no matter how frustrating it is for staff.
It made my heart a bit sad.

OP posts:
LifeTooShort · 16/12/2013 19:20

When is the play? If there is still time, I would love to organise costumes for those poor kids.

If the OP would be willing to PM me an address to send them to and the number of sheep/angels/shepherds and if Amazon will cooperate on delivery time then I will give it a go.

Original poster
Onelittlebugbear · 16/12/2013 19:21

I don't of course know all the circumstances behind this little girl's family or why they didn't make a costume or why they aren't coming to the show. There may well be genuine reasons. I suppose it's just because I know the little girl and feel a degree of attachment because she's a sweetheart and I know previous things that have happened that suggest a certain level of disinterest from her parents. Her home life is not great without saying anything further.

I agree that it would make sense to invest in at least some spares of costumes if not a whole set. The children without costumes could then have been discreetly leant something and the other children would have been none the wiser. As it was they stuck out like a small thumb, they were made to go and sit sepeately.

OP posts:
NigellasDealer · 16/12/2013 19:22

you are all so kind - how about leaving this to those fuckwitted teachers though - surely it their job?

Original poster
Onelittlebugbear · 16/12/2013 19:23

Sore thumb - not a small thumb. That would be weird!

OP posts:
NigellasDealer · 16/12/2013 19:23

and sorry to be pedantic OP but is is 'uninterest', not 'disinterest'

SarahJessicaFarter · 16/12/2013 19:23

Due to our personal circumstances my son has attended 3 primary schools, 1 Pre school and nursery. He has been in the nativity each time, usually in a supporting animal role, and I've only provided part of a costume each time I.e. leggings, t shirt etc. the school have had everything else.

Original poster
Onelittlebugbear · 16/12/2013 19:25

Sorry nigella.

OP posts:
FionasFatFairy · 16/12/2013 19:32

Someone asked if schools really expect parents to provide costumes each year. Yes they do.

In reception DS asked to be a shepherd ("as that is the only costume we have at home"), Yr 1, provide an adults white t-shirt and white tights (fine, but as DS is the first I had to buy them, but they went to DD), Yr 2, green t-shirt and dark leggings (again boys don't have leggings!).

DD1, Reception, star outfit, Yr 1 Polish outfit, the school asked for knee length full skirt, white blouse, white apron and hair ribbons. I asked MIL to cut down one of my old skirts and make an apron, but she told me to ring SIL to borrow a costume DNiece had been given a few years before. This year, DD needed jeans and a checked shirt which she borrowed from DS.

trulyenoughnow · 16/12/2013 19:33

World gone a bit mad IMO. The kid who made their own sheep mask or whatever should be celebrated and encouraged by the teachers. Perhaps if it wasn't up to scratch the teachers could have offered up a bit of cotton wool or whatever to stick on for improvement? Then the child given a gold star for independent costume making.
There is not a nativity costume that is expensive- they can all be made from a pillowcase/ teatowel/tinsel/ bit of cardboard. That is the true spirit of Christmas, to pool resources and fashion what you need from what you have.
A white wooly jumper and cardboard ears is a sheep. Pillowcase and tinsel angel, teatowel is a shepherd.
Sad everyone running off to the supermarket to buy more Chinese made plastic tat for the school nativity. Resourcefulness in children is such a wonderful life gift. Even if the parents have not got it together to provide a costume for whatever reason, bloody brilliant that the little tot has the ingenuity to make their own.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 16/12/2013 19:34

The teachers involved sound awful. Totally callous and to be honest, I'd be thinking twice about volunteering somewhere where the staff have this attitude. Could that be how you approach things with the head teacher? That you're unhappy volunteering in such an unsupportive environment?

FWIW, I come from a family of teachers and I've lost count of the number of times my mum and aunt have taken in spare uniform, costumes, breakfast etc for children who clearly needed them - so thankfully not all teachers are like this. I really do hope the ones you describe are in the minority OP - your post reminded me of the book/film Kes - poor kid, down on his luck, and school life just made a shitty situation worse.

pudcat · 16/12/2013 19:34

This has made me cry. What is it with some teachers? I have taught in deprived areas. One year I made all my Nativity costumes for a class of 40 7 year olds. At other schools the children made masks etc. Never never would I blame a child for lack of a costume. A good teacher will know the family circumstances of the children and should be looking out for them - not making them feel worse. that poor child with the mask might be going home to abuse if she asks for anything, or a family with no money and they have tried hard to make a mask from a cereal box. Please report this teacher.

FionasFatFairy · 16/12/2013 19:36

I should have sad DS was a Christmas tree in year 1. I forgot that we also had to send in tinsel. I was then really annoyed to find his nice new tinsel adorning someone else's Christmas tree whilst the tinsel on his costume was skinny and moth eaten. At least some of what I sent in should have been used for my son.

BerniceBroadside · 16/12/2013 19:42

It's not acceptable to make a child feel bad because their parent has failed to provide a costume or to notify the school.

We had to provide one, but the majority were cobbled together from bits and bobs, with some supermarket ones. The letter clearly said to contact the school as they would assist if you were unable to provide a costume, but that only helps so many. Although by December the teachers should be well aware which kids have parents who won't either provide a costume or contact the school.

To avoid waste I bought and sold mine on ebay. Well worth rescuing them from the toy box and stashing them away for next year to sell, if you don't donate to the school. (We had nothing in the house out of which I could have made one.)

roadwalker · 16/12/2013 19:45

I love our school
We are never asked to produce a costume for anything, they have them all at school
It means all the kids are able to play any part

FreeWee · 16/12/2013 19:46

My mum never had to provide a costume. We had a costume cupboard at school. My FB feed is full of parents proudly showing off the costume they've made for their DC's parts in their Christmas plays. Never known it myself.

PrimalLass · 16/12/2013 19:49

Our schools has costumes that get reused every year. There is absolutely no reason to be making parents provide these.

Helpyourself · 16/12/2013 19:54

I'd take it to the top with that teacher. Minuted
meeting with the head, demand that its written up in her appraisal, signed statement of what you saw.
If she can bollock a year 1 girl in front of witnesses that I'm pretty sure she's a crap teacher in other ways too.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 16/12/2013 19:55

Imagine all the money that has been spent on costumes that could of bought the school serveral full sets.

The school should supply them, £10 is a weeks packed money for me ( 2 DC) which is the average for a costume

PrimalLass · 16/12/2013 20:03

Aunty Sib - parents absolutely shouldn't have to reinvent the wheel every year with nativity costumes. What a horrendous waste of money, time and resources. What happens to them afterwards? It is really un environmental to not have a school stash and reuse them every year. Plus it makes all kids equal.

fairisleknitter · 16/12/2013 20:09

When my child joined infant school the head made a point of saying they had plenty of spare outfits if needed.

That's how to run a school imo.

MerylStrop · 16/12/2013 20:15

...they were made to sit separately....

bloody hell

I imagine that is a teacher on the verge of a nervous breakdown, surely noone would deliberately be so unkind?

Responsibility is the Head's though. And OP you may find yourself unheard.

MrsOakenshield · 16/12/2013 20:28

it was me asking why schools (not teachers) do this kind of thing - not just expecting parents to buy/make costumes for plays, but make the last week 'fancy/party dress' week - why? It seems that some schools have no touch with reality, and how much time and money they expect parents (and in many cases there are 2 working parents, and other children with other activities and so on) to spend on this kind of thing - and for what benefit? They really do seem to think that all families have a non-working parent with all the time in the world, or parents with all the money in the world. Utterly ludicrous. What is it teaching children other than wasteful consumption - what a great Christmas message.

Ragusa · 16/12/2013 20:45

Did I read that right ...... The teachers first publicly reprimanded children for their parents's failings and then made these children sit seperately from the others in the play Shock??

OP, I wouldn't be worrying about being too tactful. This teacher/TA needs a very good talking to. I'm abolutely appaled. Poor little kids.

Ruffcat · 16/12/2013 21:01

It doesn't sound like the poor little girl doesn't have anyone to stick up for her. Please be that person

Teacher sounds like a bully.

WilsonFrickett · 16/12/2013 21:53

Erm, Nigella it is disinterest not uninterest.