Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it isn't the child's fault if they haven't got a nativity costume?

161 replies

Onelittlebugbear · 16/12/2013 14:55

I volunteer in a school and was in year1 today. Out of the class three children did not have costumes. One had tried to make herself a sheep mask (badly) and was obviously really upset that no one had bought her a costume. The area is really deprived and I can easily believe that money would be too tight for some families to buy sheep / angel / star costumes.

The teachers went on at these children 'why haven't you got a costume? What are you going to do now? The play is this week, we need to practice in our costumes.' Two children said their parents had outright said they weren't providing costumes at which staff sighed. All the children were obviously upset and two started misbehaving. All this was said in front of their costume wearing peers.

Aibu to think that at 5 or 6 it isn't the child's fault they haven't a costume? I know it's a hassle for the teachers because they have to try and find something for them but it isn't the child's fault no matter how frustrating it is for staff.
It made my heart a bit sad.

OP posts:
JinglingRexManningDay · 16/12/2013 16:18

You could make a sheep costume out of a white bin liner,some cotton balls and a hair band. Cut out holes for the head and arms and glue cotton balls to it. Cut out ears from cardboard and glue onto the hairband.cover the ears in cotton balls. A bit of black face paint on the child's nose and there's a sheep on the cheap. (Thanks dd1 whose suggestion it is)

BuffyxSummers · 16/12/2013 16:24

I can't stop thinking about this thread. My logic knows there are good teachers too but I can't bear the thought that dd may be stuck 40 odd hours a week with a teacher like this and the bad ones I've seen too. Those poor kids will be hurting and who can they talk to :(

ineedanexcuse · 16/12/2013 16:26

When I was 5/6 I never had any help with anything school related.

I remember trying to make my pinafore top look more presentable for 'inspection' the next day. We didnt do plays or anything thank goodness but I was taught by evil bitches nuns and they made their own sport by humiliating small children.

I thought that had died out nowadays.Sad

I would have a word with the head if you can phrase it politely.Im no help as I would get very emotional about it I think.

JinglingRexManningDay · 16/12/2013 16:27

Can you give us a vague idea where the school is? I'm sure there would be MNetters that would be willing to help make costumes in the area.

CranberrySaucyJack · 16/12/2013 16:30

YANBU.

I also don't think the family's finances are relevant either.

It's an obscene waste of money and the Earth's resources for anybody to go and spend £15 odd quid on a costume to wear once.

Our school makes all the costumes.

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA · 16/12/2013 16:30

At DD's school they make the costumes with the children and the most they ask is for parents to provide an appropriately coloured t-shirt. You don't have to buy costumes, they weren't available to buy when DD1 was at school so it had to be home made - not eveyone has the time, just as not everyone has the money. Those teachers sound horrible and im glad they are not teaching my DD!

purplebaubles · 16/12/2013 16:33

I personally think schools should have all their own outfits.

I can't believe they make parents buy/sew their own! Ridiculous.

tinselkitty · 16/12/2013 16:35

It is inappropriate to say those things to children, no matter how peeved you are.

However, working in a school with lots of deprived children I do occasionally sigh to myself when for the 6th week running a child hasn't brought in any (the parents know they can just pay a small contribution eg £1) money for swimming because 'my mum/dad can't afford it' yet the parents always seem to be smoking and spend a great deal of time in the pub. That pisses me off.

I do, however, teach lots of genuinely deprived children for who's families £1 is too much and that's totally fine. They are always met with a response of 'no worries but you've definitely got your kit so you can come can't you?'

This is our attitude to all the children but it is very frustrating to hear that parents can't afford something small for their children at school yet you know full well they're out on the piss most fri and sat nights.

CranberrySaucyJack · 16/12/2013 16:38

tinselkitty

Pisses me off right back when schools try to illegally demand mandatory payment for curriculum activities.........

Parents do not, by law, have to pay a penny for swimming.

EvilRingahBitch · 16/12/2013 16:38

Oh god, the "simple" costumes are sometimes the worst, when set by childfree primary teachers who assume that a plain black t shirt is a basic item that every 4 year old has in their cupboard. No it isn't, and you can't buy one on the high street either.

HumphreyCobbler · 16/12/2013 16:41

that is so horrible, please speak to the head op

I have made many a costume in my time as a teacher. To the poster who would like a teacher to come and explain the reasoning behind their attitude - we can't because most of us are not utter bitches Sad

MerylStrop · 16/12/2013 16:42

It is totally fucking unreasonable of a school to expect people to provide costumes for kids other than very basic permutations of ordinary things.

Everyone is either time poor or cash poor, or both.

Surely a nativity is an ongoing set of costume requirements. Or the school shouts out in advance for general costume-making/t-shirt donation.

Speak to the Head they need to get a grip. The teacher is probably stressed to high heaven and has lost their sense of perspective.

jamdonut · 16/12/2013 16:43

Not excusing what those teachers did, because it sounds a bit over the top, but, how long have they been asking for things? The children's parents only had to say if they didn't have anything appropriate? Then the effort could have been made by the school to provide something. Even a t-shirt turned inside out,(if you only have one with logos/slogans on) will do if you've been asked to provide something like that!

They were probably a bit put out/fed up after repeatedly asking if they were able to bring something, but I agree they should not have embarrassed the children in front of everyone.

WooWooOwl · 16/12/2013 16:43

Of course it isn't the children's fault, but it isn't the teachers fault either.

They probably could have been more tactful and should certainly show more sensitivity to the child, but ultimately it's the parents who are at fault.

Parents who put their children in that position should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

greenfolder · 16/12/2013 16:46

When I was little my mum made me a costume and donated it to the school after(before you could just buy costumes) she also made king costumes out of some old gold coloured curtain. Was highly amused to find they were still being used a good fifteen years on.

That sounds terrible. No need to make children feel small.

theywillgrowup · 16/12/2013 16:47

what a horrible thing for any age child to go through

why dont schools charge,say £1.50 a ticket for the show and by costumes that the school can use again and again,maybe have a PTA fundraiser for initial start up

though my kids schools were pretty good (low cost etc)what they expected of you,how a parent just cant be bothered ,and yes this is sometimes the case is very sad for the child

BuffyxSummers · 16/12/2013 16:49

Some parents don't give a shit jam. I'm not a teacher and even I know that. Even if they were fed up about it they should never make the child feel to blame. Sigh and moan all they like in the staff room but not in front of children.

jamdonut · 16/12/2013 16:49

Our local school uniform shop has a range of different coloured ,plain t-shirts available for a couple of pounds each, especially useful for Sports Day when schools have different coloured teams - black available too!

NewtRipley · 16/12/2013 16:50

WooWoo

But in the circumstance where a child's parents can't/won't do the necessary, the teacher should be even more careful to not make the child feel bad.

stickysausages · 16/12/2013 16:53

Our school provided all the costumes for the nativity last week :)

WooWooOwl · 16/12/2013 16:54

Absolutely Ripley. I agree, but I still think that the parents are the ones who are ultimately to blame for the situation.

If they were doing what was required of them as parents, there wouldn't be an issue, so I don't really understand why people would be more angry at the teachers than the parents in this situation.

BuffyxSummers · 16/12/2013 16:56

It's possible to be angry at both woowoo. The parents might be shit but does the teacher have to add the cherry on top?

CranberrySaucyJack · 16/12/2013 17:01

so I don't really understand why people would be more angry at the teachers than the parents in this situation.

Because certainly in this situation, the teachers are expecting too much of parents.

Sending in a plain white t-shirt is one thing, but expecting all parents to travel out-of-town to a hypermarket to spend a tenner on a ready-made costume to wear once is another thing altogether.

NewtRipley · 16/12/2013 17:01

WooWoo

i think because the teacher should know better. It's compounding the hurt and embarrassment of the child. The good teachers I know (I'm a TA), bolster their pupils and make up for things at home, and try really hard not to let their stress take over so they forget that.

I think we are basically agreeing though Smile

HomeHelpMeGawd · 16/12/2013 17:03
  1. WooWoo. "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone". Maybe some of those parents are ashamed of themselves, for not having the money to be able to buy materials to make costumes for their children. Maybe they go to bed crying each night about the poverty their children endure. There are quite a lot of people who face this misery.
  1. Onelittlebugbear. The best way to be diplomatic while still being clear when you speak to the head teacher is to stick to describing the facts: what you saw the teachers say and do, and how the children reacted, and how it made you feel.