To think it isn't the child's fault if they haven't got a nativity costume?

[Onelittlebugbear]

I volunteer in a school and was in year1 today. Out of the class three children did not have costumes. One had tried to make herself a sheep mask (badly) and was obviously really upset that no one had bought her a costume. The area is really deprived and I can easily believe that money would be too tight for some families to buy sheep / angel / star costumes.

The teachers went on at these children 'why haven't you got a costume? What are you going to do now? The play is this week, we need to practice in our costumes.' Two children said their parents had outright said they weren't providing costumes at which staff sighed. All the children were obviously upset and two started misbehaving. All this was said in front of their costume wearing peers.

Aibu to think that at 5 or 6 it isn't the child's fault they haven't a costume? I know it's a hassle for the teachers because they have to try and find something for them but it isn't the child's fault no matter how frustrating it is for staff.
It made my heart a bit sad.

This is disgusting behaviour from the teachers.
If parents won't provide a costume its not the kids fault.
As the school is in a deprived area they should understand this and do something themselves.
My dd had a sheep costume for a show she was in some time ago. We sent it into the nearest school for a costume.
I'm sure others would do likewise if a letter went to the local church/parents/wider community.
They have a full year to sort something out. There's also grannies and some mums who enjoy making costumes and would help if asked, and of course they were only expected to contribute 1 or 2.

If the tough area, and the levels of deprivation and the poor parenting are all at very high levels, then the schools should be doing everything they can to compensate for the inadequacies those children are suffering. Even moreso than in a leafy suburban area where everyone has their own bedroom, let alone their own bed.
They can make a huge, positive difference.

It may well be possible that the parents just don't really care enough in some cases too.
I think that's what really upset me. The child already knows the parent cba and then on top of that they are the ones getting told off at school because their parent doesn't care enough to even attempt to make a costume.

YANBU

:( poor little ones

also i would be seriously pissed off if my dcs school asked me to make / buy costumes, does this really happen?

The primary school DD now 40 and DS 37 went to are still using the costumes myself and another 2 mothers made all those years ago. They fortunately have a cupboard to store them in and they are bought out every year and usually only ever need an iron. On one of the wise men cloaks I used a fur collar that belonged to MIL and she sadly died 37 years ago. One of the mothers I sewed with grand children now go to the school and she said some of the outfits look good as new. One of the teachers usually take home the angel costumes and give them a wash before they are stored.

If I can remember rightly when we made the costumes we were given loads of material to use and numerous white cotton sheets for the angels it cost the school about £5 in buying a few bits of trim and tinsel to make the crowns.

Onelittlebugbear - when do you need the costumes for? Which ones do you need? What area are you in?

Just thinking there might be some local Mumnetters who could provide some
or if enough time I will curriour some over

I volunteer in a school too and we had the nativity last week.

The week before the teacher sent a note to the parents asking if they could manage a costume, to have it in by the end of the week. Those dc who werent provided with one, were made a costume at school.

I can't believe a teacher and TA would speak to dc like that. Just horrible and cruel.

Poor kids. Disgraceful behaviour by the teachers.

I had to buy an angel costume for the preschool concert and it irked me. I'm not short of cash but I hate the wastefulness of buying something she'll not wear again.

Now we've been asked to send them in 'Christmassy clothes or fancy dress' all this week. I'm a bit embarrassed that we don't have either because I regard Christmas jumpers etc as pointless and dd doesn't like fancy dress. She's going to end up wearing the bloody angel costume all week...

Poor kids. Disgraceful behaviour by the teachers.

I had to buy an angel costume for the preschool concert and it irked me. I'm not short of cash but I hate the wastefulness of buying something she'll not wear again.

Now we've been asked to send them in 'Christmassy clothes or fancy dress' all this week. I'm a bit embarrassed that we don't have either because I regard Christmas jumpers etc as pointless and dd doesn't like fancy dress. She's going to end up wearing the bloody angel costume all week...

Oops. Sorry for double post.

When I was 5 our Sunday school was doing a huge nativity in the church so about October time they asked all the mums of girls to bring in an old white sheet that we could make Angel costumes out of.

My mum apologetically said that we didn't have any old white sheets and she couldn't really afford to buy a new one.

"Not to worry" they said "Mumoftwoyoungkids can be Mary - we have that costume"

I'm in again later in the week so I'm going to take a few things.
Thank you for the very kind offers, I won't put the area on here in case it makes me identifiable and I doubt anything would reach in time anyway but it's very kind and I do appreciate it.

I've found a few things at home which I can take it for them to use. I'm hoping it might compensate a little to those children who haven't got a costume from home if someone else makes an effort for them. It is the little girl with the sheep mask that tugs at my heart the most as I strongly suspect it was more wouldn't than couldn't with her family. And she obviously knew that herself which is why she tried to make something to wear.

Thank you for thinking of these children. I am sure that you effort will be remembered by them. It's a good thing you are doing.

I am shocked that the teacher would belittle them like that.

YANBU, DS' nursery alone is taking in close to £200 in ticket sales for the nativity and we've still had to puss about buying shepherd/kibg/ jungle animal costumes. Don't ask. Why they can use one years takings to incest in a decent quality trunk full if costumes I simply don't know.

Thanks OP. The thought of a wee 5 yo trying to make her own sheep's mask is heartbreaking isn't it? I'm not at all religious but the irony of the story they're relating isn't lost on me. Perhaps (in a non-ick, non religious way) when you're talking to them about the nativity you can find a way to highlight that the shepherds had nothing and the baby didn't even have a crib. And it didn't matter.

Hopefully you'll know what I mean and be able to explain it better than me

That's a very good point Wilson (however religious or not anyone is)

Reminds me of the words ...

What can I give him, poor as I am .....
Yet what I can I give, give a lamb

What you're doing is great bugbear - one tiny bug bear of my own that we cannot really know all the in's and out's of the wouldn't/couldn't question for any family - every family has it's own challenges (whether short term or long)

That's true, but when it builds into a general picture of neglect it kind of takes on more meaning. For a child whose family generally don't seem to make as much effort as they might then bring told off seems even worse. Her parents aren't coming to the show.

That's awful. The preschool ds1 went to last provided all the costumes as they raised funds to buy them for yearly use. I was pleasantly surprised with ds1 school. All costumes were stuff the kids had so villagers were dressing gowns and tea towels, angels were white clothes with wings they made in school, we had suns which were yellow clothes with masks they made in school. The school specifically asked parents not to buy anything and use the kids own clothes - though this was great and super inclusive.

Oh god that post about the wee girl with the sheep mask just made me burst into tears

Her parents aren't coming to the show
maybe they are too busy working?

Is a shame when no-one can make it to a show, especially with younger children. But I can understand a bit as we don't have family near us, so can imagine if both parents were working .....
Perhaps I try slightly too hard to find an excuse for everyone!

I work in a school, and we try to encourage the children to take responsibility for their own kit. If this had been a 10 year old i would have expected them either to sort out a costume or explain to me ( in private, obviously) why they hadn't got one so that I could then make arraqngements to provide a costume for them myself.

However this child is too young to have that level of responsibility.

I suspect the teacher doubted whether the message had actually been sent home, and was exasperated that she was only being told now that no costume would be forthcoming. I would also have thought that it is the parent's responsibility to liase with the school staff over this, if they are in difficulties.

FWIW, I think too much fuss is made over costumes - as other posters have said, most people can rustle up a white t-shirt ( old one of Mums/Dads?) and a tea cloth - there is no need to buy costumes, and nor is normally expected.

I once made medieval villagers outfits for 30 children using scavenged material and the help of my Mum: it's really not that hard. Am saddened that so many people think it's not the parent's job to get involved.

I think the school need to make costumes more accessible - so suggest to parents that a full sheep outfit is fantastic but so is some dark leggings and a white T-shirt. The school can just make some ears with card and use face paint for a nose.

Part of me also thinks that each year most plays have shepherds, wise men, stars, sheep, angels etc and surely they could easily collect unwanted outfits for the following year.

If course neglect is different. Your talking basic needs not being met.

Would this help the little girl who needs a sheep mask?