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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just be bored of it?

233 replies

LimitedEditionLady · 15/12/2013 09:22

I am sure many people share my angst here.I am SICK TO DEATH of asking him to do one sinple job and it taking him seven days with my consistently reminding him to do it for it to get done.He does NOTHING in the house,no diy,nothing and the little jobs like just washing a cup he simply leaves for me.So i say to him yesterday " you know its getting really boring having to remind you constantly" so he tells me im boring for nagging him.Erm....I just asked you to do a simple job and you havent done it as per usual so that your fault is it not?I am just fed up of basically having to run the house,finances,sort out ds alone and looking after a 30 year old man like a teenager.He goes to work but apart from that he does nothing so why is everything my responsibility??aibu.

OP posts:
Original poster
LimitedEditionLady · 19/12/2013 22:37

Mamatj thats unfair,dont judge my child and my parenting from my oh behaviour.My son is only two and already contributes by tidying his toys up and he helps me with jobs around the house.If anything oh being like this just emphasises that its important to show him.So oh behaviour makes me look like im not bringing my son up well?

OP posts:
Lazysuzanne · 19/12/2013 23:12

Even if you bring your kids up in an egalitarian household where both partners do an equal share they are still subject to the wider patriarchal culture and this tends to have more and more influence as kids grow up. My grown up son still appears to think that all things domestic are none of his concern despite my feminist stance.

We all do our best but some aspects of how kids turn out are beyond our control.
Women everywhere are fuming about the unequal division of domestic labour, it's not just a case of saying 'I'm not putting up with this shit' and then voila! problem solved.

It's more like trying to run up the bloody down escalator with your feet shackledConfused

Writerwannabe83 · 20/12/2013 00:27

I've just given my husband a week's warning about the new household rules about his Floor-Drobe. I explained there are only 5 places items of clothes should be:

  1. In the wardrobe
  2. On his body
  3. In the washing basket
  4. In the washing machine
  5. On the clothes horse.

I told him that as of next week all clothes that he leaves casually lying around the house will end up in the Wheelie Bin. I mean it too Smile

comingintomyown · 20/12/2013 07:25

OP check out blog of the day on here

Bumpsadaisie · 20/12/2013 07:38

Not a man thing. My DH works four days a week, has kids on the fifth day, sorts and loads the washing and does all the shopping and finances, plus all the DIY type jobs that need doing.

I work 3 days, have the kids 2 days and do everything else.

Bumpsadaisie · 20/12/2013 07:39

Oh he hoovers the whole house once every two weeks too.

M

Golddigger · 20/12/2013 07:48

Bump. And how did you get him to do that? You asked him and he did it?
Or he too likes a cleanish and tidyish house?
Those are not the same scenarios as are going on here.

Writer. You go girl.

MammaTJ The posters on here have said that they have no intention of letting their boys be like their man. One has even moved out because of it.

Limited. He may be going in the right direction.

OwlinaTree · 20/12/2013 07:49

Lolling at floor drobe!! My DH has one of those!

Writerwannabe83 · 20/12/2013 07:56

Gold - I have not long woken up, DH went to work an hour ago (it's very rare I hear him leave) and I can't believe it.....he has picked up all his clothes!!! Shock Smile

And, even better - he has taken them with him to work (as they aren't in the washing basket) to wash them himself!! A few days ago I told him that with the pregnancy I struggle to do the washing (tiny white lie maybe) and so maybe he had taken this on board too.....

My DH seems to have had a personality transplant.
He's even making the bed in the morning when he sleeps in the spare room (due to my pregnancy issues, not because we have argued, lol).

I'm preparing myself to face the biggest challenge yet - to get him to clean his bathroom. That will be the biggest achievement!!

To be fair - the last fe arguments we have had about housework I have really, really gone for it - maybe my pregnancy hormones have given me more of a backbone. I actually screamed at him that I'm dreading this baby coming because of how my life will be, I.e knackered from doing all the baby stuff and him doing f*ck all around the house (which I said to him) and he looked quite upset by that actually. In hindsight I probably shouldn't have said that because I can't wait for baby to arrive, but I just totally lost it at him.

I have also been really complaining about him to his parents (who know how bad he is to a degree) and even told them I had considered walking out - I wouldn't be surprised if they'd had a quiet word in his ear....

Golddigger · 20/12/2013 08:00

Wow. Absolute wow!
Well done you.

He can wash his clothes at work?
Are you sure he hasnt taken them to recyling and intends to buy a new set? [unlikely, and dont want to burst your bubble]. Or to his parents for his mum to wash them?

Golddigger · 20/12/2013 08:01

Today may be the start of a whole new MrWriterwannabe83.

Writerwannabe83 · 20/12/2013 08:02

His mum would tell him to piss off if he turned up with his washing Grin

He is a PE Teacher and they have clothes washing facilities at work to clean sports kits and things so he just makes uses of them. They have tumble dryers too so not only do his clothes come back clean, they come back dry too Grin No effort needed on my part!!

2rebecca · 20/12/2013 08:14

Not a man thing, my husband is tidier than me. If he was this lazy we wouldn';t be together, I'm never sure why women want to stay or get together in the first place with men like this.
On the other hand I rarely "tell" my husband what to do. We discuss what needs doing and divide jobs up. We both work though and I'm financially independant so him treating me like a servant just wouldn't have been allowed to happen.
It takes 2 to get into these bad habits.

Ledkr · 20/12/2013 08:22

Oh dear.
Its attitudes like "a man thing" that keep us back in the fifties.
They have a penis not fucking brain damage!

Writerwannabe83 · 20/12/2013 08:26

Grin @ledkr - I'm going to store that one liner for our next housework argument Grin

Ledkr · 20/12/2013 08:30

Well! It's bloody ridiculous.
If these guys lived alone they'd have to do stuff for themselves, getting a partner does not equate becoming helpless.

Writerwannabe83 · 20/12/2013 08:35

Exactly!!

I told my husband that he might be happy to live in a 'Shit Pit' but I'm not and enough is enough!! Grin

He breaks up for Christmas today and I already have a list formulated of all the jobs I want doing around the house....

Ledkr · 20/12/2013 09:04

Yes me too. Big list of jobs he can do on Monday while I'm working!

Original poster
LimitedEditionLady · 20/12/2013 10:25

Ill argue that 2 rebecca,it takes 2?Its not MY fault that hes lazy,he made the choice to be like that and stop contributing not me.It is not the other partners job to coax and train the other into doing basic things.So no i wont accept the blame for his attitude,obviously you kind of harbour the attitude that one should be telling the other what to do.

OP posts:
Golddigger · 20/12/2013 10:35

I do agree with training though.
We have all had to learn from someone.
So if he doesnt know how to work the washing machine[and all mine I have had[washing machines that is!] have been slightly different to each other], then I have given him a quick guide and run through.

Golddigger · 20/12/2013 10:40

There is now another thread running on much the same subject

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1943457-Housetraining-evolution-of-a-husband?msgid=43765823#43765823

BeCool · 20/12/2013 11:40

Another saying it is not a man thing.

I absolutely know for a fact that just because someone has a penis doesn't mean they can't take care of a home, wash clothes, organise diaries etc.

All the gay men I know, and single straight men too for that matter, have fabulous clean and tidy homes because A: they don't have kids and B: they keep their home/clothes/kitchen & lives clean and tidy and sorted. Themselves. With no 'help' or 'nagging' or wondering what to do? They are MEN but they can totally take care of themselves perfectly well. they are responsible for their own lives. And it's not amazing or special or wonderful - it is just really really really normal.

It IS an "I can get away with it lazy sexist fucker" problem - they think "she'll do it" and too often "she" does. Don't enable them.

BeCool · 20/12/2013 11:42

If you fall into the coaxing/pleading/list making role then you have two problems - firstly you become the "nag" and will be accused of "nagging" and secondly it is seem as they are doing things for YOU. Grrrr!

MammaTJ · 20/12/2013 11:49

Sorry, but I know you are trying your best with your DS but he will just think that he has to help because he is a child, when he grows up and gets a slave wife or partner of his very own, then he won't have to do anything because Daddy didn't.

I married a man who did bugger all and it was horrible. He never lifted a finger, despite me working 48 hours per week, to his 38, then moaned the house wasn't clean and tidy enough.

I may be projecting just a little bit

BeCool · 20/12/2013 11:49

Golddigger seriously though, who trained you to use a washing machine?

I can't recall anyone teaching me. It's pretty easy really. And if you do need to be shown it's just the once though isn't it? Or you can look at the manual? It's not like you need hand holding every time you need to clean clothes :)

I don't think I am genetically programmed to know how to use domestic appliances any more or less than my brother is, and I've never been trained by anyone in how to use any one of them.