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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is my work? really need some sensible advice here

275 replies

commutingnightmares · 13/12/2013 15:56

Have name changed for this as its sensitive.

Feel free to tell me if I'm being entitled but its really starting to stress me out and make me depressed and I need some advice about whether I have any rights or whether I just need a good talking to.

I'm a few months into a new job. Generally OK, colleagues are nice, work is interesting though the pay is worse than I was on before (long story). By and large everything is OK apart from one thing.

As part of my work I'm required to do a job from home very early in the morning (from just after 5am) which takes anything from an hour 15 mins to nearly 2 hours. I took this on readily and the quid pro quo is that I get to start an hour later than my colleagues, which suits me as it helps with my childcare drop off.

After I finish this shift I then have to get my daughter up, get her ready, get myself ready and get a bus and a train to drop her off at childcare before getting to my desk. I made clear before starting that the drop-off was non-negotiable -- my DH can't do the morning drop-off. This was accepted when I took the job.

Due to transport problems I sometimes get in a few minutes after my official start time. This varies but it works out on average that I'm about 5 minutes late most days, sometimes on time, sometimes more, but never very late.

My boss is now saying that I need to get in earlier and that I have to be in by the start time or else, ideally even earlier. I've pointed out to him that due to the fact that the lateness is always accounted for by transport problems, I can't do anything about this (my train network is really rubbish and services rarely run to time). I can't get an earlier train and still get the job done in good time and then attend to all the things I need to do to get my daughter ready, its simply not possible (I've tried).

The morning job is really really stressful for me, my daughter always wakes up in the middle of it and usually gets distressed and upset that I'm working.

I've offered to drop the morning job in order to get in earlier. Boss still isn't happy. Basically the key bone of contention seems to be that I have to be in exactly at the start time on the dot or else. If I'm even a couple of minutes late this seems to be a major problem for them, even though there are other people around and its not clear to me that it makes a massive difference, its usually pretty quiet at that time of day.

I could potentially move my daughter to another childcare provider closer to my home but this would only make a marginal difference to the commute and would be quite a wrench for her as she is settled where she is so I don't want to do this unless I really have to.

To my knowledge there aren't any other issues with my work, or at least none that I've been made aware of.

This is massively impacting my quality of life upsetting my DH and my daughter and constantly in trouble at work, I feel I can't win. I'm busting a gut every morning to get everything done on time and still seem incapable of pleasing anyone. A couple of friends one of whom is a lawyer -- have said they think the boss may be on shaky ground in terms of equal ops and should watch it. I don't want to get into anything ugly, but I can't help feeling that I'm being put under pressure that's verging on being unreasonable.

Can anyone give any advice?

OP posts:
FannyFifer · 13/12/2013 16:02

Can u suggest they only pay you for an hour of the morning job & use the rest as Flexi time for coming in later in the morning?

From what you say I think they are being unreasonable.

Original poster
commutingnightmares · 13/12/2013 16:05

Fanny
That's a good idea in theory but its a fixed rate, band salary job so I don't think they could do that. Frankly I can barely get by on the money they are paying as it is as well so I'm loathe to sacrifice any.

OP posts:
lymiemum · 13/12/2013 16:06

I don't think they are being unreasonable to expect you to start on time Tbh.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 13/12/2013 16:08

They are def BU as the only reason you are a tiny bit late is because you are doing work at home and then have to drop your DD off, which they knew you would have to do.

He is on shaky ground...you have offered to drop the morning job so that you can be in on time and he is still not happy....what are you supposed to do then?

How about just staying 5 minutes late every night to make up. Your boss sounds very petty so probably won't go for that either.

It's impossible for you to guarantee getting there bang on time - what does he suggest you do?

HappyMummyOfOne · 13/12/2013 16:10

Why are they on dodgy ground expecting you to get to work on time?

I dont think its being put under pressure in any shape or form re starting work on time. Your travel or child issues are not their problem.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 13/12/2013 16:10

How old is your DD? When she gets upset you are working does that take up time so that you are a bit later than you need to be?She needs to understand mum is working and can't tend to her just yet...but depends how old she is.

Moreisnnogedag · 13/12/2013 16:10

I don't think I understand. You start work at 5 am from home (everyday?), stop at say 7 and then go to work an hour later than everyone else.

I'm afraid I can't see how they are being unreasonable (but this might just be me). You have a start time in your contract which you aren't able to get there for but agreed to when you started. Are you being paid for the work done at home?

PandaNot · 13/12/2013 16:12

I think yabu. You have a start time and should be there by that time, ready to start work. Your childcare and transport arrangements need to be arranged to enable you to get to work on time, like everyone else. I can understand why your boss is annoyed.

WorraLiberty · 13/12/2013 16:13

How is he on shaky ground by insisting that you start your job on time?

I assume he insists everyone else does this too?

Original poster
commutingnightmares · 13/12/2013 16:14

Moreisnnogedag
Yes, that's correct. I am paid for the early work.
Maybe I am BU. Its just a bit of a shock to the system to me as I've never before worked anywhere where people watch the clock like this. I've worked in some very hard driving jobs before with long hours but generally you are trusted to get on with it and they don't care so much if you clock in and out. And its literally physically impossible to get in any earlier, so hard to see what I can do about it.

But fair enough, if I have to suck it up I have to suck it up.

OP posts:
Workberk · 13/12/2013 16:15

How do you get from nursery to your work? Walk? Bus? Cycle?

Original poster
commutingnightmares · 13/12/2013 16:16

Worra the person who told me this said that workplaces have to make reasonable allowances for flexible working if people have insurmountable childcare issues. I'm not making a judgment on this I'm simply relaying what was said.

OP posts:
Workberk · 13/12/2013 16:17

Btw I think he's not being unreasonable but I would hate to work somewhere where being 2 mins late is treated with contempt despite a willingness to make up the time elsewhere.

I think maybe he has to be seen to treat everyone equally.

mynewpassion · 13/12/2013 16:17

I don't think they are unreasonable either. You came to an agreement about your work schedule. You are late and often late.

You need to work out your transportation issues.

Spacecraft · 13/12/2013 16:18

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect you to be at your desk at the agreed time.

I don't understand why starting at home at 5am and working for 1:15 - 2hrs means you only get 1hr (effectively) in lieu.

But if that's what you agreed to to get the later start then yes, you should be on time

mynewpassion · 13/12/2013 16:22

But it sounds like its just not two minutes once a week but 5 or more minutes maybe 3x a week.

StealthPolarBear · 13/12/2013 16:23

Are they sayinf you need to be there at your (later) start time or the general statt time for everyone else

roses2 · 13/12/2013 16:24

You say you are late most days by five minutes, did I understand correctly it's not just the days you are doing the 5am job?

What kind of job do you have, a desk office job or a customer facing role?

Onesleeptillwembley · 13/12/2013 16:26

Children or not, being late almost every day is not on. I am stunned that you (and a couple of others) can't see that. Even if it's only 5 minutes, if it's regular then it's not on. And the fact that your child is upset is irrelevant, I'm afraid. You need to sort this, and take responsibility for your timekeeping.

Spacecraft · 13/12/2013 16:27

So, do you take a f-t salary for your job in the office, despite the late start and then get paid extra for the early work?

JohnnyUtah · 13/12/2013 16:27

It's not unreasonable to expect you there on time. Could you get an earlier train? It sounds like that's what you need to do. And be firmer with your daughter (yes, we've all been there, but people have to work and she will have to get used to it).

Thistledew · 13/12/2013 16:28

I hate bosses like this. Yes, technically, he can insist on you being in on time and instigate disciplinary procedures if you are not, but what is the f'ing point of him being so pedantic if it has no effect on the business. I think that employers who fail to treat their employees as human beings are pretty shit.

I would suggest that you set out in writing that you are aware that he is concerned about the time you arrive at work, and suggest that either you give up the early morning work, or that you move your official start time to 15 minutes later (assuming you can leave 15 minutes later at the end of the day). If neither of these are accepted, then ask for the business reason to be explained.

This scenario is very different from simply arriving at work on time each day, because the reason for your lateness is directly connected to duties that you are carrying out for your employer. It is not possible for you to start getting your daughter ready earlier, because you are having to work.

I think that an employment Tribunal would be unlikely to find it reasonable for your employer to dismiss you in this situation, particularly if you are pro-active in offering alternative solutions.

On a practical note, is there anything you can do to change your morning routine so that you are out the door earlier?

ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch · 13/12/2013 16:28

Starting work at 5am sounds like shit. Are you paid extra for that? And if they only pay you for an hour but you do more, I would certainly ask if that can be flexi time and used to amend your start time.

It does sound difficult if you are not used to clock watchers.

Original poster
commutingnightmares · 13/12/2013 16:28

Stealth I'm doing the 5am job every day.
Forget it its obviously just me, point taken, will keep trying to get in earlier.

OP posts:
LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 13/12/2013 16:31

I feel sorry for you, but it's not unreasonable for your employer to expect you to be at work on time. I generally find people arrive 20 mins before start time, to grab coffee and quick chat etc.

You need to request a meeting to discuss your predicament, and see what can be mutually decided.