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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband going to pub on Christmas Day

608 replies

lettucelamp · 11/12/2013 21:04

I need some advice, because I can't stop turning something over in my head. This is my first time posting so please be gentle with me Grin and it's a bit long winded!

My husband and I are hosting Christmas Day dinner at our house for the first time this year. I was really looking forward to it; it will be my inlaws coming but generally I get along with his parents very well, it's a bit up and down with his siblings but I'm not really worried, potentially just his sister coming as well, and my immediate family won't be there as they're going away for Christmas.

It was a bit of a Christmas tradition for my husband to go to the pub on Christmas day just before lunch was ready with his Dad, Grandad and brothers but his Grandad passed away a few years ago now, and we haven't had Christmas dinner with as a couple with his parents before (my mums last year, he insisted we have it on our own the previous two years, not living together prior to that).

Anyway so the other day he informed me that he was planning on going for a drink this Christmas day, just before lunch with his Dad (and undoubtedly any of his siblings that end up coming) and me and his Mum would have to stay behind with the dinner!

AIBU to be a bit upset about this?

I feel like it's a) completely sexist b) completely unfair that I'll be left to finish the cooking on my own and c) not right to divide the family group on Christmas day!

He said it in front of his Mum, and I acted a bit put out but in a kind of joking way, his Mum said she wouldn't mind stopping so I could go with them but I feel like that's not the point.

Had a big argument about it when we got home, and I feel torn. Part of me feels like it is only half an hour and he's normally a very good husband, doesn't go out often, and doesn't really ask for much but on the other hand I think it's sexist and exclusionary. Tried to work out a compromise but he won't go after lunch, won't go before lunch is starting to be cooked. Said he won't go as I'd "spoiled it now" and I ended up backing down/grovelling to him a bit! But I feel like the idea of being left cooking the dinner has spoilt Christmas Day a bit for me now - was really looking forward to it, now I'm dreading it a bit.

I can't decide if I'm being overly dramatic or if I'm right to not like the idea, and I want to get some perspective. What do you think - AIBU?

OP posts:
caruthers · 11/12/2013 23:52

Tabliope Wed 11-Dec-13 23:49:49

Now you're being deliberately obtuse. Your view doesn't matter any more than my one does - the point is the OP's view does matter and hers doesn't agree with yours and she's not happy with it.

-------

This is AIBU isn't it?

Then she's AIBU.

Tabliope · 11/12/2013 23:53

cjel - the MIL's view in this OP is irrelevant so you're the one being deliberately ridiculous, a bit thick and obtuse. Good night to you too. Don't forget to make hubby his hot water bottle and get up early to make his brekkie.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 11/12/2013 23:54

Yes, negative conjecture about the OP's marriage at this point is absolutely right Hmm - just because she's not that happy about being left to the Christmas dinner - while they go off to the pub! - god what a tyrant she must be!

Tabliope · 11/12/2013 23:55

oh god, didn't want to get dragged into whatever argument you've got going on caruthers but I've no idea what you're on about. She's not being unreasonable. He is. Not for wanting to go to the pub, his presentation of the idea to his wife, his expectations on how the day was going to pan out without considering her and her wishes, not that she gets precedence but just as well mannered thoughtful people do.

ViviPru · 11/12/2013 23:55

Well, technically, caruthers, following that logic, she's BU

(For the record I think she's not BU)

caruthers · 11/12/2013 23:56

Bogeyface Wed 11-Dec-13 23:51:12

Caruthers Actually, I have never called anyone a dick, its not a very clever insult is it?

But you implying that any MNer that disagrees with your plan is just being difficult, is ridiculous

I said quite clearly that there are posters on this thread that like me think this is a drama.

Why don't you go back to being abusive it suits you better Wine

Bogeyface · 11/12/2013 23:57

When that pair of hands is removed and you are left with a helper who you have never cooked with before, it could be awful.

Good lord, it's a family lunch, not the Fat Duck!

Have you cooked a three course Xmas lunch for 14? I have, many many times. And having a pair of hands that you rely on is invaluable, especially when you have a kitchen the size of a postage stamp!

Seriously though, sharing your kitchen with anyone can be stressful (Spoony Fucker anyone?! :o ) but someone who could be a panicker, could be a spoony fucker, could be useless, could be a control freak, could be all of the above but you dont find out until they are in your kitchen......it would be a nightmare! I can cook very well and I do, but if I suddenly had to share my kitchen with someone else, I would get very stressed and if you say you wouldnt then I dont believe you!

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 11/12/2013 23:58

Yes, she's BU for not wanting to be little more than a domestic servant on Christmas Day. Bad OP. You will stay behind with the MIL with the dinner. You must not moan - for 'tis your place. Confused

cjel · 11/12/2013 23:59

My post was in response to a poster who had mentioned the MILs view. I even addressed her by name at the beginning of my post . OP also said she knows its only half an hour and is undecided if she is being unreasonable so even by her own post she isn't as upset about it as you are making out.I am not thick so please don't abuse me. I also have no H to be making breakfast for so now you have caused me pain by pointing that out as well so well done.

maddy68 · 11/12/2013 23:59

Why is it being sexist wanting to go for a drink with his dad?
I go for a walk with my mum while my husband makes Christmas. Lunch. Am I being sexist?
He just wants an hour with his dad as that's what they've always done. That's what memories are made of

caruthers · 11/12/2013 23:59

Tabliope Wed 11-Dec-13 23:55:13

oh god, didn't want to get dragged into whatever argument you've got going on caruthers but I've no idea what you're on about

Might I suggest you read the thread?

It's an old fashioned saying but it's apt.

"If someone told you to put your head in the fire would you?".

Bogeyface · 11/12/2013 23:59

This is Am I Being Unreasonable isn't it?

Then she's Am I Being Unreasonable".

Snurk

Bogeyface · 12/12/2013 00:00

caruthers please C&P where I have been abusive. :)

lilolilmanchester · 12/12/2013 00:03

Not read all the messages (sorry ) but my DH had a family tradition of going to the pub with his dad and brother way before my time, so I respected that as part of his Christmas Day. Now he goes with mates , just for an hour or 2... No big deal. We just arrange our time plan around that, and he helps out with prep beforehand and helps out when he gets back

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 12/12/2013 00:03

caruthers, I'm guessing, leaves his wife to cook the christmas dinner. He also has to be told not to walk muddy boots through the house. I'm guessing. But, he's doing his wife a favour - you know, jus being nice, like, because she asked him to take his boots off at the door, and he did.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 12/12/2013 00:04

That's nice, isn't it?

ViviPru · 12/12/2013 00:04

Not for wanting to go to the pub, his presentation of the idea to his wife, his expectations on how the day was going to pan out without considering her and her wishes, not that she gets precedence but just as well mannered thoughtful people do.

Yes, this. Had her DH said
DW, I know it's a bit old-fashioned but I'd really like to honour the family tradition of popping to the pub just before lunch to toast Granddad just before lunch on Christmas Day... I imagine it could be a bit tricky to work out. What do you think? Would you like to come? Shall we get everything totally prepped together first? Maybe you'd prefer a quiet half hour to yourself at home? How could we work it?"

Then fine. BUT HE DIDNT, DID HE??? He told her what he was going to do, what he expected her to do, and this was not up for discussion. THAT is what we are all objecting to.

caruthers · 12/12/2013 00:05

Bogeyface Thu 12-Dec-13 00:00:52

caruthers please C&P where I have been abusive.

I don't need to do I?

But you're getting a little bit upset about a few sprouts and a dab of gravy.

Suggestion?

Bottle down and log off and come back fresh in the morning Smile

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 12/12/2013 00:06

Right, vivi - and then he sulked and stropped when she raised an objection.

SantaIKnowHimIKnowHim · 12/12/2013 00:06

Why the F can't EVERYONE go to the pub before dinner if that's what you badly want?! Genuine question.
Why does someone need to be left behind cooking and stirring or whatever?!
ALL go! Nothing stopping you.
Prep your veg beforehand and have it standing in water ready to pop on to cook when you come back, and have your roast potatoes parboiled.
Starter of soup or whatever made the night before.
It's only YOU stopping you going to the pub with them, no-one else! Confused

caruthers · 12/12/2013 00:07

This reply has been deleted

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Bogeyface · 12/12/2013 00:08

Well as you accused me of being abusive, then yes, you do.

If I have then I will report those posts myself. I will always put my hand up if I have done wrong.

So, where exactly have I been abusive?

Bottle down and log off and come back fresh in the morning

1/10. Could do better. Its a school night, I am an insomniac and will probably still be here at 3 am, still sober as a judge.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 12/12/2013 00:10

Yes, I'm married, caruthers. My dh wouldn't even ask to go down the pub without me on Christmas Day. He certainly wouldn't expect me to stay home with the dinner. Nor I him. We have respect for each other, like.

caruthers · 12/12/2013 00:10

This reply has been deleted

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masirah · 12/12/2013 00:11

FFS, it's only (apparently) half an hour. Let him go, get him from under your feet and make the most of his absence. He is a plonker! I will be with my Wife all day and offering to help if I can, without doubt I will be disregarded and frowned upon. We (husbands) cannot win, but don't be fooled, 99.999% of households on Christmas Day rely on the Wife.