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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To complain about this??

579 replies

absentmindeddooooodles · 11/12/2013 16:55

My ds is 2.9. He goes to the nursery down the road one day a week. ( cannot afford for him to go any more regularly) just to get socialised and to try and work on seperation anxiety. velcro child syndrome

Went to pick him up today and was met by three of the nursery workers "wanting to have a talk".

This got me really worried as they looked very....strict. like I was being bloody told off.

To cut a long story short....they told me that as my son is still in nappies I would have to think about taking him out of nursery until the problem is sorted!! ( problem him not being potty trained)

They talked for a good ten mins about how its an inconvenience to them having such a big boy needing constant monitoring incase hes done a poo.

I didnt want to get into an argument and never would infront of all the kids, but did put across a couple of points:
. He is in "the baby room" as they call it. Babies from birth to 3 years. There are fewer older toddlers than babies....so I imagine they should be all set up forpchanging nappies.
.theybe never said anything to me before about him being in nappies being an issue. I have even had discussions with his keyworker about the favt that I had tried potty training him but he got a v bad bout of chicken pox right in the middle of it so we have gone back to square one.
. I dont personally think he's too old to be in nappies. He's not 3 until april and as long as he isn't rocking up to his first day of school in pampers Its fine.
. He is currently undergoing a diagnnosis for adhd and possibly as. It's bloody hard enough to get through the day without making him do something hes not ready to.

Their response to all the above was that he is more than old enough to be using a toilet and by him not doing this its taking time away from the babies who actually need looking after!!!!!

Out of the three of them who spoke to me....the youngest one ( about 16 on placement) told me it was disgusting to have to clean up a fully grown childs poo!

Im reeling and actually v embarassed as there were quite a few other parents round while this was going on.

Now I know ianbu to not be impressed with the way this was dealt with......but aibu to not have potty trained him by now?

Should he be totally out of nappies by this age? This is my first dc and moat friends dc are younger thn mine. A family member had their dd totally dry through the night by 2.5....but all kids are different.....surely its down to the individual?

Im sorry this has been so epically long...but am at a loss!
.

OP posts:
AlineAP · 13/12/2013 17:46

Well, I used to work at a day care and we began to talk about potty training with parents of children of 18 months old and above. Most kids are ready to potty train at 18 months old, however, as child development is not the same for every child, some are ready before and some after.
I am due in April with my first, and I plan (yes, in theory everything is easy) to begin potty training him when he is 18 months old. Will I be successful? Who knows... =)
You know your child and you know whether he is or not ready to potty train.
Unfortunately, there is no one to help you at the day care, because if the workers told you that, probably the manager agrees...
I hope you can find the best solution!

Good luck!

ElbowPrincess · 13/12/2013 17:48

18 months? For real? Shock

EirikurNoromaour · 13/12/2013 17:51

18 months? Bollocks. I've never met a child who was remotely ready at 18 months. Sure you don't mean 2 and 1/2?

noseymcposey · 13/12/2013 17:51

Grin I don't think I know anyone who was potty trained at 18months!

AllThatGlistensIsChristmassy · 13/12/2013 17:51

18 months?! Oh for fucks sake Shock

Any early years setting advocating that kind of bullshit needs investigating. Utterly ridiculous.

noseymcposey · 13/12/2013 17:52

Must be 2.5 not 1.5.

Apart from being physically ready many, many 18month olds just wouldn't have the communication skills for potty training at 18 months.

Whatisaweekend · 13/12/2013 17:58

18 months??? What utter rubbish. I wonder if AlineAP trained on the same course as the 16 year old? Hmm

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 13/12/2013 17:58

My DD was TT just before she was 4, i tried many time to get her TT, but she was getting it, then it just clicked with her.

ItsIgginningToLookALotLikeXmas · 13/12/2013 18:02

Some are ready before 18 months? That's hard to believe (looking at my 18 month old and his db as I write.)
I think that kind of early training is more a case of the parent catching it in time, rather than the child having any control over his bladder/bowel.

Maryz · 13/12/2013 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 13/12/2013 18:18

Every child is different and you here of parents getting so stressed because the child has wet himself yet again...when its done at the right time the child will have, and maybe not, one or two accidents only.

I feel so sorry for these children being forced into doing things ahead of time just because the parents has some invisible timetable.

ClayDavis · 13/12/2013 18:18

I doubt very many, if any are ready before 18 months. But at 18 months isn't that out there. Not all children will be ready at that age but many will be ready to be trained between 1.5 and 2. And not just as a result of parents catching it in time. Obviously you don't need to do it then and can leave it later.

Not quite sure why AlineAP is getting such a hard time over it. She didn't say they forced their 18 month olds to be toilet trained regardless of whether they were ready or not.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 13/12/2013 18:19

Mine was about 3.5 got it in two weeks, one bed wet no clothes wet.

FreeWee · 13/12/2013 18:21

I was potty trained at 18 months due to chicken pox scabs getting infected but I'm not planning on potty training my DD that early. My friend has just potty trained her DS at 2.11 and was pleased to have done it by his third birthday. That seems more normal to me. But as I said I did it at 18 months apparently. And have the scars to prove it. Sorry this is about the OP not me. As you were.

Ruffcat · 13/12/2013 18:24

Potty training an 18 months old = sitting a baby on a potty, leaving him on long enough that he eventually does a wee. I'm sure you've got the child's best interests at heart Angry

HankyScore · 13/12/2013 18:26

Gosh it's funny how all those statements have all the same spelling mistakes.

Proffesional?

AlineAP · 13/12/2013 18:41

18 months we began talking, it was up to the parents to do or not. Over there, at 2 1/2 no children were wearing diapers. We had order from the principal, so we HAD to do.
The oldest one I taught, stopped wearing diapers at 2...

As I am saying, it was the practice at that daycare. It was not in England, also.

I will try with mine. Let's see if it works...

I can say that, for some children, it works perfectly. For others, not so much.

HappyCliffmas · 13/12/2013 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 13/12/2013 18:44

Of course its in the nurserys best interest's to have the children trained early, as they can continue to pay their monkeys peanuts and do the bare minimum to maximise profits.

magicstars · 13/12/2013 18:48

They are nasty and UR. Find him a new nursery.

deakymom · 13/12/2013 19:08

seriously? vote with your feet and leave every child is different my daughter didnt potty train till she was 3 my son was hardly 2 my daughter was dry at night faster than my son too

Oakmaiden · 13/12/2013 19:10

Well, with regard to the 18 month thing - I had severe depression when I was pregnant with my third child, and SS became involved in the moths leading up to his birth. One of the concerns cited in their initial report (carried out when baby 3 was born) was that I had made "no effort" to potty train my daughter. She was 17 months old at the time. ?Insane.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 13/12/2013 19:27

Thinking about the set up at dd's nursery (which is a purpose built building) it is as follows:-

Under 2s:- direct access to big nappy changing room, only indirect access to toilets
2 - 3s :- direct access to toilets and big nappy changing room
3+ :- direct access to toilets and small nappy changing room

So I guess they are not expecting under 2s to be potty trained at all, are expecting a mix of nappies and toilet trained in the 2 - 3 room and are expecting most over 3s to be trained but not all.

That fits in with what I have observed from friends too - none of us started before 2, all were at least part way by 3. (At 3.9 dd still not reliably dry at night.)

I can't imagine tring to train dd at 18 months - she'd only just learnt to walk then!

MrsCakesPremonition · 13/12/2013 19:28

My DD was potty trained by 18 months. We noticed that she was dry over night and then soaking her nappy on waking. So we put her on the potty first thing in the morning for her giant overnight wee, she got the hang of it at once and then it took another week to get to grips with using the potty during the day.

DS was a very different kettle of fish. Grin.

But no way would I force the issue with a child who wasn't ready.

ProfPlumSpeaking · 13/12/2013 19:55

Try not to rise to the counter allegations, even temporarily. They do not dignify a response and are put up as a smoke screen.. If you forward all those emails, statements and records to the authorities then they speak for themselves: there has clearly been collusion and lying at the nursery, right from the off. It is illuminating that the nursery's first email refers to the fact that they thought you were about to become hostile. How the heck can you tell if someone is about to be hostile, when presumably, at that very moment they, um, are not hostile? This morphed into later allegations of hostility. Their claims look pathetic so don't let them side track you into defending yourself (honestly, there is no need) but concentrate on the main issue here which is getting this nursery investigated and checking that the DC there are safe and well cared for.

Other advice:

  1. If possible, leave the boy out of it as he will likely lose his job - he is young and naive enough not to realise that which is very sweet but try not to drag him down. His testimony does not add much as the emails etc already speak for themselves in their stupidity.
  1. Pay no attention to your NDN. You will not change her.
  1. SS will see that you have a lovely home. Try not to dwell on that. They will have been looking around to check things like whether you have food in the fridge and/or a bed for your ds, and bed linen and for obvious signs of neglect or abuse. They honestly won't be judging your DS's pink pj's or his chocolatey face.

Lastly, have you got room in your life for a puppy that has been landed on you? Perhaps look at rehoming whilst it is still young if this was not an acquisition you had planned for. Dogs are time consuming and you have to be up for that rather than having it dumped on you. Ignore me if you love the idea of a dog and it fits with your lifestyle quite happily.