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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To complain about this??

579 replies

absentmindeddooooodles · 11/12/2013 16:55

My ds is 2.9. He goes to the nursery down the road one day a week. ( cannot afford for him to go any more regularly) just to get socialised and to try and work on seperation anxiety. velcro child syndrome

Went to pick him up today and was met by three of the nursery workers "wanting to have a talk".

This got me really worried as they looked very....strict. like I was being bloody told off.

To cut a long story short....they told me that as my son is still in nappies I would have to think about taking him out of nursery until the problem is sorted!! ( problem him not being potty trained)

They talked for a good ten mins about how its an inconvenience to them having such a big boy needing constant monitoring incase hes done a poo.

I didnt want to get into an argument and never would infront of all the kids, but did put across a couple of points:
. He is in "the baby room" as they call it. Babies from birth to 3 years. There are fewer older toddlers than babies....so I imagine they should be all set up forpchanging nappies.
.theybe never said anything to me before about him being in nappies being an issue. I have even had discussions with his keyworker about the favt that I had tried potty training him but he got a v bad bout of chicken pox right in the middle of it so we have gone back to square one.
. I dont personally think he's too old to be in nappies. He's not 3 until april and as long as he isn't rocking up to his first day of school in pampers Its fine.
. He is currently undergoing a diagnnosis for adhd and possibly as. It's bloody hard enough to get through the day without making him do something hes not ready to.

Their response to all the above was that he is more than old enough to be using a toilet and by him not doing this its taking time away from the babies who actually need looking after!!!!!

Out of the three of them who spoke to me....the youngest one ( about 16 on placement) told me it was disgusting to have to clean up a fully grown childs poo!

Im reeling and actually v embarassed as there were quite a few other parents round while this was going on.

Now I know ianbu to not be impressed with the way this was dealt with......but aibu to not have potty trained him by now?

Should he be totally out of nappies by this age? This is my first dc and moat friends dc are younger thn mine. A family member had their dd totally dry through the night by 2.5....but all kids are different.....surely its down to the individual?

Im sorry this has been so epically long...but am at a loss!
.

OP posts:
queeneric · 13/12/2013 14:43

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juneybean · 13/12/2013 14:46

Well yoy

slev · 13/12/2013 14:48

And just to add. My FIL is a social worker (in child protection) and is currently staying with us. When I left this morning, DS was running round the house in his pants and a sunhat Confused, having refused breakfast in favour of a custard cream. Which FIL had given him. If he referred people based on clothing choices and eating sweets, we would be quite high up his list...

I wouldn't worry about SS. They will easily see the differene between a neglectful parent and a parent who enjoys life with a toddler and doesn't get stressed if they want to wear pink pyjamas - at least he was wearing something! They have to ask questions about the dog so that they don't get accused of missing something - imagine if they left and the dog attacked DS but they hadn't picked up on it. At the end of the day, they've received a malicious report and they have to check it out - they're just doing their job and I'm sure nothing will happen.

Not trying to belittle how stressful it must have been though - just hoping that you can see the more rational side of it as well.

McPie · 13/12/2013 14:49

queeneric Then why comment? Why not report to MN and let them decide?
Life is not straight forward for all of us, I would never have expected a friend of 9 years to drop me because of a bunch of lies made by a mother we have had little to do with over the years as much as the OP would have expected being side lined with these accusations!

EQ2Junkie · 13/12/2013 14:53

You cannot trust your ndn an inch. You need to have nothing to do with her any more as I bet she will use this against you.

Do not let her in the house.

Do not go anywhere near her DD.

Do not feed her DD.

You need to protect yourself and your family from any further malice from this woman.

MammaTJ · 13/12/2013 15:16

Don't panic. I had malicious allegations made against me to SS. By two seperate (but friends) people. They investigated.

They went away.

They wrote saying they were happy the allegations were malicious.

Your HV will back you up, as mine did.

Lesshastemorespeed · 13/12/2013 15:28

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absentmindeddooooodles · 13/12/2013 15:44

I know that I wouldnt believe any of it if I were reading as an outsider. But:

  1. I do not have the time or the inclination to make something like this up.
  2. the reason for my own horrwndous amount of typos is that I have fat thumbs, am typing hastily on my phone, and the screen is badly cracked so quite hard to see alot/ always get the right buttons as its a touch screen.
  3. ive explained the reasons I believe there to be so many errors in the statements. I can't speculate on that any more as am out of ideas. All statements we copied and pasted from the emails and the only things changed were names and personal details.
  4. why would anyone make simething like this up?!?! Id be bloody gobsmacked to think that someone could sit there lying to a bunch of strangers about something that would affect a child! I just dont get it!

I really appreciate all the help from everyone and totally see where the others are coming from with not quite believing it. But honestly, im not a troll. Ive been on herw since I was pg with ds and found it really helpful and supportive. :)

OP posts:
DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts · 13/12/2013 15:55

Oh dear, ss was always going to be the next step, though the ndn stuff makes everything much more complicated.

QuintessentialShadows · 13/12/2013 15:58

(This is why I never name-change if my story seem totally out of this world one way or the other - people could easily think I would troll)

It is Friday now, so try have a good weekend. Cake Wine

JulieJingleBellsMumsnet · 13/12/2013 16:02

Afternoon.

Many thanks to those who have got in touch about this thread. Just a friendly post to remind you about our talk guidelines. If you're concerned about ANYTHING (apart from anything of an intimate nature) we'd love to hear from you.

Sounds like a stressful situation, absentminded. We hope you manage to get it sorted quickly.

Thanks
MammaTJ · 13/12/2013 16:42

So Julie, the boil on my bum.......................?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 13/12/2013 16:42

I wonder if all the emails are from the same person because they are spent unprofessional wrong, including the male worker...? They all have questionable spelling and grammar too which is unproffessional unprofessional.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 13/12/2013 16:43

*they all spelt not spent!

decaffwithcream · 13/12/2013 16:47

I too am disappointed at Julie's moratorium on consulting her on intimate matters MammaTJ. Its a Friday!

misskatamari · 13/12/2013 16:48

To be fair though I think quite a lot of people probably spell unprofessional incorrectly

MammaTJ · 13/12/2013 16:51

I think they are all spelt the same because the actual statements were hand written and then typed in to email form by the same person, the person sending the email.

Just coincidence that the young man was also badly taught, probably by the same bad school.

MammaTJ · 13/12/2013 16:52

decaff, maybe she has had so much gin, she doesn't realise what day it is!

decaffwithcream · 13/12/2013 16:54

Well that would be a reasonable excuse.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 13/12/2013 16:58

It wasn't just unprofessional that was spelt wrong, there were loads of typos. It's so unacceptable! MammaTJ you're probably right that the notes were handwritten and then types.

LindyHemming · 13/12/2013 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kinnane · 13/12/2013 17:05

I second that "They should not be in childcare". They are disgusting not your little boy. I would never send my child there again.

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating · 13/12/2013 17:07

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realblueprint · 13/12/2013 17:21

I think you may need to pull the thread, OP. Not for any reason other than to protect yourself and whatever process is going to take place. The last thing you want is for anyone to read this, and to know what move you are going to make next.

BlackeyedShepherdswatchsheep · 13/12/2013 17:39

(sigh)

mama, if you have a boil on your bum, you have to sound the klaxon and then take cover from the sporners rushing in.

(considers reporting mama for trolling about boils and causing unnecessary distress to all sporners)

oops sorry back to the thread....

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