To complain about this??

[absentmindeddooooodles]

My ds is 2.9. He goes to the nursery down the road one day a week. ( cannot afford for him to go any more regularly) just to get socialised and to try and work on seperation anxiety. velcro child syndrome

Went to pick him up today and was met by three of the nursery workers "wanting to have a talk".

This got me really worried as they looked very....strict. like I was being bloody told off.

To cut a long story short....they told me that as my son is still in nappies I would have to think about taking him out of nursery until the problem is sorted!! ( problem him not being potty trained)

They talked for a good ten mins about how its an inconvenience to them having such a big boy needing constant monitoring incase hes done a poo.

I didnt want to get into an argument and never would infront of all the kids, but did put across a couple of points:
. He is in "the baby room" as they call it. Babies from birth to 3 years. There are fewer older toddlers than babies....so I imagine they should be all set up forpchanging nappies.
.theybe never said anything to me before about him being in nappies being an issue. I have even had discussions with his keyworker about the favt that I had tried potty training him but he got a v bad bout of chicken pox right in the middle of it so we have gone back to square one.
. I dont personally think he's too old to be in nappies. He's not 3 until april and as long as he isn't rocking up to his first day of school in pampers Its fine.
. He is currently undergoing a diagnnosis for adhd and possibly as. It's bloody hard enough to get through the day without making him do something hes not ready to.

Their response to all the above was that he is more than old enough to be using a toilet and by him not doing this its taking time away from the babies who actually need looking after!!!!!

Out of the three of them who spoke to me....the youngest one ( about 16 on placement) told me it was disgusting to have to clean up a fully grown childs poo!

Im reeling and actually v embarassed as there were quite a few other parents round while this was going on.

Now I know ianbu to not be impressed with the way this was dealt with......but aibu to not have potty trained him by now?

Should he be totally out of nappies by this age? This is my first dc and moat friends dc are younger thn mine. A family member had their dd totally dry through the night by 2.5....but all kids are different.....surely its down to the individual?

Im sorry this has been so epically long...but am at a loss!
.

He absolutely IS involved.

He has witnessed their conversations about her son.

This has come about because the nursery is generally absolutely awful. He has witnessed this also. He is a huge key in exposing this nursery.

OP send his statement to ofsted and let them decide. They are the ones that decide whether statement will be used or not, not us mere mortals on mumsnet.

Also it isnt 'gossip' or tit or tat,

He is a professional who has seen bad things which needs to be bought to light.

He will be listened to.

OP, I think you need to send on his statement to ensure he stays OUT of trouble with Ofsted/the council, to prevent him being tarnished with the same brush!

Very good point, I hadnt thought of it from that point of view.

His statement definitely needs tombe forwarded, thats for sure.

I have read this thread with my jaw slowing dropping further and further to the floor! This is disgusting and I hope you take this as far as you can.

Surely your neighbour would be in college just now, if she is on the same course as the 16 year old?

At the very least the male employee has seen the involved members of staff in each other's company while writing personal statements about the incident- apart from the obvious language similarities used it indicates conferring on what should have been a private statement and makes them even more unbelievable.

Just wanted to say Op that you're doing amazing! Keep at it, I can't wait for the nursery to be hauled over the coals for this, I'd be boiling over if this had happened to my child.

sorry, should not would! Your neighbour should be in college just now with the 16 year old. She maybe wont be on the course for too much longer!

This whole story has disgusted me! Feel so very sorry for you and your son OP. Just let him know that some people are just horrible and its definitely not his fault.

As for the 16 year old, she shouldn't be excused in any way for her behaviour just because of her age. I don't know any 16 year old that would find this behaviour acceptable! She's certainly in the wrong profession if she can't handle a pooey nappy and I hope her future DC's potty train themselves before they start weaning

Personally I'd include the lads statement but hope that he would include the reasons as to why he's made this statement - he's found their behaviour disgusting, not been asked by the OP etc.
Hope this gets resolved in the the best way possible way for you OP and hope the witches find a heart or a profession where they don't have to work with children

Lads statement:

Name
Dob ( hes 18)
Position in nursery

Date of statement

To whom it may concern.

I am apaulled and ashamed at what I have seen go on in my place of work regarding the situation with miss doodles and her son ds.

On (date last week) we had a new employee from our partner site do two shifts in our baby room. Name ( neighbour...lets call her ndn) was unproffesional from the moment she walked in the door.

On a number of occasions I overheard ndn speaking to other staff members about miss doodles. She spoke in a very nasty and uncalled for manner. As I was working in the same room as ndn and her friend who is on work placement here, I heard alot of converstions.

The one that stiod out to me was that miss doodles lives next door to ndn. Ndn is annoyed as miss doodles refused to babysit when ndn wanted to go out. She used very offensive language as did our student and they were told by ke and another member of staff to not use that language quite alot of times.

Ndn has made alot off allegations to staff members in the baby room about miss doodles and ds. Including that ds is not properly looked after, that ndn has inappropriate people over to the house. She has also told all of the staff that ds has autism and she was present when a hv confirmed this.

The reason that I think this all "kicked off" so to speak is that ndn and the female staff in the baby room have become very close. Ndn is in her words " pissed off" with mrs doodles from preventing her going to a party by not babysitting.

I was not present when the discussion about potty training went on. I was told earlier it would be happening though.

A direct quote from my manager ( name)

If ds does have autism then we havnt got enough time to be looking after him aswell as the other kids with it. "

I know because of talks with miss doodlea about ds's development that he is at the moment being assesed for adhd/as. All of us are aware of this so we can help him in any way. He is very well behaved at nursery and never a bother. I do not think he needs to be toilet trained right now. When he is ready is always the right time. We have many children in the baby room and the big room who are still in nappies and it is not a problem.

The fact that he is being assessed for adhd/as has made no difference to us. Apart feom looking out for any behavioural issues....which he never has.

I am shocked that my colleagues have acted like this. I very much feel that it has all been done maliciously and I will stand up and say that to anyone who needs to hear.

I cannot support my place of work in this matter. My colleague ( name) is very happy to back up what I have said and give her own view on it all.

Miss doodles is always polite and works very well with us. Ds is a pleasure. Always polite, clean, tidy and well behaved. Anyone saying different is mistaken.

Name

Email address

Phone number

Signature

Oh ndn would be in the year above student ( year older)

I know she goes to college 2 days a wewk amd work 2 aswell.

So sorry that you are having to go through all this OP. Hope that you and your DS are having a lovely afternoon together. The situation at nursery is a bag of rats isn't it? You are doing the right thing for the other children there. Take care of yourself.

That lad sounds lovely. I bet he is a lovely carer.

That is a bloody good email from an intelligent and mature 18 year old lad. The difference between that and the slagging off from the guilty parties shines through.

It beautifully lays out that EVERYONE there was aware that your DS was being assessed and that they got rid because it may have been hard work.

I think you may just have found a lovely baby sitter for future needs.

You seriously cannot withhold his statement. Lovely lad.

The lad sounds fab and is showing real integrity standing apart from his employers. These people are going to get creamed once Ofsted get to grips with all this.

Well done OP, stick to your guns!

Now I've read the whole thread.

I was a nursery nurse before having DC and I've also got a little boy a little bit older than your DS, he's 2.11. 2 of my other children (I have 4 altogether) have SN.

If the nursery are planning on taking it further they will contact either the police or social services. If they do that a social worker will probably ring or visit to find out your side of the story and then the nursery will be in trouble with them as well as Ofsted. TBH I think they are bluffing.

The young man who works at the nursery sounds fantastic.

The student needs a reminder from her college to keep her opinions to herself and also needs reminding that if she wants a career working with young children this will involve poo, wee, puke and blood.

Your DS sounds like he is doing really well. I wouldn't expect a child his age to know the alphabet or to count beyond about 5. My DS isn't ready to toilet train yet but like your DS he is starting to show signs of being nearly ready. If anyone tried to force him at this stage I would be furious.

There shouldn't be rules about how often a child is allowed to poo at nursery. As for excluding a child because of their SN, that isn't on. My DS2's preschool was happy to take him when I wanted him to go, it was me who wanted to wait until he was 3 and walking before he started. It sounds like they are just making excuses to me and they'd rather have a nursery full of children who can look after themselves while they just laze around.

If I can be of any help, just shout. My knowledge of nurseries is a bit out of date though.

Ok so the first bit ks a bit gossipy but the last half is good you NEED this.

We are kutched up on the sofa watching ds thomas movie :) with chocolate

Rhe lad is absoloutley lovely. Always smiling and singing with the kids....always one or two hanging off him for cuddles. Ds will miss him!

Ive emailed back thanking him for his support and kind words and assured him that his statement will not rwflect badly on him. Have also told him that I will send it on if he is sure he wants to get involved as obviously it could cause tensions for him at work.

I hope he finds a new job as hes genuinley bloody good with kids as seems to love his work.

I know I'm on my own here, but I'd still not bring all of this background stuff into it. It makes it all sound like an episode of Jeremy Kyle, rather than a straightforward case of the nursery being incompetent and breaking just about every guideline there is - much easier to present to Ofsted than tales of the next door neighbour.

Best of luck though.

Also, did you copy and paste it?

Whats the problem with everyones spelling? They must have all gone to the same school

*Well have recieved a reply:

Mrs doodles

Thankyou for raising your concerns with us in your email this morning. We take all complaints very seriously.
However, we feel that you have absoloutley no grounds for complaint in this instance. You were very clearly informed upon joining the nursery that any children were expexted to be fully toilet trained by the time they reach 2 1/2 years old...this is in preperation for moving up into our older room in which currwntly none of the children are still in nappies.
Ds currently requires a full nappy change on average of 4 times a day. This is far above amd beyond the requirements of the other children in the same room as him. We cannot dedicate this amount of time to any one child.
In response to your allegations about the way you were dealt with: we followed nursery protocol, which is to quietly address any concerns with a parent on a one to one basis. You were addressed by ds' s key worker initially, and when we felt that you were about to become hostile, said keyworker was joined by the nursery manager so as to avoid any upset to the children in the room at the time.
If you wish to take this further than we would be more than happy to co-operate by providing statements feom each staff member in the room at the time.
Unfortunatley we feel that it would no longer be in the best interests of ds or our staff for ds to carry on attending our nursery.

We wish you all the best in the future.

Manager.*

OP did you copy and paste this? He manager, and staff and er, you, all have the same typos and spelling mistakes......

If the admin lady has access to email, she may have emailed op