To complain about this??

[absentmindeddooooodles]

My ds is 2.9. He goes to the nursery down the road one day a week. ( cannot afford for him to go any more regularly) just to get socialised and to try and work on seperation anxiety. velcro child syndrome

Went to pick him up today and was met by three of the nursery workers "wanting to have a talk".

This got me really worried as they looked very....strict. like I was being bloody told off.

To cut a long story short....they told me that as my son is still in nappies I would have to think about taking him out of nursery until the problem is sorted!! ( problem him not being potty trained)

They talked for a good ten mins about how its an inconvenience to them having such a big boy needing constant monitoring incase hes done a poo.

I didnt want to get into an argument and never would infront of all the kids, but did put across a couple of points:
. He is in "the baby room" as they call it. Babies from birth to 3 years. There are fewer older toddlers than babies....so I imagine they should be all set up forpchanging nappies.
.theybe never said anything to me before about him being in nappies being an issue. I have even had discussions with his keyworker about the favt that I had tried potty training him but he got a v bad bout of chicken pox right in the middle of it so we have gone back to square one.
. I dont personally think he's too old to be in nappies. He's not 3 until april and as long as he isn't rocking up to his first day of school in pampers Its fine.
. He is currently undergoing a diagnnosis for adhd and possibly as. It's bloody hard enough to get through the day without making him do something hes not ready to.

Their response to all the above was that he is more than old enough to be using a toilet and by him not doing this its taking time away from the babies who actually need looking after!!!!!

Out of the three of them who spoke to me....the youngest one ( about 16 on placement) told me it was disgusting to have to clean up a fully grown childs poo!

Im reeling and actually v embarassed as there were quite a few other parents round while this was going on.

Now I know ianbu to not be impressed with the way this was dealt with......but aibu to not have potty trained him by now?

Should he be totally out of nappies by this age? This is my first dc and moat friends dc are younger thn mine. A family member had their dd totally dry through the night by 2.5....but all kids are different.....surely its down to the individual?

Im sorry this has been so epically long...but am at a loss!
.

Good luck!

I think my point was like this: Imagine someone crashed the car during their second driving lesson. Would you say that would mean they were a terrible driver and should never be let behind the wheel for the rest of their life? No, of course not, they are learning, you'd say that it was the Driving Instructor who was incompetent, and should not have allowed this to happen, because people on their second lesson have not fit to be driving without 100% supervision.

This girl is very new to the placement, and she should have been being guided by them. She should have been gently told prior to this occasion that changing children's nappies is part of the job and if she finds this disgusting then she might be better off following another career path. She should never been allowed near a parent/keyworker discussion while so inexperienced and should certainly not have been allowed to chime in.

The nursery, like my hypothetical driving instructor, are far more to blame than the girl herself, IMO. By being permitted to be part of the discussion and never having had her views challenged she presumably thought she could say her piece.

Well done at all you are doing. Good luck with all the things today.

Balloon: but she us sixteen, old enough to know better. She should have had access to their policies from the day she started her placement there and should have read them of her own accord. The first things we went through at college were safeguarding and development,iits been the same on all four of my started but never finished level threes and the social care nvq I started and I'd assume they are the first topics that come up, so she should know about it and how important rate of development is.

Yes they should have set an example but equally, she isold enough to know right from wwrong, she could be qualified in less than 18 months and if she's acting like this now, she needs to be told now whilst still training that its unacceptable, before she has a higher level of control.

Be prepared for HV or SS involvement now from these professionals.

Good luck OP - DD is starting nursery in February and this terrifies me! She's younger (will be 15 months) but hasn't been in any kind of childcare before and I'm worried enough as it is. What you have been through is just awful. My DNephew (ASD) is in reception and still isn't fully toilet trained, DSIL is working on it now. His teachers/TAs deal with it, because it's part of him and so part of what they need to do because he is in their class.

I would also phone or go to see HV today. I phoned my HV when my ds's school nursery teacher chastised me in a similar manner to the nursery staff in the OP (he had undxed sn) and she was really great.

Balloon I think a more accurate analogy would be the learner getting drunk before a lesson. Huge warning flag that they have soms serious growing up to do beforr being allowed to drive again.

I so feel for your little boy in this. I would sit him down, say that the nursery staff have been naughty in trying to get him to use the toilet when he wasn't a big enough boy. You and daddy will make sure he never has to go there again and make sure that the nursery are told off. You can wear nappies for as long as you need to, big hugs and lets go to the park / have an ice cream / watch a special film that you've just bought for him because he's a special boy. Then he knows that the nursery were wrong and that you believe in him and want to protect him from these people.

It just sounds awful :(

My daughter is only a few months younger than your son. He's 2!!!! It's utterly crazy.

One thing I wondered is you mentioned your neighbour was working at a branch of the same children's centre. I wondered if perhaps she had been slagging you off to the staff there and that was where this all stemmed from. Just thought.

Good luck with the complaints.

Sorry, but I have no sympathy for the 16 year-old at all.

She's not a precious little diddums who can't make her own decisions. She's a nasty little madam who shouldn't be working with children.

My own DD is 12 and she adores little kids. She's always behaved like a second mother to DS2 (changing nappies, etc) and has never once called him disgusting. And toddlers/babies etc love her too. How can she understand appropriate behaviour towards little children but a 16 year-old not?

DD's nursery had some teenage girls working there. They were all obviously well-informed, well-educated and cared about the children. DD had the same key-worker through her three years - a girl who was 19 when DD started there. The bond between the two of them was lovely.

Simply put, some girls are just not child-friendly and literally have no empathy towards small children, yet see childcare as an 'easy' option. Some people are just nasty fuckers.

So yes, I firmly believe she should have the book thrown at her and not be allowed to work with kids again.

Good luck you sound like a lovely mummy in a mission.

I hope you and DS are ok, aside from actually sorting this out it must be quite distressing.

Lovely comments thankyou :)

Have been down there this morning and asked on the intercom for the lad that works there. ( hes lovely and works with ds alot) he came to the door and gave me a hug!! I asked for all ds rexords and he bought them to me. Also said he would be contesting whats been goingon as all of the staff have been talking horribly about me and ds. He saw them all sit together and write out the statements ( just as I bloody thought) and will be writing his iwn statement and sending it to me. ( ive given him my email)Was really lovely to know that this lad has seen whats going on amd knows its wrong. He cant be more than 18 himself and his putting his neck on the line for ds.

Ah have read whole thread now.

It is truly unforgivable that they have somehow turned your ds's possible as/asd as a kind of weapon against you . One on hand spouting bs ("professional opinion" wtaf) about they "think he has autism" but then blaming his "home life" for his difficulties.

They're fucking wankers, the lot of them, and I really hope you get a good outcome from this. This is professional misconduct, surely - going against their own policies, against the law (afaik there is no legal requirement for potty training before pre-school), aggression towards a client, lying, and exclusion of your ds.

You sound fantastically determined, how great that ds has got you fighting his corner

God they sound like a coven of witches OP Definitely follow through with all your complaints, even though it's a pain.

He has said he is happy to act as a witness for all of this and has wanted to find a new job for a while.

Ill make sure that everyone involved ( ofsted, council etc) knows how amazing he is being. Thats all the backup I need!!!

As a poster upthread suggested about my neighbour.....

A bit of that has come to light. She is close with the 16 year old student.

Next door neighbour has done two days last weeks at ds nursery. She has been heard bitching to staff and making allegations. I think this may have something to do with the fact that I couldnt babysit overnight for her 2 weeks ago. I would usually but dp and I had a nasty bout of flu and wernt even managing ds very well.

I usually do a hell of alot for this girl. Always feeding her and her dd. Constantly babysitting and never complaining. We dont have any money for a tree or decorations right now, but ds and I spent the day making decs for her house and then putting them up. Im genuinley really u0set that shes said these things asI go above and beyond what a frigfin neighbour should for her.

I dont know how to play this........do I talk to her? Turns out she is on the same course as the student so maybe just talk to teacher? Im goinfg to sound pathetic saying any of this though. What a mess!!

Oh, other mum is here now ( and has been converted to mn after reading all the lovely messages here!)

x-posts.

Result!!!

How things pan out for the student probably depends on how she reacts to what her tutors say. Which is up to her. If she shows no appreciation as to why her actions were wrong, once it's been pointed out to her by the course staff, then she is in the wrong line of work and it's better that comes to light now.

If she understands why her comment and so many of her opinions and her general reactions were wrong, and why, then it could certainly be a worthwhile learning experience.

Either way, the course staff needed to know both what the student has been saying and what the environment they sent her into to learn, is actually like.

OP, I really wouldn't feel too bad about the 16 year old.

She's 16, not 12. Old enough to know better, as you did, as I would have. Maybe too young to stand up and be counted so to speak, but plenty old enough to know right from wrong.

Her atittude is WORRYING. How do you think these sub-standard nurseries come into being... because people without that soft spot in their hearts for little children, people who lack that automatic kindness and understanding that tiny children need help and protection go for childcare jobs.

If, at 16, her HEART isn't in the right place, it never will be.

That kind of way of thinking ISN'T taught on the course. It's the innate thing you need to be a good childcarer. Just a kind heart for caring for the littlies.

My DD was in nursery part time from 13 months as I was working. I was so lucky - almost all of the staff at hers had that instinct. They gave her a fantastic start. She LOVED them. Two members of staff who came and went pretty quickly, I would say didn't have that instinct.

I would have absolutely no compunction about highlighting as strongly as possible to her tutors that she be advised to drop this course and rethink her career options, come back to the course at a later date.

There's also the fact that she is (at the moment) well on the way to becoming the sort of employee who thinks that bullying, aggressive, in your face behaviour is how we are at work. Now that IS down to being a not-very-nice 16 year old. So do her the biggest favour of her life and help her get a fucking big shock at a point in her life where she can come back from it - help her learn the lesson that aggression and a cocky attitude is, actually, a pretty bad work persona to have.

I'd leave the neighbour completely out of it, personally. It just muddies the waters, and isn't relevant to the situation anyway.

God that last bit makes it sound like im some awful little girl whinging about what someone else has said.....

Well I kind of am but hope you can pick through the ramblings to see what I mean.

I dont mean to sound like some martyr about helping out next door. Far from it. I just remwmber how haed it was when I started out. ( I had ds at 21) and even then I had a partner so was easier for me.

She resents us as dp owns this house. She has said this. I had to explain that dp has served for years in the forces aswell as working majorly hard in education to beable to buy this place. ( before we met)

Right no we have no money. Like struggling for food no money. ( ds dad pays for nursery) as dp had an accident last year thats resulted in him having to change jobs.

She is on benefits ( not benefit bashing....been there myself) and seems to have alot of money for new clothes and drink....but every other day comes to ke asking for food and money for fags. I refuse on the money side bit am always giving them food as I couldntstand seeing anyone go without.

Shes been here many evenings and has watched me and dp give her child the food off our plates when she knows we have no more. Of course a child comes first. Regardless of whos child it is. But its things like this that have made me really upset thats shes doing this. Im not stupid. I keep myself to myself usually and as haesh and snobby as it sounds....I dont have any friends from her kind of circle. ( nothing wrong with any of them just v v different to the way we think/ operate)

Im worried now as theres always a gang of teenagers hangingnover my wall at night.

If I get her into trouble then living next door will be horrwndous!! Shes quite scary! And ds has become acxustomed to seeing her dd.

We cannot move. We are only paying interest on the mortgage and have no way of going anywhere. ( do has just finished having all the ops for his injuries so should pick up in 6 months or so now hes lecturing again)

Next doors rent is payed by the council. Large 3 bed house for 2 of them!! She payes £6 a week and has saidits so bloody cheao she wont be going anywhere else. Stuck. :/

The only reason I think it will come to getting the next door neighbour involved is that it a bloody big coincidence that the first week she works there all the young girls ( one of which is her bff?! ) suddenlytake a dislike to me and my son and are being backed up by the manager ( who socialisws with them alot according to facebook ....no way am I getting involved in that)

OP, with the neighbour - the worst thing you can do is be scared of her.

She'll be a coward at heart, you know that, right?

She's taking the piss by the sound of it. Now that will only stop if you put a stop to it. It's easier said than done though. But if you became just a bit scarier, she'd back off. Can you be scarier than her?!

'No, I don't have any money to give you. That's a nice top! New is it?!' Hard stare. No smile.

'DP's worked bloody hard for this house thank you very much! HahahaHA it's a good thing I'm in a good mood today or there'd be no more sitting in my own house and telling me stuff like that!'

Don't automatically think that someone who acts pushy is scary and tough and has scary friends who will break your windows.

As for the student - go right in. If she mentions it, you let rip. 'Well all I can say is that anyone stupid enough to be seen chummying up to that student is probably risking their own place on that course. I certainly wouldn't want to be her best mate when OFSTED visit asking for explanations.'