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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To complain about this??

579 replies

absentmindeddooooodles · 11/12/2013 16:55

My ds is 2.9. He goes to the nursery down the road one day a week. ( cannot afford for him to go any more regularly) just to get socialised and to try and work on seperation anxiety. velcro child syndrome

Went to pick him up today and was met by three of the nursery workers "wanting to have a talk".

This got me really worried as they looked very....strict. like I was being bloody told off.

To cut a long story short....they told me that as my son is still in nappies I would have to think about taking him out of nursery until the problem is sorted!! ( problem him not being potty trained)

They talked for a good ten mins about how its an inconvenience to them having such a big boy needing constant monitoring incase hes done a poo.

I didnt want to get into an argument and never would infront of all the kids, but did put across a couple of points:
. He is in "the baby room" as they call it. Babies from birth to 3 years. There are fewer older toddlers than babies....so I imagine they should be all set up forpchanging nappies.
.theybe never said anything to me before about him being in nappies being an issue. I have even had discussions with his keyworker about the favt that I had tried potty training him but he got a v bad bout of chicken pox right in the middle of it so we have gone back to square one.
. I dont personally think he's too old to be in nappies. He's not 3 until april and as long as he isn't rocking up to his first day of school in pampers Its fine.
. He is currently undergoing a diagnnosis for adhd and possibly as. It's bloody hard enough to get through the day without making him do something hes not ready to.

Their response to all the above was that he is more than old enough to be using a toilet and by him not doing this its taking time away from the babies who actually need looking after!!!!!

Out of the three of them who spoke to me....the youngest one ( about 16 on placement) told me it was disgusting to have to clean up a fully grown childs poo!

Im reeling and actually v embarassed as there were quite a few other parents round while this was going on.

Now I know ianbu to not be impressed with the way this was dealt with......but aibu to not have potty trained him by now?

Should he be totally out of nappies by this age? This is my first dc and moat friends dc are younger thn mine. A family member had their dd totally dry through the night by 2.5....but all kids are different.....surely its down to the individual?

Im sorry this has been so epically long...but am at a loss!
.

OP posts:
bialystockandbloom · 12/12/2013 21:21

Yes, and complain. Definitely.

asmallandnoisymonkey · 12/12/2013 21:22

I'm so angry on your behalf. I've been reading your posts with my mouth hanging open - seriously. I can't believe the way you've been treated. I've nothing helpful to add other than sympathy and righteous indignation on your behalf.

I so, so hope you get this sorted. Keep updating, I'm enacting my vengeance fantasies vicariously through you and really want them all brought down a peg or two!

hercules1 · 12/12/2013 21:25

I am in a senior position in a school and have worked with a wide range of children and have skim read this thread. I am shocked. As previous poster said, wow, just wow.

supermariosmum · 12/12/2013 21:36

I have read all this thread and felt the need to add my support. I have been qualified as a nursery nurse for over 20 years and am disgusted that people like this are working with children.

All of them involved from the student up to the manager are behaving in an exceptionally uncaring and unprofessional manner and should all be struck off as they obviously do not care much about the children in their care or have the compassion to do their job properly.
Everything they have moaned about is normal for a child of your sons age so they have no clue about child development either and in my opinion should not be working with children of any age.
I really hope something is done about the staff to send out the message that this is just not acceptable and can have awful consequences.

StealthPolarBear · 12/12/2013 21:45

Balloon, I too have been struggling wit my feelings towards the work experience girl (despite my "strangle her" comment earlier Blush). She is only thirteen years older than the OP's child. That said, her attitude is vile and she should be pulled up on it, and if she gets into trouble "professionally" better now then in her first job where she's actually relying on the money. This might actually give her pause for thought. If she's got any common decency she'll be ashamed and learn a lesson about going along with the prevailing culture when you suspect it's wrong.

Angelodelighto · 12/12/2013 21:47

Sorry I was so Shock I couldn't express my Shock

I am a fully qualified EYFS professional & I teach Childcare in F.E

My DD is 16 & has ASD

On behalf of all parents & professionals may I please re-assure you this is not 'normal practice'

Shock just so very Shock
Ledkr · 12/12/2013 21:47

This is so very sad and I'm so glad you are dealing with it so well.
Just to keep you strong my dd is 2.10 and has some speech delay due to her hearing and cleft palate.
She was dry when around 2.6 but refused to pooh in a potty for months so needed a nappy out on for that.
Her nursery just got on and did it.
They are kind and patient with her speech delay and help her with her hearing.
She can count to about 10-20 but only parrot fashion and she also knows some colours.
She often drops food down her clothes and always needs her face cleaned (and the surrounding area) after a meal.
She is the youngest of give and I am a children's social worker and I have no concerns.
Oh yes and my very trendy grandson often wears leggings!!
Fuckers.
Good luck.

StealthPolarBear · 12/12/2013 21:48

the nursery really are amazingly shit though. They dig themselves in deeper with every correspondence. I love the way they mention being worried because the OP was holder her DS, therefore showing that they initiated the conversation in front of the child.
That to me is the worst thing. I've never heard a childcare professional talk about a child in front of them unless it is to praise them or to positively suggest how they can do better (eg "so close, well done....next time you'll make it to the toilet")

lisad123everybodydancenow · 12/12/2013 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ledkr · 12/12/2013 21:50

stealth the sad thing is that this young impressionable girl has been set this shitty example by people who should know better, the rot may well have set in!
What a shame.

StealthPolarBear · 12/12/2013 21:50

I had to re-read that, couldn't believe what you'd said :o

StealthPolarBear · 12/12/2013 21:51

Well yes ledkr. But if she gets pulled up on it she may learn differently, now.

StealthPolarBear · 12/12/2013 21:52

Sorry and see the nursery get shut down.
I'm sure people think I'm overreacting but I really think it's that serious. If they'd hit children they would be, they have been working on crushing his spirit and self-esteem (and no doubt he's not the only one :()
Wonder how many children were told they were disgusting or made to feel like an inconvenience today :(

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 12/12/2013 21:53

absentmindeddooooodles

I am so glad you are not taking this lying down. I am [shocked] as every single other poster is, that such immature, callous and bitchy people are in charge of vulnerable children and babies.

I am very glad you contacted your local MP too. I am also sorry that you have had to go through this ridiculous and horrid experience and so close to Christmas.

I am so thankful for the other children in there that you are kicking up such a stink about this. Flowers

Devora · 12/12/2013 21:59

Blimey, there's not many threads that make me laugh and cry and shake with anger all within ten minutes. But this one did.

Good luck, OP.

QuietNinjaTardis · 12/12/2013 22:08

I am utterly gobsmacked at this thread. I have nothing constructive to add just hope your ds is ok and not too upset. Oh and my ds didn't potty train til he was 3 1/2 and he has no sn. Just a lazy bugger. Oh and his nursery were very laid back and just said he will train when he is ready and were ready to support him/us when he was. Good luck in getting that shithole closed down op

SamHamwidge · 12/12/2013 22:11

Have just read through the entire thread and am aghast.

Not only have they behaved disgracefully towards you and your little DS, they are trying to gaslight you ( I hope I have used that properly) into doubting what originally happened, with those three statements - quite obviously written by the same person . I would go so far as to call it bullying, certainly abusive behaviour as it is singling out your DS as having all these issues, IMO just designed to make you feel belittled .

I am glad you are strong OP. They need the book thrown at them. I will for one be keeping a keen eye on this thread in the hope that happens soon.

Take care, we are all behind you with our pitchforks

MrsWedgeAntilles · 12/12/2013 22:24

Bloody hell! I can't really say more as my jaw is hanging off at the hinges.

The only good thing about their behaviour is that they have totally thrown themselves into the shit and then rolled around in it. And you have it all in writing, all the lies , the collusion, the lack of basic understanding of the fundamentals of their job, the whole thing. More power to you, I look forward to hearing how you get on.

Simsim1 · 12/12/2013 22:25

Even if a child is potty trained at a very young age, how would they manage to wipe their own bottom?

Simsim1 · 12/12/2013 22:26

Even if a child is potty trained at a very young age, how would they manage to wipe their own bottom?

MrsWedgeAntilles · 12/12/2013 22:30

Oh and DS and his gang of little mates all potty trained sometime about 6 weeks or so before their 3rd birthday. He wouldn't know the alphabet if it fell on top of him and he makes numbers up if he doesn't know the next one, ten tenty three is my favourite. He's three, he's cools as he'd say himself :) These woman are arseholes.

Ruffcat · 12/12/2013 22:47

I worked with children for 20 years, and bastards like this give my profession a bad name.

They have given you enough information to get themselves sacked.

By pass ofsted and contact social services. They will not be happy about a child being forced whilst crying onto a toliet.

Social services will take this very seriously! They will investigate it thoroughly.

Ruffcat · 12/12/2013 22:53

Also, if they feel it's ok to write in a statement that they are forcing your child onto the toliet while he's not being potty trained, is upset and possibly has extra needs wtf are they doing that they wouldn't be prepared to out in a statement

juneybean · 12/12/2013 23:24

As someone who has worked in nurseries I'm equally appalled and unsurprised at this situation :( Your poor boy, I sincerely hope ofsted comes down hard on them.

If I understand correctly, they are a separate entity working from within a children's centre. If so, I hope the council send them on their merry way too!

maddening · 12/12/2013 23:56

omg - I hope that you get support from fisted! Def get your witness statement, write your own while it is fresh in your mind!

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