To complain about this??

[absentmindeddooooodles]

My ds is 2.9. He goes to the nursery down the road one day a week. ( cannot afford for him to go any more regularly) just to get socialised and to try and work on seperation anxiety. velcro child syndrome

Went to pick him up today and was met by three of the nursery workers "wanting to have a talk".

This got me really worried as they looked very....strict. like I was being bloody told off.

To cut a long story short....they told me that as my son is still in nappies I would have to think about taking him out of nursery until the problem is sorted!! ( problem him not being potty trained)

They talked for a good ten mins about how its an inconvenience to them having such a big boy needing constant monitoring incase hes done a poo.

I didnt want to get into an argument and never would infront of all the kids, but did put across a couple of points:
. He is in "the baby room" as they call it. Babies from birth to 3 years. There are fewer older toddlers than babies....so I imagine they should be all set up forpchanging nappies.
.theybe never said anything to me before about him being in nappies being an issue. I have even had discussions with his keyworker about the favt that I had tried potty training him but he got a v bad bout of chicken pox right in the middle of it so we have gone back to square one.
. I dont personally think he's too old to be in nappies. He's not 3 until april and as long as he isn't rocking up to his first day of school in pampers Its fine.
. He is currently undergoing a diagnnosis for adhd and possibly as. It's bloody hard enough to get through the day without making him do something hes not ready to.

Their response to all the above was that he is more than old enough to be using a toilet and by him not doing this its taking time away from the babies who actually need looking after!!!!!

Out of the three of them who spoke to me....the youngest one ( about 16 on placement) told me it was disgusting to have to clean up a fully grown childs poo!

Im reeling and actually v embarassed as there were quite a few other parents round while this was going on.

Now I know ianbu to not be impressed with the way this was dealt with......but aibu to not have potty trained him by now?

Should he be totally out of nappies by this age? This is my first dc and moat friends dc are younger thn mine. A family member had their dd totally dry through the night by 2.5....but all kids are different.....surely its down to the individual?

Im sorry this has been so epically long...but am at a loss!
.

I'm fucking horrified! Please do not let this go, they are incompetent wank badgers of the highest order.

Nurseries are not allowed to discriminate based on toilet training. As for a nursery key worker suggesting in writing that she thinks he has autism, well I am flabbergasted.

I worked in a nursery. I have been peed on, pooped on and spent hours at a time changing nappy after nappy. If you work with young kids, you're going to be dealing with body fluids.

for your lovely little DS. Don't let these bastards grind him or you down.

Right. Update.

Have been intouch with girls college. She is a first year student who started a vocational health and social care/childcare course in september. She is pureley at the nursery to shaddow and gain experience of the inner workings of a childcare environment.

They were really lovely and helpful. Luckily they had an open evwning on tonight which was why I was able to speak to her tutor after working hours. He was bloody fab. Told me that it will be dealt with immediatley by himself and the head of college plus the hr manager and I will be kept updated with any progress etc.

He has all my details and was concerned that my ds was ok. So am happy with that outcome.

No luck with ofsted. Numerousnphonecalls and no answer so will try again tomorrow.

Managed to getbdetails of who I need to see at the council and will be foing there tomorrow to ask to speak to them directly.

Have emailed local mp amd awaiting response from him.

The nursery is in the childrens centre. The preschool for the primary school is the "big room" in the nursery. So it kind of is attached to the school and kind of not. (Its all on the same premisis (fabulously articulated I know :p)

Oh and yy to peinting straight out....have done that. Only copied and pasted for thw benefit of mumsnet. :)

Great news that the college were receptive and concerned. My kids school has a playgroup run on the site which is officially not part of the school. The school does own the building though and I think the Head Teacher would absolutely want to hear about anything like this so I think it's worth a call to the school attached to this sham of a nursery as well.

Good luck with the rest of the people you intend to speak to. You're not just getting redress for your son, you're hopefully going to be protecting a whole load of kids and parents from being badly treated by these people too.

In that case you must complain to the children's centre manager too. Also the children's centre have a governing group called a partnership board - make a complaint to them as well. Xx

My money's on the student knowing nothing about the "statement" she supposedly wrote, BTW...

I'm horrified at this, really shocked.
i hope that you can get someone to really throw the book at them.

REport them every whereyou can.

Hey, if you can contact the DM, or Chat or some such mag, you could do that 'seriously affronted face' that always gets printed.

My DS was ready to be TT a month or so before his 3rd birthday, (dec) but we were due to travel to Europe and visit friends etc, so I left it until the New Year.

You have these people hung drawn and quartered, don't back down until you have got them slung out or closed down.

the thought of your little lad being made to sit on the loo with out your permission or knowledge and in tears is just hideous. Can SS help in this aspect too? This has to be a CP issue, surely?

I am astounded by the idiocy of the people at your nursery. Unbelievably unprofessional.

I'd love to see what they think of people like me, who put their baby boys in tights in the winter. Bloody ignorant, is what those nursery workers are.

I hope that your complaints are successful, and that everything is dealt with properly by the relevant authorities, because you've found out about their attitudes towards you and your son... what about the other children there? Who knows how they are being treated

Have been following all day - the whole thing is so sad/ridiculous. Just for the record I'm amazed that any 2 year old knows any of their alphabet at all. I have a very articulate nearly 3 yo DD and it hasn't even crossed my mind to introduce the idea of the alphabet to her. Well done your DS.

Op - I try hard not to this but I wanted to give you some comfort about your Ds's development.

I have just checked with my mum and she thinks I could count to 20 "just before turning 3". I have a maths degree from Cambridge and apparently was always significantly ahead of others my age at maths. (Ie not a late bloomer.)

OP you are doing BRILLIANTLY.

Good for you.

If you get a good response from one or two places, dont let that you stop following up the others. For example if the college and ofsted come up trumps, dont stop persuing the MP.

Aside, and this has probably been asked, sorry if I missed it, would a childminder be a better option?

Should have added, my childminder used to take my son to social settings every day, there were particular groups that were specifically for minders and mindees with rooms set up like a nursery so he would still get the socialisation but much better one to one attention.

Good point there, PiratePanda...

The 'statement' styles were very similar, as mentioned upthread (same sort of spelling errors, same use of phrases such as 'professional opinion,' and as Freewilly mentioned, collusion- 'I second') so there is a continuity there, as if the same person has just fired off three separate emails, purporting to be different people.

Of course, that is the nursery's problem- if the girl gets into undeserved shit (well, she did seem vocal at the nursery ) then that is the fault of the employers and they will have to deal with the consequences if they did forge a statement on her behalf. So carry on as you were.

It does seem weird that they are all written so similarly. Thats what made me wonder if the OP was a troll (im not troll hunting I swear). Obviously assuming it isnt, but also assuming it was written by one person at the nursery, who was it?

Surely the manager cant have english that bad? The OP has typos, not bad spelling.
And if it was the 16 yo, how did she get hold of the OP's email?

MammaTJ Thu 12-Dec-13 17:54:30

Go in and grab his progress book before they have a chance to alter it too.

Can't remember what it is called but it will show that the emails are bullshit.

^^YES!^^^

Go tomorrow first thing!

Shocked at this.

I am, however, concerned about the 16 year old placement student. I am not defending what she said, it was awful; she obviously did not cover herself with glory during the conversation. However, she has been training for 3 months! I'd say the fault lies with the nursery staff who did not go and "Erm, no, 16 year old student, could you wait over there please," and apologise to you for her comment. She is only learning, and clearly she has a LOT to learn. And it looks as if her "statement" has been written on her behalf. She will probably be in no end of trouble because her work placement:

1. Let her be present during a sensitive conversation, which they have stated should have been 1:1 anyway.

1. Let her make a comment during the conversation when she is not actually a member of staff. She should have been warned not to speak in advance.

1. Let her make a hurtful and inappropriate comment in front of a child - she could have been stopped from speaking with a gesture and asked to move away as soon as she started with the "disgusting" talk

1. Sent a "statement" purporting to be from her which contains lies, and comments such as claiming a child has autism, which can only be diagnosed by a paediatrician or Ed Psych, and contains the phrase "my professional opinion" which is liable to make her subject to ridicule.

In fact I would make that part of my complaint. Which, if I was in your position, would be about 34 pages long!

Oh my, op! That's unbelievable. He is so much better off out of there.

If that was what was expected at my Ds nursery, he would be out on his ear. Instead, they are lovely and supportive.

Professionally & personally

Take him out of there. If it was my ds I would not take him back ever again. What appalling attitudes from the staff

And if you're feeling up to it come to the SN board for a chat and support Lots of us there with diagnosed as/adhd/asd and lots of people there going through assessment too.