About character-emblazoned clothes?

[CrazyThursday]

Disclaimer: no offence to those who like character clothes

DM asked me what DD would like for Xmas so I provided a list (to the other gp's too).

DM ignored list and texted to say she'd seen a "lovely" coat with a cartoon character on whixh she was going to get for DD. We have previously discussed how we both dislike character clothes and how I would never buy them for DD whilst she's little enough to wear what I put her in (she's 2). I texted DM back saying "hmmm really not a fan of character stuff, though I've seen a nice plain coat that would be nice instead, or failing that something from the list". The text back was "well I've bought it now".

She phoned the next day and said "if you really hate it I guess I'll put it on eBay but I though dd would love it". I said "I'm sure dd would like it but I'm afraid I can't stand the stuff which we'd both joked about in the past and until she asks to wear that kind if thing I plan to avoid it". This was last week.

Today DM and I were on the phone and she said "that coat is so cute, I'm so sure DD will love it. I think I'm going to keep it here and she can wear it on the days that I have her, she can start a CHARACTER NAME rebellion".

AIBU to be really riled by this? DM has undermined me on a few DD related things and I rarely say anything because it has, in the past, led to almighty rows and I'm slowly learning to pick my battles. In the great scheme of things it doesn't matter what DD wears, it's more my mum's attitude of "I don't care whether you like it or not". And what else would she be doing on the days that she has DD that I might not like??? Will she use that time she has with DD to get one up on mummy?

i dont like character clothes ethier.

but i think the coat is a red herring, its not to do with the coat but your dm behaviour.

i would let this go,, it can stay at your mums if you hate it that much,

YANBU to hate character clothing, but... Your DM doesn't hate character clothing. She had already got it by the time you said she shouldn't buy it. You should stop telling your DM what to buy as a present and she should stop asking you. Then when she gives something you can accept gracefully (as you should) and not actually use it if you don't want to.

If, as wonderingsoul says, this isn't really about the coat but about your DM undermining I think you need to take a step back and work out how to manage things better. I'm not sure she's right though. There is a difference between undermining you and having a relationship with her DGD in which she isn't simply parroting you. Your daughter will need strong relationships with people with different points of view to your own as she grows up if she is to get the most out of life.

I hate character clothing... but.... I can't resist the pyjamas and the occasional t-shirt.

Instant calming when getting dressed in the morning and I suggest he wears his lightning mcqueen t-shirt.

Is it becoz they iz common?

I don't like character clothing particularly and dd1 was generally clad in tasteful middle class corduroy .dd2 is autistic and hates clothing generally so she ends up covered in Minnie Mouse as a way of getting her to dress at all .tbh I'm dreading her getting to old for character clothes as she is happy to wear them

Return it to the shop. "it didn't fit" is a perfect excuse. I've returned pretty much everything that has been bought for my dd that I didn't like... I'm the one that has to look at her all day, so she might as well be dressed in something I like to see her in. Of course when she is old enough to understand and can ask for things, it will be a different story.

You somehow need to get it into your hands so you can charity shop it. I'm not sure how you can do that other than by pretending to back down. I feel exactly the same and have rehomed, unworn, gifts that I wouldn't want people thinking I'd chosen for DD. Clothes are a massive part of the way you present yourself/your family to the world, and until DD's choosing for herself, reflects on you.

Well, if your Mum doesn't normally like character clothes and thinks its a nice coat, maybe it is a nice coat.

Would you treat anyone else this way or just your mum. She's buying it for your dd not you and thinks it will bring your dd pleasure. That is generally the way gifts work. If you want a coat that you will enjoy on your dd, than ask your mother for a plain coat, age two for your Christmas present. I assume like others your DM doesn't have a bottomless pit of money to find replacing presents for her grand daughter that her daughter doesn't like?

I think your Mum offered a perfectly good solution and made a little joke about how silly you were being, and you have have turned it into a massive issue.

YANBU. You discussed presents and made it clear this wasn't wanted but she bought it anyway sp a complete lack of respect for your feelings and as for the a&e trip I think people are missing the point, if your mum genuinely thought your dd needed medical care she needed a parent there to consent to treatment so she needed to inform you but she didn't so it was a statement of look I can do this and there's nothing you can do. Personally I wouldn't be leaving my dd with her anymore until she accepted that I was the parent.

I don't like character clothing and rarely buy it, usually only PJ's. I don't mind if other people buy it though. It gets used for playing out, toddlers and emergency clothing.
My PIL always buy my DC football kits, I hate them and don't dress them in them. PIL know I hate football. They ask if I can pack them when they take DC away with them, I always do. I don't have to see them wearing them so it's no skin off my nose.

I wouldn't mind about them taking your DD to A and E either. She obviously wasn't seriously ill and admitted to hospital because you picked her up the next day.
They probably thought it was too late to bother you at the wedding, thought maybe you wouldn't be able to drive or whatever.
DS1 was really sick once when he was with my parents. They didn't ring us until we were on the way back because there was no point, we couldn't do anything to help him that Mum and Dad weren't doing. DS wasn't hysterically asking for us.
If they had phoned I would have spent all night worrying or spend £££ on a taxi home as we had been drinking so couldn't drive.
I was grateful that they were happy to deal with it themselves.

I have DParents and DInLaws who both do this. I have begged them to only get one present for Xmas and EVERYDAY I get a phone call from DM about another present she's bought. I was getting so stressed about it my bp was hitting the roof. I decided for my health to just let it go. If you really hate it that much leave it at your DM house, she can wear it when she's there. Your DM is spending her own money spoiling her DGC there's not much you can do about it I'm afraid.

(Also to add a recent family illness-very serious-kind put silly things like that into perspective. Poor woman nearly died and wouldn't have gotten to see her own kids grow up never mind grandchildren)

Just read the bit about a&e, yes that would annoy me greatly. Ds doesn't stay overnight with ILs because they have told me of ds got sick/if anything was wrong she wouldn't ring. I told her straight out until I could trust her he wouldn't be going for sleepovers. I think she really regretted saying anything then but she was trying to undermine my 'new parentness'. Say it straight out OP, maybe your DM doesn't realise how much of an issue it is.

Its only clothes...who cares?! My son will only wear t shirts/topstops with characters on them and my daughter loves peppa pig clothes. They wouldn't be my first choice but I am happy to allow my kids to choose what they wear, it makes them happy and is very unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

Agree with smiling graciously then sending to the charity shop (prevents 'character rebellion' days at the grandmother's, too).

Disagree that character clothing costs more, however, (unless is something like the garish Monnalisa designer brand disney range). I'd say it was more usually quite the opposite.

I fucking hate childrens clothes with characters, appliqué animals etc.

But you are being unreasonable. If DD likes it and it is a gift it's not really that much of a big deal.

I'm I missing something?

Is there a type of clothing I know nothing about or are you getting all excitable about a perfectly normal coat that has a patch on?

My toddler has a Thomas coat its none shiny navy blue nice a warm but has a patch on it that has a picture of Thomas the tank engine (its about 2/3 inches) is that the sort of thing you mean?

YABU about the coat. I'm with HoFuckingHoFuckingHoneydragon - would you react this way to anyone else? What if a friend had said she'd bought your DD the coat? Would you be so ungrateful or is it because of the already strained relationship with your DM that you reacted this way?

I think once you knew the item had already been bought you shouldn't have carried on saying how much you hate that kind of stuff. I don't like some of the clothes my parents buy DS but I'm always grateful for free clothes. And I'm not sure I understand why there's so much hate on here for character clothing? DS loves anything with Spiderman or Batman on so it doesn't bother me in the slightest to put him in a Batman jumper. It's never even occured to me that a top with a character on was something worth hating.

Op you have kind of missed the point, so there for yabu.

It is not completely down to the parents what their child should "like", it's also down to what your child herself would like. I'm sure no little girl or boy willingly would refuse such an item as most boys & girls love the characters from tv/cartoons etc.

I see this as a non-issue

I don't think it's about the coat at all. I think it's about the bigger picture.

She asked for present ideas, suggested something different, was told politely that it wasn't suitable, then bought it anyway. I think the reasons it was 'unsuitable' are completely immaterial. Why bother asking if you're just going to buy it anyway? Surely that PA to the extreme.

My XPils are the same. I feel really strongly about DS not having too many presents. Plenty of people would disagree with me I'm sure, but I have my reasons. I like him to have a small-ish amount of meaningful things that he will appreciate and enjoy. xDH's family are massively materialistic, they over-buy in ridiculous amounts despite knowing how I feel about it. The result is them acting like lord and lady bountiful, showering him with stuff whilst I play second fiddle. It's shit and it overshadows every Christmas and birthday.

The point is, whether someone agrees with your views or not is irrelevant, it's your child not theirs. They had their time at making these choices with their own children. I think bulldozing your opinions over everyone else's is a really unpleasant thing to do.

I personally have no issue with character clothing at all. It wouldn't occur to me to have an opinion on it either way, but if I knew someone else didn't like it why would I buy it for them? I don't buy presents for people just because I like them. I buy something I think they would like to receive.

But as I said, I don't think the coat is the issue, I think it just illustrates a much bigger problem.

IS there an online link to this coat so we can help and so I can probably buy it for my daughter

I'm not overly keen on character clothes but i'd not turn down a free coat! One less thing to buy in a never ending list of clothes/shoes/uniforms etc

"If my D step M or anyone else did that I would say thank you politely, but it would simply go to charity and my DC wouldn't wear it."

That's just being ridiculous. If your child actively liked the garment would you still tell him/her they can't wear it because of your "principles"?

What will you do OP if your DD asks for clothes like this? Tell her she can only wear clothes that meet your sensibilities?

Also, lucky you for being in a position to turn down a FREE COAT for your child.

Loving the snobbery on this thread.

All three of my dc have character clothing of some kind or another. DD has One Direction t-shirt, DS1 has Mario Kart stuff and DS2 has Mike the Knight and George Pig. It's generally all come from charity shops.

I'm interested how wearing clothes with cartoon characters on somehow makes my dc less desirable than some of the other posters on here. I don't understand how a Peppa Pig t-shirt can be classed as 'trashy'. Since when was Peppa Pig trashy? .

Btw, they sell character clothing in M&S, y'know. Still trashy if it comes from there? Or is it ok because it's from M&S.

Snobbery about a t-shirt with Bob the Builder on - what the fuck is the world coming to?