About character-emblazoned clothes?

[CrazyThursday]

Disclaimer: no offence to those who like character clothes

DM asked me what DD would like for Xmas so I provided a list (to the other gp's too).

DM ignored list and texted to say she'd seen a "lovely" coat with a cartoon character on whixh she was going to get for DD. We have previously discussed how we both dislike character clothes and how I would never buy them for DD whilst she's little enough to wear what I put her in (she's 2). I texted DM back saying "hmmm really not a fan of character stuff, though I've seen a nice plain coat that would be nice instead, or failing that something from the list". The text back was "well I've bought it now".

She phoned the next day and said "if you really hate it I guess I'll put it on eBay but I though dd would love it". I said "I'm sure dd would like it but I'm afraid I can't stand the stuff which we'd both joked about in the past and until she asks to wear that kind if thing I plan to avoid it". This was last week.

Today DM and I were on the phone and she said "that coat is so cute, I'm so sure DD will love it. I think I'm going to keep it here and she can wear it on the days that I have her, she can start a CHARACTER NAME rebellion".

AIBU to be really riled by this? DM has undermined me on a few DD related things and I rarely say anything because it has, in the past, led to almighty rows and I'm slowly learning to pick my battles. In the great scheme of things it doesn't matter what DD wears, it's more my mum's attitude of "I don't care whether you like it or not". And what else would she be doing on the days that she has DD that I might not like??? Will she use that time she has with DD to get one up on mummy?

[FortyDoorsToNowhere]

I wouldn't put a t-shirt on my DC like this.

www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/186220/Fury-over-anoexia-kids-gear

but a cartoon character, i dont see the big deal

[FortyDoorsToNowhere]

www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/186220/Fury-over-anoexia-kids-gear

[MisguidedHamwidge]

I planned to keep my DD out of character clothing & away from pink.

She is almost 3 now & has very firm ideas about what she likes. When she points at a pink Peppa Pig coat and says "Oh, that coat is so BEAUTIFUL", I can't bring myself to say no and pick something that I prefer. DD is so pleased with her pink clothes/character clothes and I'm sure that she will grow our of it at some point.

[MisguidedHamwidge]

Oh sorry, I just saw your post about A & E. That is really awful & I can understand why you don't trust your DM now. It seems like perhaps she is trying to overrule you and doesn't respect your role as DD's mother.

[littlewaltham]

As long as it is weather appropriate DD chooses her own cloths from a selection of vintage (charity shop, hand me downs) gifts, own choice or supplied by me. The design is not important the function is.

[threepiecesuite]

DD is 3. I don't love character clothing too much but dd was never more thrilled than when I bought her an Izzy (from Jake) tshirt and she wore it to nursery with pride.
It's just clothes.

[FixItUpChappie]

YOU don't like character clothing but I bet your daughter will love it as your MIL suggests and its for her after all.

YABU to get in a twist about a coat.

[UsedToBeNDP]

Yes, it's a tasteless coat and your Mum shouldn't have ridden roughshod over your wishes but DD is 2 and won't give a hoot about that stuff, she'll either like it or she won't.

Choose your battles, is it a big enough issue to stand your ground on with your mum and cause a ruck or is it worth letting sleeping dogs lie and remembering that 2yr old grow VERY quickly and chances are that coat will be too small in the blink of an eye?

[FixItUpChappie]

Although in fairness, I can see why this part would annoy you it's more that mum is insistent on it even though I've said thanks but no thanks. And then she tells me that she's going to deliberately go against me?

[FrillyMummy]

I loath anything with a character on it. Whilst my daughter is young enough to not care I will not put her in character clothing. I think they're trashy (ensue war).

[PandaNot]

I don't like character clothing but it's a present for your dd, not you. If your dd would like it then let her buy it.

[Mia4]

YABU OP, don't sweat the small stuff save it for the big stuff. Otherwise you and DM will end up 'sweating' over everything between you and your poor DP and DD will be in the middle.

On this occasion YABU, it's a coat that's all and if you relax a bit maybe DM will stop overcompensating.

In regards to A&E, I personally think they were trying to help not spoil your evening but I can see why it would upset you. However losing trust is ludicrous. Just talk to them, in fact why didn't you both say to them at the time ' we appreciate you didn't want to ruin our night, but if it ever happens again then when we want to know.' If you did say that and they refused or, on another occasion, the same thing happened and they ignored your wishes then I can understand you'd feel lacking in trust, if it was just that one small 'mistake' then they probably thought was helping you.

[Elsiequadrille]

Yanbu. I wouldn't let my DD wear anything like that either. Not nice of her to buy it anyway and against your wishes.

[Topaz25]

YANBU, I hate character clothing for kids too young to understand who the character is. More importantly though, your DM should respect your wishes not say: "she can wear it on the days that I have her, she can start a CHARACTER NAME rebellion".

[MrsMook]

It is a respect issue. She clearly knows where you stand on that style and is deliberately ignoring your taste.

I dislike charcter clothing. Much of it feels horribly plastic, and that type washes badly or awkwardly. I don't understand why I'm paying a premium to use my child as advertising space, when they should be paying me for a premium. (DS has now reached the age where he has chosen a couple for himself. That's fine in moderation, he's the one wearing it, but I wouldn't someone stubbornly buying something I dislike)

And then the toddler tantrums because the toddler wants to wear item x and it's in the wash. Argh!

[TheMaw]

I hate character clothing too, and it makes me cringe when people buy it for my son BUT I think you always have to be polite when someone gives you a gift. Smile graciously, put your daughter in it for two visits to her gran and then charity shop it. If your MIL asks, just say she had a crazy growth spurt and it's too wee now.

[sandfrog]

It can be really hard to find character-free clothes these days! Even M&S stuff has characters all over it.

[GoshAnneGorilla]

Is character clothing the new MN loo brush?

I tend not to buy it because it's usually more expensive then normal clothes, but if dd really liked something, I would buy it for her.

Back to the OP, YABU, really. Bigger picture and all that.

[Ellenora5]

Well as long as you don't dress your dd up in a costume at halloween, then you have a point, you said you left your dd when she wasn't well and you are complaining that your mother looked after her when she wasn't well

Yes yabu

[Joysmum]

It doesn't matter what the item is, your mother will soon understand that as you are the one in charge of dressing your daughter that coat won't get any wear all the time there is alternative!

My dad and step mum have bought my daughter pressures I've told them won't get used, they went ahead anyway and the present didn't get used and was wasted.

[Joysmum]

*pressures = pressies

[EirikurNoromaour]

YABU and very precious.

[Jengnr]

Accept the coat and never dress her in it.

I didn't realise 'character clothing' was even a thing to get annoyed about tbh, let alone the strength of feeling here. BUT this isn't really about the coat and I think you're absolutely right.

So if your mum wants to play these games and oneupmanship then let her. Don't engage, if she wastes her money on stuff tough shit. Just get rid.

If she carries on with stuff behind your back don't leave your child with her on her own. She'll get it soon enough.

[lastnightopenedmyeyes]

OP I can totally see why you are annoyed by this. From what you've said I think we have similar mothers and if I'm right then this is just the tip of the iceberg! Which is why it is such an issue for you.

I'd be really annoyed. The amount of stuff I've had foisted on me that I've said clearly we didn't want/need, my little house is bursting at the seams. It's really hard, and people who haven't experienced it may think it sounds ungrateful but it really isn't.

[EvilRingahBitch]

I disliked character clothing on the whole, and kept it for underwear and pjs. Everyone upthread is right of course about its unimportance in the scheme of things and the need to be polite to your DM, but if I were the OP, I'd be inwardly sobbing "why did it have to be a sodding coat?" It's by far the worst item of clothing she could have chosen to go off-message with, in terms of obviousness and frequency of wear.

But who knows, maybe it will be lovely. There was a pretty navy coat with a red Minnie Mouse print around a few years ago that all the little girls had, and it won over my Scrooge-like heart.