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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so upset with dds friend, and never allow her in the house again

167 replies

LucyLasticKnickers · 10/12/2013 10:20

or to have a word with her mother.

dd had a birthday party sleepover, she was 16.
she had four friends round.
it was fine, a few grumbles. me and dh did a big tidy in preparation.

apart from the shower curtain, that isnt very pleasant but tbh i did not expect anyone to have a shower in the morning.

anyone one friend - reminds me of a girl i went to college with - insufferable snob. but they all like her. had a shower, i dont know if that was it, but apparently on the way home she told anotehr friend she needed another shower to get over being at our house!
Sad
dd has only just plucked up the courage to tell me, nearly 6 months after the event.
these 4 friends are apparently anglying for anotehr invite.

tell me she is only 16 and I should get over it but I am so upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
LucyLasticKnickers · 10/12/2013 10:20

and i wonder if i shoudl tell her mother to teach her dd some manners Angry

Sad
OP posts:
ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 10/12/2013 10:21

'She is only 16 and you need to get over it'

But to be honest, I wouldn't want her back either! Little brat.

How does your DD feel about it/her?

livinginawinterwonderland · 10/12/2013 10:21

Yes, YABU.

She was rude, but she was 16 and it was six months ago.

IamGluezilla · 10/12/2013 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 10/12/2013 10:24

I wouldnt judge her to harshly it has probably come from her parents.
I was told my house was full of junk once, and now when i look back at my friends, their parents where every one ended up.....time is a great leveler

SilverApples · 10/12/2013 10:25

Presumably your shower curtain was mouldy? Which can make someone who is used to a sparkling bathroom feel a bit revolted. I know I have issues with some people's kitchens. But not being 16, I'm old enough to keep my opinions to myself.
16 year olds often lack tact, and experience of households run differently to their own. So YABU, and she'll get a huge shock if she ends up at uni.

thebody · 10/12/2013 10:27

cheeky litke bitch if true but the friend who told your dd was a trouble maker too so are you sure it wasn't a joke?

if your dd wants them back then have them. she's 16 so she's old enough to pick her friends. don't speak to the mother, girls are far too old for you to get involved like this.

there will always be nasty folk and nice folk of all ages. your dd just needs to ignore nasty and embrace the nice ones.

honestly I know I would be itching to interfere but they are too old. don't. it could back fire on dd.

at 16 she will be meeting all sorts and probably have a whole new set of friends in 6 months time anyway.

Yellowcake · 10/12/2013 10:27

Well, how did your daughter find out? Hearsay? Does she want her friends to come over for another visit, if she knows one or more of them was snide last time? Why is she telling you now - is it because she doesn't want them to visit, or because she does, but wants the offending shower curtain removed?

And if your bathroom was so filthy and awful, apparently, why are they angling to come again?

Original poster
LucyLasticKnickers · 10/12/2013 10:28

i dont know if it was the shower curtain.
but yes - she will get a shock when she grows up

OP posts:
SilverApples · 10/12/2013 10:29

Exactly, she's not grown up enough yet. But you are, so let it go.

Original poster
LucyLasticKnickers · 10/12/2013 10:30

um, i agree that the other friend who told shouldnt have. no doubt my dd has been upset about this for months but it is now apparently they are angling for an invite.
so it can't ahve been that bad right?

i havent told dh cos we tried so hard to tidy up and make it nice he would be hurt.

OP posts:
Geckos48 · 10/12/2013 10:31

Well really I would concentrate your efforts on cleaning your home, must be really embarrassing for your daughter.

livinginawinterwonderland · 10/12/2013 10:33

Exactly. She's 16 and a kid, really. She doesn't really have any real-life experiences. I know I grew up in a very naice neighbourhood went to private school and I was shocked when I made friends who lived in different situations to me. That wasn't necessarily me being a snob, it was because I'd never encountered it before and had a pretty sheltered upbringing.

Anyway, it's obviously not that bad if she wants to come back, so be an adult and forget it. It's not worth getting upset about.

SqueakyCleanLibertine · 10/12/2013 10:33

God don't talk to her mum!

Ask dd of she wants friends back over, is she does just let it go, your never going to like the girl but as long as she's nice to your dds it doesn't really matter does it?

CoffeeTea103 · 10/12/2013 10:34

You do acknowledge your shower curtain wasn't in a good condition, and the girl was probably wondering how you shower there.

Original poster
LucyLasticKnickers · 10/12/2013 10:35

i have told dd that her friends should have no need to shower after a sleepover, not with 4 of them for god's sake!

Geckos48. wtf, how do you know the state of my house? i already said we tidied it.

OP posts:
SqueakyCleanLibertine · 10/12/2013 10:35

That's nice geckos

MisguidedHamwidge · 10/12/2013 10:35

Hmm, I'm not a house proud sort of person but even I am worried by your description of the shower curtain as not being "very pleasant"... What does that mean?!

A bit of cluttet. in a family home, is no big deal but a rank shower curtain does sound really horrible & I wouldn't want to shower next to one.

Maybe the girl is a bit rude (although she didn't say it to your DD) but it's not snobby to expect a basic standard of cleanliness. Surely you can buy, or save up, for a new shower curtain? For you and your DD, never mind visitors!

birdybear · 10/12/2013 10:37

If you had to try really hard to clean and tidy your home, i would suggest maybe it is a bit embarrassing for your daughter. If my dd wanted to bring someone home, i wouldn't need to do anything, it is clean and tidy enough for visitors 95% of the time and i am no great housewife.

Maybe her friends have clean tidy homes and yours is a bit of a shocker?!

Original poster
LucyLasticKnickers · 10/12/2013 10:37

it is not a hotel,

it was a sleepoever/party.

OP posts:
Yellowcake · 10/12/2013 10:38

OP, you sound anxious as to whether your house is acceptable to your daughter's friends - the fact that you can't tell your husband thus, and that you went to so much trouble to clean the house, and are hypothesising that this girl's rude remark six months ago was about the shower curtain...? What's really going on here? Are you worried about your house or your daughter's friendships, or what?

Joysmum · 10/12/2013 10:38

My own shower curtain blooms and that's the reality of me not being a domestic goddess. However, I wouldn't like to be in somebody else's shower with a shower curtain just as foul as ours gets because it's somebody else's filth and that's different. Double standards from me I'm afraid.

Original poster
LucyLasticKnickers · 10/12/2013 10:38

dont think I am strong enough to face the wrath of AIBU now.
thanks
i wont talk to her mum.

OP posts:
RedLondonBus · 10/12/2013 10:39

Er don't daily showers feature in your household then?

I'd expect them to shower once whilst at your home

TantrumsStoleSantasBalloons · 10/12/2013 10:39

Why would you think they wouldn't want to shower after a sleepover?