to be so upset with dds friend, and never allow her in the house again

[LucyLasticKnickers]

or to have a word with her mother.

dd had a birthday party sleepover, she was 16.
she had four friends round.
it was fine, a few grumbles. me and dh did a big tidy in preparation.

apart from the shower curtain, that isnt very pleasant but tbh i did not expect anyone to have a shower in the morning.

anyone one friend - reminds me of a girl i went to college with - insufferable snob. but they all like her. had a shower, i dont know if that was it, but apparently on the way home she told anotehr friend she needed another shower to get over being at our house!

dd has only just plucked up the courage to tell me, nearly 6 months after the event.
these 4 friends are apparently anglying for anotehr invite.

tell me she is only 16 and I should get over it but I am so upset.

My house is dirty.

Like I could give a shit what one of my teenage dd's friends think of it.

You are a WOMAN with your own home. Which can be as dirty or as clean as you like. She is a GIRL who probably walks around saying 'ewwww!' Half a dozen times a day. Laugh at her comment. You are too old to care about a dirty shower curtain.

The whole thing is a bit weird tbh.

You had to have a big tidy up to have people round. That on its own doesn't mean anything to me, we do the same. Our house is clean and tidy all the time, but if we have people coming round we tidy the clutter that accumulates on the tiny bookcase, and we hoover the whole house. Normally that gets done on an ad hoc basis.

But then you say your DH is a hoarder, which makes me think that your ”big tidy up” involved skips and marigolds.

You have a mouldy shower curtain, but you didn't change or clean it. I used to be like that tbh. Something very simple would be impossible for me to do. I was depressed.

The comment said by the 16 year old was never meant for your ears. Everyone judges and everyone is two faced to a certain extent. And 16 year olds can be quite precocious at times too.

It is a normal thing for someone to shower in the morning. Its important especially for teenagers. She could have been on her period, be anxious about BO or she may have it drilled into her that she must shower by her parents.

Are you going to ban every one of your childrens friends who object to showering in a bathroom that has mould in it or has an objection to your hygiene standards?

The whole thing is a bit weird tbh.

You had to have a big tidy up to have people round. That on its own doesn't mean anything to me, we do the same. Our house is clean and tidy all the time, but if we have people coming round we tidy the clutter that accumulates on the tiny bookcase, and we hoover the whole house. Normally that gets done on an ad hoc basis.

But then you say your DH is a hoarder, which makes me think that your ”big tidy up” involved skips and marigolds.

You have a mouldy shower curtain, but you didn't change or clean it. I used to be like that tbh. Something very simple would be impossible for me to do. I was depressed.

The comment said by the 16 year old was never meant for your ears. Everyone judges and everyone is two faced to a certain extent. And 16 year olds can be quite precocious at times too.

It is a normal thing for someone to shower in the morning. Its important especially for teenagers. She could have been on her period, be anxious about BO or she may have it drilled into her that she must shower by her parents.

Are you going to ban every one of your childrens friends who object to showering in a bathroom that has mould in it or has an objection to your hygiene standards?

The whole thing is a bit weird tbh.

You had to have a big tidy up to have people round. That on its own doesn't mean anything to me, we do the same. Our house is clean and tidy all the time, but if we have people coming round we tidy the clutter that accumulates on the tiny bookcase, and we hoover the whole house. Normally that gets done on an ad hoc basis.

But then you say your DH is a hoarder, which makes me think that your ”big tidy up” involved skips and marigolds.

You have a mouldy shower curtain, but you didn't change or clean it. I used to be like that tbh. Something very simple would be impossible for me to do. I was depressed.

The comment said by the 16 year old was never meant for your ears. Everyone judges and everyone is two faced to a certain extent. And 16 year olds can be quite precocious at times too.

It is a normal thing for someone to shower in the morning. Its important especially for teenagers. She could have been on her period, be anxious about BO or she may have it drilled into her that she must shower by her parents.

Are you going to ban every one of your childrens friends who object to showering in a bathroom that has mould in it or has an objection to your hygiene standards?

The whole thing is a bit weird tbh.

You had to have a big tidy up to have people round. That on its own doesn't mean anything to me, we do the same. Our house is clean and tidy all the time, but if we have people coming round we tidy the clutter that accumulates on the tiny bookcase, and we hoover the whole house. Normally that gets done on an ad hoc basis.

But then you say your DH is a hoarder, which makes me think that your ”big tidy up” involved skips and marigolds.

You have a mouldy shower curtain, but you didn't change or clean it. I used to be like that tbh. Something very simple would be impossible for me to do. I was depressed.

The comment said by the 16 year old was never meant for your ears. Everyone judges and everyone is two faced to a certain extent. And 16 year olds can be quite precocious at times too.

It is a normal thing for someone to shower in the morning. Its important especially for teenagers. She could have been on her period, be anxious about BO or she may have it drilled into her that she must shower by her parents.

Are you going to ban every one of your childrens friends who object to showering in a bathroom that has mould in it or has an objection to your hygiene standards?

Oh for gods sake. I knew that would happen.

Are you supposed to clean shower curtains?! I wasn't aware of this, ours has never been cleaned because it doesn't look dirty. How do you make a shower curtain dirty?

I would think maybe it could be about smell rather than just the shower curtain, I didn't realise that our house smelt damp/musty whilst I was growing up but I can really notice now when I visit. I have to wash all our clothes again even the unworn ones because they smell musty after a week at my parents house. They seem to have no idea about the smell.

Your dd's friend shouldn't have really said anything but I have probably said anything to a mutual friendbut I wouldn't do anything about it. Maybe try to encourage your dp to bin stuff on the back of your dd's embarrassment.

I think I would invite her becuase I would not want to harm my DD's friendships but would talk to DD about how rude the behaviour was. I would also make a "jokey" comment in front of the friend (if I knew her) about being surprised to see her given her views on the house, or "jokily" offer her a pair of marigolds or something. I would not say anything to the mum not least because if I was embarassed about my house (as you appear to be) I would not want to have a conversation with someone I did not know that well that touched on the state of my house. I would do something about the shower curtain, not because of friend but for you and your family becuase you clearly know it is a problem and it is easy/cheap to fix. Your DH's hoarding issue is a longer term problem and I would be looking at help for that. CHristmas, I would either just say no or do as someone else suggested and allocate shopping and tasks, making it clear that was the only basis on which I was prepared to host. If DD wants the house to be tidied (more than normal) before friends come, she should be made to help.

All of this (apart from the hoarding issue) is easy enough to address, unless you are depressed which I suspect you may be.

Go minifingers

Maybe DD has said something now because she is embarrassed about the house, and blaming it on her friend is easier for her than saying she's upset about the hoarding/lack of cleanliness.

Wait a second... how did your DD hear about this?

I assume her 'friend' wasn't so rude as to say it in front of her. So her other 'friend', to whom it was said, told her about it. The actions of both friends here are therefore pretty dubious. If someone said something hurtful about a friend to you, you wouldn't go and repeat it to them, right?

Please bear in mind that the knowledge you have of this is third hand. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that teenage girls can be manipulative little so-and-sos. This whole incident might never even have happened. It could be the invention of the second friend, as a way of getting one over the first. Alternatively, it could have been misheard, or misunderstood. Or it might have happened just as you think, in which case... her behaviour isn't at all nice, but why are you as an adult so worried about what a child thinks??

I am sure you and your house are fine. Please don't worry!

Op,

Having second hand furniture is very much the done thing in some circles!

Having second hand furniture does not equate to it not being nice.

One man's meat is another man's poison.

When I was at school there was tons of snobbery and bitching about each others houses! My house was most certainly the most eccentric one, think hole in ceiling ( to the sky), wooden pallet's with chairs on in the living room, ( so my dad could decide whether he wanted to raise the floor or not!!!) Lurid green bedroom carpet, tufted, threadbare from the 70's...a dead fox in our garage carefully picked up from the road side by dear father....

There was lots of comments directed to our house, but you know what, people still loved coming, because it was relaxed, it was fun and it was interesting and my parents loved my friends like I did, and they were social and welcoming.

I think our home was also quite the eye opener to those from stricter homes....

Maybe if you are ashamed of your home your dd is picking up on it....seeing how other people live on sleep overs and such is a great way to learn about life and the girl who made that comment, may one day think, you know i was rude about that house and now i feel so awful because they were so welcoming....

REDLONDON no daily showers.

"worst house I've ever been in was the cleanest"

Oh my goodness, this is so true.

The worst house I have ever step foot in was the cleanist. I felt sweaty, un comfortable, un welcome, you could not have a cup of tea without mine host, watching you like a hawk over where you put your cup, once finished whipped away, un sure which loo to use, scared to put finger print on silver loo flush! I used to polish the soap dish and dry the soap after using it, then replace the little fake flower on top! HIDEOUS.

YANBU. She should remember she's a guest in your home, she doesn't sound like a real friend to your DD if she was so rude.

I would be tempted to invite her round again and get this shower curtain for the occasion:
cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/christinemader/default/horror-movie-shower-curtain-bath--large-msg-129779009457.jpg

to be honest 16 year olds do talk a lot of shite that they would be ashamed of in the future.
I wouldnt worry about it.
on the other hands other peoples grotty shower curtains are kind of gross.

Why would you not expect anyone to shower in the morning? Don't most people do this?

It's unfortunate that the comment got back to you somehow, but you really can't expect to police other people's private conversations.

bluecheeseforbreakfast

erm, smell them?

Is the welcome you get at a house that matters. Everyone, Even spoilt teenagers know that so I'd allow her back as she obviously enjoyed it. An open and warm welcome trumps a bit of dirt and I think too many people these days spend too much time on 'House Beautiful' activities.

You do sound a bit overwhelmed so I think a de-clutter and clean might make you feel better. No one cares about second hand furniture but a trip to Ikea for some plastic storage or wardrobe baskets might be an idea.

As others have said, ask diss to bring Xmas dessert and chocolates and ask dm to bring turkey or sausages or whatever.

People's perceptions of what a tidy house are are so subjective as can be seen from some of the responses on this thread. A boyfriend of mine thought my house is untidy because we have books lying around and a few things out of place even though everything is clean and hoovered. He thinks this is outrageous. When I saw photos of his parents house I soon knew why. He had grown up in a house that literally looks like a hotel. Plus it helps that his parents have new everything in their house. He thinks everyone lives in a house like this - I beg to differ.

I think the 16 year old was unkind to the OP's dd most of all and tbh I wouldn't want someone in my house who I knew was thinking mean things when I had tried to be an hospitable host. But then as others have said she wants it come back after all and it may be best to take it all with a pinch of salt.

Mould on shower curtains happens because of poor ventilation. If there's mould there it may be on windows too, so give them a clean, for the sake of getting allergies. Even the cleanest of homes can suffer this.

I think friend was a rude and ungrateful little bitch, and makes me glad I have a son.

Yes, I expect your daughter;s friends will want to have a shower, so be prepared. Buy another curtain BUT as it's your daughter's gig, she needs to get the marigolds on and clean the bathroom. It is a big deal to her, I expect, and she told you so it could be rectified. So tell her, you can't do everything, you have enough with the world and his wife coming to Christmas lunch, so if she wants to have friends over, she will have to do some cleaning.

So sorry to hear about you being put upon, and I do feel your mum is a bit out of order. But obviously they all want to come to you, so they must feel you offer a comfortable and hospital home, and want to be with you.

Good luck.

Why didn't you wash the shower curtain? You knew people would be using the bathroom even if they weren't showering.

You do sound overwhelmed and fed up OP or you wouldn't be bothered about a comment from a teenager. It has made you realise people do notice, even if they don't say anything. DD's friends want to come back, but I suspect she is rather embarrassed by the clutter and dirt and hence has passed n the comment from the friend. She is trying to tactfully say that she'd like things to be different IMHO.

Boys can be rude and ungrateful too tahluluh

My dm kept the tidiest house imaginable. We would have to get off the sofa so that she could plump the cushions five minutes after sitting down. She began to wash the dishes after Christmas dinner while we were still eating. Our next door neighbours had book mountains and newspaper mountains and lived in a state of chaos (my house is like this now). They used to have long lunches outside with wine and the house was always full with lots of happy people. My ds and I used to so wish we were on the other side.
I always say to my dcs that if a friend makes you unhappy it is a sign that they are not a friend. I hope your dd finds someone more suited to herself than this kid.

OP, your house, your rules.
If you wanted to grow mould on every single wall of your home you could, it has fuck all to do with anyone else.
Tell your mum 'Nadolig Llawen?, S'in credi' - which is pig Welsh for 'Christmas? I don't think so'.

MInifingers Hell to the yes.

What is this nonsense about teenagers being given carte blanche to act like ignorant little bastards because they are teenagers?

ffs read the op. the poster hadn't been brooding in this for 6 months she has just found out!!!

as a mum of teen girls and grown up boys I have had literally dozens of sleepovers and noone has showered in the morning. they usually go home in onsies or pjs.

the girl was a rude little madam and the friend who told ops dd is a trouble maker but hey ho.

who the fuck cleans before a sleepover!!!! insane to the poster who cleans her whole house before, it's after the teens have gone it needs scrubbing.

I hope the op who is clearly stressed and upset hasn't taken on board the bitchy comments some have said obviously just stealth boasting about their beautiful homes!! pathetic.

op please don't worry, go with dd in this, if she wants them then invite them, buy the usual crap to eat and let them get in with it.

tell your dm you ain't doing Christmas either and bloody relax.

at least you know the real job if parenting isn't cleaning the house it's bringing up polite nice non bitchy kids.

wonder if some judgy nasty posters on here have teens just like your dds friends.