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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so upset with dds friend, and never allow her in the house again

167 replies

LucyLasticKnickers · 10/12/2013 10:20

or to have a word with her mother.

dd had a birthday party sleepover, she was 16.
she had four friends round.
it was fine, a few grumbles. me and dh did a big tidy in preparation.

apart from the shower curtain, that isnt very pleasant but tbh i did not expect anyone to have a shower in the morning.

anyone one friend - reminds me of a girl i went to college with - insufferable snob. but they all like her. had a shower, i dont know if that was it, but apparently on the way home she told anotehr friend she needed another shower to get over being at our house!
Sad
dd has only just plucked up the courage to tell me, nearly 6 months after the event.
these 4 friends are apparently anglying for anotehr invite.

tell me she is only 16 and I should get over it but I am so upset.

OP posts:
blackandwhiteandredallover · 10/12/2013 20:39

Don't stress about it- I think you did a really nice thing by letting your DD have a sleepover. I know what it's like- I grew up in a council house with mismatched furniture from the local charity, peeling wallpaper and a mum who liked to pile books all over the place. She would never let me have friends over to play- she always said 'I don't want your friends going home and telling their parents what an awful house we live in'. She was probably trying to protect me, but it meant that I very rarely got invited to parties or sleepovers, as I never had my own.

stooshe · 10/12/2013 21:08

OP. Just try and keep your home clean. If you have to go "Rambo" to get your husband to sort out his hoarding problem, do so. I think that his hoarding has discouraged you from making a consistent effort. You don't have to have a" showhome". I wouldn't listen to the "nasty, but proud" brigade on here. You keep things relatively clean, they last longer. Nothing wrong with "mismatched" stuff. I'm one of those "if I like it, it matches" types. Ambience is the key. I come from a culture of "make shit shine". The reverse snobbery of "not giving a fuck" about cleanliness is probably why we have so much 'elf and safety" over here. To save people from their own dang selves.
Do a little every day (good exercise and quite mind cleansing, actually) and live by the rule that a bathroom and kitchen cannot be too clean. Nobody really wants to drink out of a glass when they visit a nasty home, or shower, whilst cringing away from a manky shower curtain. Polite people do, but it is rude to expect them to.
I'm surprised on a site where self awareness is often championed that many are jumping to the "bitchy judgeypants" conclusion for those who are not a friend of bad hygiene.... what is a person supposed to think? OP, there are bigger battles to fight in life than the right to keep a dirty home. Good luck!

TheGinLushMinion · 10/12/2013 21:53

I have an aversion to shower curtains-fucking hate them.

OP get a screen, much better.

She was rude but clearly not that bothered if she's after staying again? Think nothing else of it.

Dancergirl · 10/12/2013 22:16

Whether the house is clean or dirty is completely irrelevant here.

The girl was rude and personally if my daughter had made a comment like that I would be mortified.

Good manners mean keeping your feelings to yourself about other people's houses.

Dancergirl · 10/12/2013 22:18

OP, just be relieved its not your dd with such bad manners!

starkadder · 10/12/2013 22:23

She was rude. But best to just forget it, unless she is also unpleasant to your daughter, in which case support your daughter.

You know you can put shower curtains in the washing machine?

Tuhlulah · 10/12/2013 22:39

If mould is the problem it will not wash off. It's fungi not dirt (sorry to be pedantic about such a small point, when the discussion moved away from that).

That being said, we don't even know what the girl took exception to.

Original poster
LucyLasticKnickers · 10/12/2013 23:17

thank you for all your comments. I do feel loads better now, and I have a NEW shower curtain ! Xmas Grin yay.

I have had a word with DH, a few months ago, I was so upset, and It did look better,

so that is a start.
and the shower curtains never come clean in the washing machine.
I see them in the supermarket but from now on I will buy a new one.

Flowers
OP posts:
K8Middleton · 10/12/2013 23:19

Good for you. I hope things work out for you Flowers

ICameOnTheJitney · 10/12/2013 23:27

Lucy most people shower first thing...it's reasonable to clean your curtain as mould is very unhealthy. I see you're getting a new one. Try to keep the place clean as it's better for everyone.

Original poster
LucyLasticKnickers · 10/12/2013 23:32

when my dd was about 6 she went to a sleepover - several times to this particular girls, but she didnt like their bathroom. she told me, but she wouldn't have told anyone else. and neither would i,
unfortunately 16 year olds are different from 6 year olds in that respect, unless of course her friend would hve Told at the age of 6 as well as the Age of 16 Hmm

i have forgiven my dd's friend and ignore those of you who tell me to clean up!
cheers.

OP posts:
wordfactory · 11/12/2013 08:37

For a number of teen-related reasons, we are (too bloody) often the sleep over venure of choice.

My (extensive) experience of them is that if they're for convenience and the DC intend to do something the next day, they will shower.

However, if the sleep over is the point of the exercise, a party in onesies if you will, and there are hordes of them, they don't. In fact, they will still be in their onesies, cupping huge mugs of hot chocolate with whippy cream and marshmallows, hair and teeth unbrushed, when their parents arrive to pick them up.

Tuhlulah · 11/12/2013 08:39

Lucy, you can get a spray on mould killer with bleach to get rid of any mould spores that are settling on the grouting and window ledges. I use one. (And yes I know shower curtains don't come clean because it's not dirt but fungus!!) It doesn't mean you are dirty but it does mean your bathroom isn't properly ventilated -you need to open the windows quite a bit to let out steam/condensation, etc. I fight a constant battle with this, and it makes everyone have allergic symptoms, which is why I say you need to clean it off with a spray, because it will could start to make you/family have respiratory problems and itchy eyes, etc.

You sound knackered. Marigolds come in all sizes, big enough to fit 16 year old girls and well as boys and men. I think they all need a pair. Something to put on their Christmas list...

Glad you are having a more peaceful Christmas. Good luck with the hoarders.

cjel · 11/12/2013 14:39

Oh bless you and indeed YEEYXmas Smile for the new shower curtain!!
Hope you feel a bit more relaxed about it all now?xx

starkadder · 11/12/2013 19:38

Yay for new shower curtain Smile.

Mould comes off mine in washing machine...maybe I have a superpower washing machine (I think not) or pathetic mould....

VivaLeBeaver · 11/12/2013 19:45

I used to soak my shower curtain in a bleach solution in he bath every now and then to get it clean. Have shower with a door now which is easier.

OP, I would leave it. If that's the only comment she's made it sounds like teen thoughtlessness. I think at 16 a mouldy shower curtain would have made me feel a bit ugh.

Gruntfuttock · 11/12/2013 19:53

I regularly soak my shower curtain in a bleach solution in a large bucket for a few hours, then wash it in the washing machine. When it's finished spinning I hang it back up again as it's nearly dry. It looks like new.

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