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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to change DD's childcare because of this comment?

361 replies

katherinelilyflower · 05/12/2013 21:15

DD is 12 months old this month and has been with her childminder 5 days a week since she was 7 months. I am the first to admit I can be defensive about this, which is why I want to check on here first before doing anything hasty.

DC2 is due in March. Originally I'd been going to start maternity leave in February but I've been unwell so won't be going back now after the Christmas holidays (2 weeks.) I told DD's childminder about this, and she was chatting to me for a while about my plans, and I forget the exact nature of the conversation but the gist was that I'd be taking 12 months for maternity, this going back to work January 2015 when DC2 will be 10 months.

So, you'll be putting another baby of less than a year old with me five days a week, will you?

was the comment.

So - MN jury - AIBU?

OP posts:
samandi · 06/12/2013 10:25

As for the issue or maternity leave and paying bills thats something you should of before you plan to have children. Questions to ask yourself and your partner.

Women (and men) do generally think about that. They just don't factor in what certain weird freaks think of their choices (why on earth would they?)

veee123 · 06/12/2013 10:26

I don't think you should have children if you can't afford it no. Why would anyone even want to ?

If you're struggling why subject another innocent person to that. But that's a different subject eh ?

Cat98 · 06/12/2013 10:26

Veee - arguing is clearly pointless, can I just ask - do you wonder if your opinion is kind, fair and right to all after so many are disagreeing with you? Can you at least concede that because everyone's circs are so different it might not be the optimal thing to do for every family? And that maybe you can't judge when you don't know the full facts?

veee123 · 06/12/2013 10:27

Weird freaks lmao. Now now no need for abuse.

TinyTear · 06/12/2013 10:27

yes we did plan and save to allow me to stay home on the pittance that is SMP... but then when even that ran out had to go back to work...

Cat98 · 06/12/2013 10:27

Definition of 'not affording it' then veee?
It's very shaky when you think that things could happen in the future no one can plan for. One might think its best for both parents to be working in case of future job losses etc.

TinyTear · 06/12/2013 10:28

And also, I can afford my child - by going to work and having her happily in a nursery... ta da

veee123 · 06/12/2013 10:29

Cat no its not fair to parents who have to work and probably feel guilty but it's fair to children who get put into childcare at an early age.

But cat yes your right.
Im purely judging on my own experiences like we all are. Doesn't make me wrong.

samandi · 06/12/2013 10:29

I don't think you should have children if you can't afford it no. Why would anyone even want to ?

That's a different thing to saying that you shouldn't have children if you can afford it with two people working though.

If you only think people who can afford kids with just one parent working should have them, most of humanity would not have been born! (Which could be a good thing also, but rather extreme!)

pasanda · 06/12/2013 10:29

If being in childcare before you are one year old had such a bad impact on children, then the UK would be full of lunatic, mad, not well adjusted, crazy, emotionally inept people........ but it isn't is it.

Because hundreds of thousands of babies, children, teenagers and adults have been in childcare and generally, most of us, are probably OK..

Cat98 · 06/12/2013 10:29

And what's the trade off for someone who can't 'afford' that extra 3 months at home with their child? Is it really going to suffer to the extent that it should t have been born? Is your cm service really that bad?

QueenofallIsee · 06/12/2013 10:29

Wow I have never seen all the reasons why people slag of Mumsnet on one thread before - thanks to the childcare 'professionals' for that one. I will look out for the hoards of working parents queuing outside your house for your gracious support of their poor life choices and pop in to say thanks.

OP, you need not employ anyone that does not share your values or that you are uncomfortable with. Someone that you feel is sneering at you probably is and likely has other attitudes that you disagree with. As this person is being trusted with your precious children, it is not unreasonable to want all your boxes ticked

veee123 · 06/12/2013 10:30

Well save the money you spend on childcare and stay at home an extra few months.

samandi · 06/12/2013 10:32

Perhaps vee is trying out some reverse psychology - trying to make childminders appear so bad/unprofessional/uneducated/judgey that no man or woman in their right mind would ever want to leave their child with one!

veee123 · 06/12/2013 10:32

If you have to go back to work before your maternity leave is up id assume you can't afford it or you prefer to be at work.

samandi · 06/12/2013 10:33

vee - do you not think women's employers might have something to say about that? Do you actually live in the real world? I'm genuinely beginning to wonder

TinyTear · 06/12/2013 10:33

veee you are working on the assumption salaries pay for childcare only - pays for childcare + mortgage + bills, no salary, no childcare, but no mortgage and bills...

is that hard to understand?

HalleLouja · 06/12/2013 10:33

I have a "friend" who is a CM who slagged me off to my face for putting my DD in a nursery part time when she was 9 months old. She did it more than once.

Funnily we are no longer friends. Also I might have used her to help me out (paid obviously) but won't do that either.

veee123 · 06/12/2013 10:34

Samandi yes so working mothers can look after their own child instead of having them for other people to look after :0

Your so right.

TinyTear · 06/12/2013 10:35

there is a difference between before maternity leave is up and before PAID maternity leave is up
besides you don't know each family's circumstances...

veee123 · 06/12/2013 10:35

Tiny tear yes I do understand. You are helping me see the other side.

pasanda · 06/12/2013 10:38

veee - I think you are taking the piss now.

Surely you must be, please, because otherwise I think you are mad.

Jollyb · 06/12/2013 10:40

I'd dread to think what some of these childminders would think of me. Not only will my DD2 be going from 10 months old but DD1 still attends whilst I'm on maternity leave.

I think I'd better go and collect her now . . . She looked so psychological scarred as she skipped down the path this morning excited about her trip to soft play.

dollywobbles · 06/12/2013 10:43

The welfare state is no longer prepared to pay mothers to stay at home and do nothing much longer

Sorry, Quint, I've been trying to work out what this means, in the context of this discussion.
It reads as though SAHM are doing nothing? Or is that just SAHM who rely on benefits?
I can't think how to word my question without seeming goady, but can we pretend I have Smile because that's not my intention.

I've been both a SAHM and a WOHM (and a WAHM too) so have no agenda here, I just want to understand what that means.

veee123 · 06/12/2013 10:46

If you're on benefits pp. They can't exactly stop you if your partner is working and taking care of his family.