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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to change DD's childcare because of this comment?

361 replies

katherinelilyflower · 05/12/2013 21:15

DD is 12 months old this month and has been with her childminder 5 days a week since she was 7 months. I am the first to admit I can be defensive about this, which is why I want to check on here first before doing anything hasty.

DC2 is due in March. Originally I'd been going to start maternity leave in February but I've been unwell so won't be going back now after the Christmas holidays (2 weeks.) I told DD's childminder about this, and she was chatting to me for a while about my plans, and I forget the exact nature of the conversation but the gist was that I'd be taking 12 months for maternity, this going back to work January 2015 when DC2 will be 10 months.

So, you'll be putting another baby of less than a year old with me five days a week, will you?

was the comment.

So - MN jury - AIBU?

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 06/12/2013 09:55

"Quint I'm saying this mum should have thought ahead before getting pregnant or realistically not worked as many hours or got a job which was not evenings or weekends."

Sometimes you cant control this.

But if she was working evenings, she would have time with her child? You would mostly look after a sleeping child in the evenings?

pasanda · 06/12/2013 09:55

Veee

I cannot actually believe that someone in this day and age can be so ignorant about some families need to work - and that includes mothers and fathers!

If you read the thread, the op had fertility issues and spent £20,000 being able to have her dd and the second pregnancy was a (wonderful) surprise.

I guess that is why she had two dc very close in age and I for one congratulate her - rather than slag her off!

Seriously, grow up!

veee123 · 06/12/2013 09:55

Samandi yes but id expect if you plan a baby you would want to raise it til at least you saw their first steps or said first word.

Re: Fathers this is just how it is. Possibly because the women grow the baby , birth the baby and breastfeed.

veee123 · 06/12/2013 09:56

Quint the child went nursery during the day.

Cat98 · 06/12/2013 09:56

Exactly quint.
Vee - if you don't have all the answers, don't be so bloody judgemental. You say the woman 'cared more' about work and money. I can tell you that the majority have to work. Whether choosing to work or not is the right thing to do is a different debate, but again personal choice. I maintain that most have to.

Jollyb · 06/12/2013 09:57

You'd also want to be able to clothe it, feed it and put a roof over its head.

QuintessentialShadows · 06/12/2013 09:57

I hope that the childminders here are not representative for their profession when it comes to the disregard. dislike and judgment on their clients ...

pasanda · 06/12/2013 09:57

Oh and btw - this thread is not about the child you looked after, or the mother of that child. Nowhere has the op said she uses childcare to allow her to get a pedicure.Hmm

Loopytiles · 06/12/2013 09:59

yanbu OP.

veee123 · 06/12/2013 09:59

Pasanda yes im very happy for her. Its lovely buttt isn't that more reason to not want the child in childcare .

Sometimes you have to make sacrifices. But this is just my opinion based on working in nurseries, creches and as a nanny in the past. I am looking from the other perspective so sorry if I come across a way.

QuintessentialShadows · 06/12/2013 09:59

To be frank, I cant recall on mumsnet a thread where the horses are so high, and the posters mounted so highly on blatant ignorance and lack of empathy.

samandi · 06/12/2013 09:59

Samandi yes but id expect if you plan a baby you would want to raise it til at least you saw their first steps or said first word.

Well, you might be disappointed then. Plenty of women don't.

Re: Fathers this is just how it is. Possibly because the women grow the baby , birth the baby and breastfeed.

What a silly comment. How do you manage to drag yourself into 2013 each morning? I'm afraid it's you who will have to learn this is just how it is these days - women work. Actually they always have, apart from in the weird parallel world that you seem to inhabit.

Grennie · 06/12/2013 10:00

Babies need consistent loving adults caring for them. It doesn't matter if that is the mum, dad, GP's or a CM. But they need to be a stable group of people.

So a nursery if it has a constant changing of staff, is not a good environment for a baby to be in FT.

QuintessentialShadows · 06/12/2013 10:01

" Its lovely buttt isn't that more reason to not want the child in childcare ."

What planet are you on?

You clearly dont understand that people need to work to pay bills and put food on the table. You cant survive on love alone.

Out of interest, Vee, do you have your own kids? Or do you live at home with your mum?

veee123 · 06/12/2013 10:01

Cat who has all the answers? I can give an opinion.

My experience is relevant because you can still not agree with lifestyle choices I.e putting little babies in care but still look after their child extremely well. It doesn't affect how you are with the child.

samandi · 06/12/2013 10:02

OP, having read your further comments the childminder sounds very unprofessional and a daft old bat. I don't think I would be happy leaving a kid with her. There are some lovely childminders around - good luck if you're looking for another one.

stealthsquiggle · 06/12/2013 10:02

OP, TBH I hope you have retired from this bunfight now that you have made your decision - which sounds to me like the right one for you. There is no need to do anything more than you were going to do, i.e. give notice and have DD at home for the duration of your ML, but IIWY I would leave your options open with the CM - so tell her that you have not yet decided what childcare you will want/need after ML, so that she is not keeping places open for you, and you have not completely burned your bridges if you cannot find a better option.

My DC were in a loving, caring nursery environment in which they thrived from 4 months and 6 months respectively. I feel more guilty now about the amount of time I am away from home (they are 7 and 11) than I did about working then. Nursery were consistently supportive and never voiced any critical opinions.

pasanda · 06/12/2013 10:02

In fact, she probably has more need to work, having just spent £20,000 to have her dd!!

Veee - I really would not want you anywhere near any child of mine with the attitude you have. I hope you did not express your views on 'having to make sacrifices' to the parents of the children in your care at nurseries, creches and as a nanny.

ExcuseTypos · 06/12/2013 10:02

Sorry I haven't RTFT, as I can imagine how it's going, but if in your position Op I would change childminders. She sounds a bit of a cow tbh.

Cat98 · 06/12/2013 10:03

'Sometimes you just have to make sacrifices'.

And would it be a noble sacrifice to not be able to eat a balanced diet, have to go without heating, potentially ruin one parent's earning potential for the future, just to be at home with the child? Or would it be counter-intuitive?

That's for individual families to decide. Everyone's finances are different. I wouldn't presume anything. In fact, I'd keep my nose out.

TinyTear · 06/12/2013 10:03

veee I work full time and yes I saw my DD take her first steps and yes she talks to me a lot, and babbles and it's hard to know what this first word is as among the babbles I could say her first workd was Aruba at 10 weeks (aaaooobaaa)

I work and I am a better mother for it, as I enjoy the time I spend with my daughter a lot more... if I was made to stay at home i would resent things and would be bored out of my skull

TinyTear · 06/12/2013 10:05

Oh grennie kindly fuck off, a nursery does not necessarily have constantly changing staff... in fact i can't recall a single change in staff in the 14 months my DD has been at the nursery

whatever5 · 06/12/2013 10:05

Veee- your sound very childish. Also, the fact that you think being in your care (as a nanny) was a bad thing for the child suggest that you aren't any good at looking after children.

veee123 · 06/12/2013 10:09

Look its just my opinion no need to get arsey. I just think babies are better off at home with their mum for at least first year ok ?

We are all entitled to our own opinions which are based of our own experiences.

MrsDeVere · 06/12/2013 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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