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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I report him?

151 replies

OhHellNo · 05/12/2013 17:31

Ok this is going to be a bit jumbled because I'm a bit [shocked] still but I need some advice.

I work in a public setting. There is one regular customer who happens to be outside friends with my boss also.

He drives a cab.

Today he saw me at the bus stop after work and offered to take me home. Initially I refused because I get the bus every day and it's no big deal plus I couldn't afford the cab fair for the journey and wasn't certain he was offering a free ride. He insisted saying he was heading my end of town, it was no trouble and would be free etc so I agreed.

He's a nice chatty guy. Quite a good friend of my boss and someone I've seen very regularly for almost a year now. Not some stranger. We have all socialised a couple of times in a big group too (just so you understand I felt safe etc)

So the journey was pleasant. We chatted, joked and made small talk just fine.

When he pulls up next to my house he says this "so, christmas must be expensive for single mums huh?" I agree it can be but I'm usually pretty organised and spread it over oct,nov,december so it's not such a shock. He then says "You could make yourself an extra £100 if you like? Ya know, if we pop in the house for a quickie....?"

WTF?

I laughed (nerves, shock - bloody hoping it was a terrible joke!). He said he was serious, that we were both single and I was attractive so he didn't mind....?

I told him my dignity was worth more the £100 and got out. He shouted "no offence, don't tell xxxx"

WTF do I do? Should I report to the cab firm? should I tell my boss?

What if she backs her long term friend and I lose my job?

OP posts:
Original poster
OhHellNo · 05/12/2013 17:32

crap, just realised the time. Have to go get DC from afterschool club. will be back in half hour just in case you think I've done a runner.

OP posts:
mrspuddleduckie · 05/12/2013 17:35

You should report him to his cab firm and your boss, and possibly also your local police station on the non-emergency number. You shouldn't be worried about losing your job - what a creep. Hope you're feeling a bit less shaken now

buddyfingy · 05/12/2013 17:36

I would. I would hope that your boss would understand entirely how that is extremely inappropriate behaviour. I couldn't see how you would legally lose your job though, there is no excuse for that really. Have a Wine and call the cab company.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 05/12/2013 17:38

Report, report, report. What if he approaches some woman a lot more vulnerable next time and she feels threatened, pressured etc. men like him will keep doing this until something makes them stop.

Hope you are ok.

Sparklymommy · 05/12/2013 17:39

I definitely think you should report to his superior (if he has one!). Many cab drivers are self employed, in which case I would report to the authority that licenses him. Tat is unacceptable.

formerbabe · 05/12/2013 17:49

I got in a black cab once so not even a minicab and the driver asked me if I fancied some fun! I wish I had taken down his number and reported him....do it!

ocelot41 · 05/12/2013 17:58

Report - what an arsehole!

monicalewinski · 05/12/2013 18:04

I don't know if I would say anything at your work, it's nothing to do with them really, but he is a regular client so I just don't know on that score; I would definitely report to his boss though.

What a horrible man.

ccsays · 05/12/2013 18:05

Jesus Christ, I feel sick on your behalf. What a repulsive man. Report. Phone the non emergency police number. And if he was confident that his friend would back him, he wouldn't have said 'don't tell xxxx'.

Original poster
OhHellNo · 05/12/2013 18:08

Ok, I'm back.

Police? Really?

I will report to the cab company but wondered if officially it was on his time and I was not a customer if they wouldn't act on it?

OP posts:
BMW6 · 05/12/2013 18:09

Report to the company and tell your friend. If she backs him up she is no friend at all and you would be better off without her IMO.

Original poster
OhHellNo · 05/12/2013 18:10

I do worry he'd do it to someone else.

I'm just so shocked. He seemed like a great guy.

If he'd asked me out on a date instead I'd have said yes.

OP posts:
CosyTeaBags · 05/12/2013 18:12

Bloody hell, I would report him. Ring 101.

Just imagine if he's done this before, or does it again (or worse), they will have it on record that he propositioned someone for sex for money.

Report the slimy bastard for the sake of future women he might try this with.

I would keep your boss out of it though, it's nothing to do with him and it's between you and the cab company. Plus, you don't want your boss taking his side, it could get awkward.

CosyTeaBags · 05/12/2013 18:13

Sorry I should have said it's between you and the police

It's up to them if they then want to take it up with his employers I suppose.

CosyTeaBags · 05/12/2013 18:14

If he'd asked me out on a date instead I'd have said yes You had a lucky escape. What a creep, if he had just been nice and normal, he would have had a much nicer outcome.

Cityofgold · 05/12/2013 18:16

Tell your boss tomorrow. You are not in the wrong here, he is. If you do not say anything how will you feel next time you see him? Terrible I reckon. The fact that if he had acted with some class and asked for a date you would have said yes highlights what an idiot/sleaze-bag this bloke is. An awkward conversation with your boss to be sure, but one that will be even harder if you wait.

Not sure Police and cab company are appropriate, but would not rule them out.

pomdereplay · 05/12/2013 18:17

Well, yes, like Cosy says -- thank god he showed his hideous true colours before you had a chance to spend more time with him.

This is truly revolting. My first thought was the police. Too many horror stories of minicab drivers abusing their position. He had no right.

Original poster
OhHellNo · 05/12/2013 18:19
Sad

I don't know if i want to ring the police tbh. Is it a crime? Would they even put it on record?

I dreading work now. He comes in weekly. sometimes twice. During a busy time usually so I can't hide out back or anything. God I think I may have to quit :(

OP posts:
ccsays · 05/12/2013 18:22

Why should you have to quit because of him acting like an arsehole?

And yes, there's a very good chance he's done this to women more vulnerable and who feel less able to say no than you.

You can phone 101 for advice, you don't necessarily have to report.

He's the one in the wrong here.

CosyTeaBags · 05/12/2013 18:25

You can find the contact details of your local PCSO from their website, and perhaps send them an email, just asking for advice? They're usually lovely, and will tell you whether it's a police matter or not.

Personally - I think proposing paying someone for sex is a crime, but I'm not sure. It's certainly inappropriate behaviour, and worrying considering his profession.

I would want to know that I had put this on record - imagine how you would feel if you did nothing, then heard he had attacked a more vulnerable person in the future...

As for work - if you think that you may have to see him, and can't get out of it, then perhaps you should tell your boss, yes. How do you think your boss will react? Will he be defensive of his friend, or sympathetic?

Dawndonnaagain · 05/12/2013 18:25

Please report him. If my 17 year old got in a cab and had that happen to her, she would never leave the house again. Seriously, supposing he does it to someone who is vulnerable?

Original poster
OhHellNo · 05/12/2013 18:26

I just don't want to see him there again.

My boss has known him for maybe 15 years I think. I don't want to make her uncomfortable about it. I doubt she'd cut him off because of it. We are friends too - were before I started working there but not as close as them and only for 18 months or so.

I may ring 101 and ask fr advise without giving any names to start with.

Just realised this was meant to be in chat too.gah!

OP posts:
MisForMumNotMaid · 05/12/2013 18:27

You have done nothing wrong. He has made you feel intimidated, thats not right.

The police aren't the dark side. Mentioning this to them on the non emergency number might help you to rationalise it in your own mind and waylay some of the worry. They can advise you/ make notes etc and then if appropriate you can make a statement. They have unfortunately seen it all before and can be really supportive.

Gigondas · 05/12/2013 18:27

Agree with ccsays, why should you quit? Please report him- he is in a position of trust and others may not be as robust as you when it's abused.

CosyTeaBags · 05/12/2013 18:30

Maybe you would feel better telling your boss if you can say "Look, this happened, I reported it on 101 and the police have said xxxxx. I don't want to take it any further, but I hope you will understand that I don't feel comfortable around him, so please let me make myself scarce when he turns up"

Didn't realize your boss was a woman - she should be sympathetic...