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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I report him?

151 replies

OhHellNo · 05/12/2013 17:31

Ok this is going to be a bit jumbled because I'm a bit [shocked] still but I need some advice.

I work in a public setting. There is one regular customer who happens to be outside friends with my boss also.

He drives a cab.

Today he saw me at the bus stop after work and offered to take me home. Initially I refused because I get the bus every day and it's no big deal plus I couldn't afford the cab fair for the journey and wasn't certain he was offering a free ride. He insisted saying he was heading my end of town, it was no trouble and would be free etc so I agreed.

He's a nice chatty guy. Quite a good friend of my boss and someone I've seen very regularly for almost a year now. Not some stranger. We have all socialised a couple of times in a big group too (just so you understand I felt safe etc)

So the journey was pleasant. We chatted, joked and made small talk just fine.

When he pulls up next to my house he says this "so, christmas must be expensive for single mums huh?" I agree it can be but I'm usually pretty organised and spread it over oct,nov,december so it's not such a shock. He then says "You could make yourself an extra £100 if you like? Ya know, if we pop in the house for a quickie....?"

WTF?

I laughed (nerves, shock - bloody hoping it was a terrible joke!). He said he was serious, that we were both single and I was attractive so he didn't mind....?

I told him my dignity was worth more the £100 and got out. He shouted "no offence, don't tell xxxx"

WTF do I do? Should I report to the cab firm? should I tell my boss?

What if she backs her long term friend and I lose my job?

OP posts:
MisForMumNotMaid · 05/12/2013 21:50

I'm so glad you're in control, both for you and for every other vulnerable women getting a cab.

It was a brave move to call the police and I hope that saying whats happened out loud will help you with coming to terms with it and finding your own peace with the situation.

CosyTeaBags · 05/12/2013 23:19

Well done OP, I hope it was reassuring to talk it through with the police. Also your PCSO will be a good contact, and will help you feel like someone is on your side.

Good luck at work, I hope things aren't too difficult with your boss, whatever you decide to do.

Caitlin17 · 05/12/2013 23:37

Tuhlulah, possibly soliciting and possible contravention of his taxi licence.

Original poster
OhHellNo · 06/12/2013 07:30

Thanks Cosy and everyone else. You've been a great support.

I went to bed and mulled it over. I'll speak to the PCSO sometime today and ask their advice re telling my boss. But I also decided last night I would inform the licence authority. They can do what they want with the information but at least I know I'll have done the right thing.

Also, as a distraction technique reading a Jack Reacher novel in bed led to some pretty weird dreams about interrogations!

OP posts:
Original poster
OhHellNo · 06/12/2013 07:31

Swampy I must have missed your post lastnight sorry.

I'm so glad your DD was brave enough to report it. I hope she feels better for doing the right thing?

OP posts:
LessMissAbs · 06/12/2013 08:40

Hmmn, I don't think the police advice is correct. What they should investigate and what they do investigate in a time of limited resources to determine whether a crime has taken place can be two different things.

Anyway, well done for trying OP, and I suspect it will make you feel better about it than sitting back and doing nothing. You even sound far more determined in your latest post.

I have to say, I found the bit about him driving past the bus stop and insisting on giving you a lift really disturbing. Not jumping to conclusions, but isn't that the method adopted by men who have gone onto far worse to lure their victims?

LastOneDancing · 06/12/2013 08:45

Talulah - licences are issued with conditions attached. These will vary from place to place, but one in my old area that springs to mind was not to use the licence for any unlawful purpose (ie use the cab to traffic drugs, be the getaway car...) and soliciting would definitely fall into this and give grounds to investigate.

As for him being off duty - a taxi is a taxi at all times and the conditions apply irrespective of whether he's working or not.

Well done for reporting OP. It's not easy.

MTBMummy · 06/12/2013 09:07

OhHellNo you've done the right thing, after a company night out a friend and I shared a taxi home (she lived a few miles on from me in the same direction)

He dropped me off with no problem, but had made a few comments about us being in a vulnerable state (drunk) when he got to my friends house he refused to unlock the door unless she had sex with him, and how he could make her disappear if she put up a fuss. Thankfully she had her mobile on her and called 999 immediately. He had apparently had other complaints made about him, but no one pressed the issue as they felt they may have invited it upon themselves.

Monetbyhimself · 06/12/2013 09:15

You have done the right thing OP. Hope you are ok.

sebsmummy1 · 06/12/2013 10:17

I have to say I didn't want to act all dramatic but I concur with the posters above who pointed to the concerns re. sexual offences. It wouldn't be too far fetched to imagine one night this guy tries it on with a paralytic young girl and she is unable to say no etc etc.

Things could really get out of hand very quickly, he is obviously a seedy character.

I agree about informing the Licencing Authority. Good move.

CosyTeaBags · 06/12/2013 10:52

Well done OP. I was mulling over your thread this morning, and I thought perhaps one course of action that you could consider with your boss (if you decide not to tell her straight away that is) would be just to refuse to be in the room if / when this man next appears at work. Just make your excuses and walk out.

If your boss asks you about it, you have the option of telling her the truth, or just saying that he makes you uncomfortable because of something that happened recently.

She might surprise you and be sympathetic. If she isn't - you could just say "Well it's a matter for the police / LA now as I have reported it" and leave it at that.

Good luck

SquinkiesRule · 06/12/2013 12:56

Isn't soliciting for prostitution a crime in the UK?
What a creep I hope you said something to your boss.

sebsmummy1 · 06/12/2013 13:04

I wonder if the police advisor was less concerned because of the 'friend' aspect, ie it wasn't some bloke you didn't know offering you money for sex.

I can only conclude that if it's someone you engage small talk with occasionally the police are happy to let that go Hmm

lottieandmia · 06/12/2013 13:10

'Maybe it was just a cackhanded way of offering help? Maybe he thinks being a single parent is really financially crap?'

No decent person ever assumes women are there for the taking in exchange for money.

I'm really shocked. I would definitely report him to his work - I'll bet he has done this before.

lottieandmia · 06/12/2013 13:12

The police are crap if they think this is no big deal. Where I live the police would do something about this, I'm fairly sure.

greenfolder · 06/12/2013 13:18

surely this is soliciting? or am i totally mad?

boschy · 06/12/2013 13:23

I am probably wrong, but I thought soliciting meant 'offering' sex, while this creep was asking for it? hence why prostitutes were prosecuted and their -seedy scumbag- 'clients' were not?

OP, I know this is a horrible situation, but I think you really do need to get the police (via CPSO?) to follow it up, and you should really tell your boss, if only to allow you to not be working with this man. hope you are ok now.

boschy · 06/12/2013 13:24

shit, must learn proper strike out.

also really sorry to read of other people's experiences on here. suspect it is just the tip of the iceberg, so reporting to police or local athority or cab firm just has to be the way forward.

Original poster
OhHellNo · 06/12/2013 13:37

So I've met with the PCSO and she was lovely. Much more outraged then the guy I spoke to last night. She did say that no prosecution would come of it. That the CPS just would not follow this through and it would be down to his company and the Local Authority to sanction him for this behaviour.

She did seem very keen to visit him and point out the error of his ways so I agreed to that. To be honest, she made me get my anger back over this. She was very good. Saying stuff about how dare he treat me like this etc. All stuff you'd said but it helped to hear it from someone in real life.

I also sent an official complaint to the Licensing authority as soon as she'd gone. She really stressed that this was an important step so that it was on his file. It would also be good for future complaints. She said if he tried it again, or worse then my complaint would help any future victims should he keep his job over this. I'm still waiting to hear back from them.

She also said she would call to his house to speak to him this afteronoon but if he wasn't in she'd go straight to the cab dispatch office and get them to recall him. She said the LA would report to his work as part of their investigation. So his work will find out soon.

As for my boss? I don't know. The PCSO said she would suggest he kept his distance from my workplace.

I'm not sure if I should get in there first or not mention it in the hope that he doesn't. In the very unlikely event that he comes in to work I will just walk out the back. If I am the only person there then I will ask him to leave.

Thanks again for all of the support you have given me.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 06/12/2013 13:51

Glad the pcso was so helpful hell. Hopefully her visit will give him a huge shock and perhaps prevent him from doing something like this again. It really shows how entitled men feel doesn't it? It probably never crossed his mind how disgusted and threatened such a degrading offer would make you feel.

ccsays · 06/12/2013 13:55

Have to say, I'm rather surprised by the attitude of the police officer, glad the PCSO was a bit better. Unfortunately the CPS often won't prosecute if they don't think they can get a conviction. But if nothing else it should scare the utter shit out of him having her go and talk to him, hopefully enough to never do anything like that again. Interested to see how the licensing authority respond. And for your sake I hope he's too ashamed to show his face in your work again, he fucking well should be.

Well done again though, OP. You absolutely did the right thing here.

ceebie · 06/12/2013 13:56

Delighted to hear the PCSO is being so supportive. Hopefully the fact that he receives a visit from her will give him a fright.

I would suggest that you do tell your boss. Given that the PCSO will be visiting him and that the Local Authority are also informed, she may well hear about it eventually either directly from him or through another route. Then she might wonder why you didn't trust her. You could say "I feel very uncomfortable having to tell you this because I know that you're friends, but....

However, I don't know your boss, and you do. So you are the only one who can make the final call about how best to handle the situation.

snooter · 06/12/2013 14:00

I think I'd not mention it to the boss unless she happens to comment that she hasn't seen him dropping round so much - then I'd tell her.

CosyTeaBags · 06/12/2013 14:08

Go Team OP and PCSO!

Well done OP, you have absolutely done the right thing. And I'm glad to hear that the PCSO was so supportive.

I hope she wipes the floor with him later.

Really happy for you to have such an empowering, positive visit. You've done all you need to for now, hope you feel better.

lottieandmia · 06/12/2013 14:14

Kerb crawling is illegal so men who do this can be arrested.

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