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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I report him?

151 replies

OhHellNo · 05/12/2013 17:31

Ok this is going to be a bit jumbled because I'm a bit [shocked] still but I need some advice.

I work in a public setting. There is one regular customer who happens to be outside friends with my boss also.

He drives a cab.

Today he saw me at the bus stop after work and offered to take me home. Initially I refused because I get the bus every day and it's no big deal plus I couldn't afford the cab fair for the journey and wasn't certain he was offering a free ride. He insisted saying he was heading my end of town, it was no trouble and would be free etc so I agreed.

He's a nice chatty guy. Quite a good friend of my boss and someone I've seen very regularly for almost a year now. Not some stranger. We have all socialised a couple of times in a big group too (just so you understand I felt safe etc)

So the journey was pleasant. We chatted, joked and made small talk just fine.

When he pulls up next to my house he says this "so, christmas must be expensive for single mums huh?" I agree it can be but I'm usually pretty organised and spread it over oct,nov,december so it's not such a shock. He then says "You could make yourself an extra £100 if you like? Ya know, if we pop in the house for a quickie....?"

WTF?

I laughed (nerves, shock - bloody hoping it was a terrible joke!). He said he was serious, that we were both single and I was attractive so he didn't mind....?

I told him my dignity was worth more the £100 and got out. He shouted "no offence, don't tell xxxx"

WTF do I do? Should I report to the cab firm? should I tell my boss?

What if she backs her long term friend and I lose my job?

OP posts:

softlysoftly · 05/12/2013 18:30

I'm not sure it's a crime but I'd ring 101 for advice there's no commitment for you to follow it up.

I'd also tell your boss, not because it has anything to dowith company but rather "sorry but I don't feel I can serve x again if he comes in because he offered to pay me for sex".

Don't feel like you have to quit! You just have to chuck dirty looks at the sleazy fucker!

Original poster

OhHellNo · 05/12/2013 18:30

I know what you are saying. I just wonder if he was taking advantage of the personal relationship? I honestly never thought a bad or even slightly odd thing against him. He seemed a great guy.

Maybe it was just a cackhanded way of offering help? Maybe he thinks being a single parent is really financially crap?

I'm just thinking that I didn't go on a recent festival trip with them due to money so maybe he remembered that?

OP posts:

NewtRipley · 05/12/2013 18:31

I think I'd do what you say and phone 101.

I think (hope) they'll take it seriously as a crime.

What a turd that man is

CosyTeaBags · 05/12/2013 18:31

and yes, you can ring 101 anonymously.

There are some MNers on here who are police officers - perhaps some other posters know them and could ask them to come on here and offer advice?

Original poster

OhHellNo · 05/12/2013 18:31

Oh god. I sound so fucking stupid!

OP posts:

chirpchirp · 05/12/2013 18:32

I think the fact he comes into your work is the main reason you have to tell your boss. Ask for a quiet word explain what happened as above including the bit about him asking you to stay quiet about it. Tell her you feel awkward as you know they are friends but there is a good chance if he has the audacity to breeze into your workplace again you will feel incredible uncomfortable and want her to know why.

I would also call the company he works for and advise them. Makes my skin crawl to think he could be trying this with every lone female he drives home.

NewtRipley · 05/12/2013 18:33

Look, he's a turd. Suggesting you prostitute yourself is not a cack-handed way of helping you out. It's an attempt to exploit you, when you were in a vulnerable position. Do not feel in any way sorry for this turd.

Original poster

OhHellNo · 05/12/2013 18:33

I'm sat here trying to justify it. Trying to pin point any conversation that might have welcomed this or if I've acted in a way to suggest I was a sex worker!

What is wrong with me!!

OP posts:

CosyTeaBags · 05/12/2013 18:34

If he fancied you and wanted to take advantage of a personal relationship, he would have come on to you, or asked you out.

He offered to pay you for sex.

He wasn't doing this because he thought it would help you out. He was doing it because he thought he could get sex from you with no strings attached.

NewtRipley · 05/12/2013 18:34

He could give you money of he cared.

Original poster

OhHellNo · 05/12/2013 18:35

I'm going to ring 101 later when the children are in bed.

OP posts:

CosyTeaBags · 05/12/2013 18:35

Don't beat yourself up about it.

Call 101 - that will make you feel empowered.

Show the slimy bastard he can't get away with this.

NewtRipley · 05/12/2013 18:35

He has a poor poor view of women. You never gave any suggestion you were a sex worker so don't go there. It's his perspective that is all wrong

ccsays · 05/12/2013 18:36

"Maybe it was just a cackhanded way of offering help? Maybe he thinks being a single parent is really financially crap?"

How altruistic of him

I don't think this was a way of offering help. Lots of seemingly 'great guys' commit sexual offences. If he was genuinely concerned about you, do you really think this is he would have expressed it? I think you're trying to rationalise his behaviour because it doesn't fit in the image of 'good guy' that he'd shown to you previously.

CosyTeaBags · 05/12/2013 18:36

Go easy on yourself. I think I would be pretty freaked out if this happened to me, especially with the prospect of seeing him again soon.

hope the police give you some support and good advice.

NewtRipley · 05/12/2013 18:36

Good luck.

AllOverIt · 05/12/2013 18:39

Good luck. Thank god he showed his true colours at the early stage!

ChasedByBees · 05/12/2013 18:41

He was not doing this to help you, but you know that. He's a disgusting man. He finds you attractive - he could have asked you out or acted in any way like a normal decent human being, but he chose to treat you like an object and make you really uncomfortable.

He's a pig. If you do have to see him in the future, I would hiss at him that he was disgusting and not to dare even look at you.

Please do report him. He could really scare someone and as a taxi driver, he will have many people who have to trust him and are alone with him.

ccsays · 05/12/2013 18:41

"What is wrong with me!!"

Nothing. I think it's a lot easier for women to believe that when someone they believed to be decent does something like this, that they must have somehow given him the impression that it was ok or wanted.

I'm sorry that this happened to you. Maybe take a few hours to try and clear your head? Sorry if this sounds patronising and stating the obvious, but please remember you have done nothing wrong here.

NewtRipley · 05/12/2013 18:42

Yes, I agree. There's nothing wrong with you. We (nice people) don't want to think the worst of other people so we ry and rationalise it. You were also really surprised.

Ev1lEdna · 05/12/2013 18:43

If you are uncomfortable associating with him at work (and understandably so after his inappropriate and disrespectful proposition) then I think you should inform your boss that you would rather not have to deal with him.

It really is unforgivably slimy behaviour, personally I'd be tempted to tell the lot his work, your work the police, but I do think you should let your boss and his work know at the least.

It must have been horrible for you. Hope you are ok?

knocknock · 05/12/2013 18:43

Things like that unfortunately happen
all the time and everywhere

Long time ago it happened to my friend
she was working for care company

Elderly guy took out his pinus put 10 £ on table while my friend was making his tee

She left him and run away!
She contacted her boss later on
and her boss told her that she is
the trouble one and she must have some underlying
man's troubles

My friend lost that job anyway but it was not nice situation

I remember when she told me her story
a few days later
her ex bf broke her heart even more after that
"accident" -when she told him what happened to her
he started shouting at her that she provoked the elderly guy wearing inappropriate clothes to work

Where my friend was absolutely not!

sebsmummy1 · 05/12/2013 18:45

God that is really shocking!! It's one thing to proposition someone for sex, quite another to offer them cash for sex. Makes me wonder if he uses prostitutes regularly and has forgotten that outside of the sex trade that's an insulting and sordid way to approach women.

See I'm not sure what I would do. I hate thinking I could loses someone their job, but he was in his cab at the time, so effective representing his company.

I would probably ring 101 first and see what they say. Then approach your boss second and see what she says. I think I would lose him his job last, just because I would hate for him to potentially start a vedetta with me. He sounds like he could be a loose cannon.

bellasuewow · 05/12/2013 18:46

Ok he was really inappropriate but he has not committed the crime of the century honestly i am not sure the police will be interested and also he may be very inadequate around women and may not be a raving pervert that will do this to vulnerable people. Some women may have said yes to him. Honestly I would probably leave it.

NewtRipley · 05/12/2013 18:47

sebsmummy

I agree that he probably uses prostitutes a lot. The fact that someone who drives a cab has such a dim view of women is worrying.

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