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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I report him?

151 replies

OhHellNo · 05/12/2013 17:31

Ok this is going to be a bit jumbled because I'm a bit [shocked] still but I need some advice.

I work in a public setting. There is one regular customer who happens to be outside friends with my boss also.

He drives a cab.

Today he saw me at the bus stop after work and offered to take me home. Initially I refused because I get the bus every day and it's no big deal plus I couldn't afford the cab fair for the journey and wasn't certain he was offering a free ride. He insisted saying he was heading my end of town, it was no trouble and would be free etc so I agreed.

He's a nice chatty guy. Quite a good friend of my boss and someone I've seen very regularly for almost a year now. Not some stranger. We have all socialised a couple of times in a big group too (just so you understand I felt safe etc)

So the journey was pleasant. We chatted, joked and made small talk just fine.

When he pulls up next to my house he says this "so, christmas must be expensive for single mums huh?" I agree it can be but I'm usually pretty organised and spread it over oct,nov,december so it's not such a shock. He then says "You could make yourself an extra £100 if you like? Ya know, if we pop in the house for a quickie....?"

WTF?

I laughed (nerves, shock - bloody hoping it was a terrible joke!). He said he was serious, that we were both single and I was attractive so he didn't mind....?

I told him my dignity was worth more the £100 and got out. He shouted "no offence, don't tell xxxx"

WTF do I do? Should I report to the cab firm? should I tell my boss?

What if she backs her long term friend and I lose my job?

OP posts:
Original poster
OhHellNo · 05/12/2013 19:08

LessMissAbs - please come round and slap some sense into me.

You are right. Honestly, I am angry but only fleetingly and then I'm shocked and then I'm just wanting to forget it.

OP posts:
CosyTeaBags · 05/12/2013 19:09

I'm sure you can stay anonymous - or give your name but ask the police to keep your identity private.

Yes, if they or you decide to take it further then he may well know it was you - but you don't have to decide that yet, the police will advise you.

You are perfectly within your rights to just talk to a police officer, get it on record, then do nothing else with it, if you want.

gamerchick · 05/12/2013 19:09

I do think you have a duty to report him
As a taxi driver he's In a position of trust..... and he can't be trusted. :(

It must have been horrible.. I'm so sorry.

Original poster
OhHellNo · 05/12/2013 19:09

oh god Lilicat. I hadn't considered that. What if he tells everyone I offered it to him?

OP posts:
LastOneDancing · 05/12/2013 19:10

OP I haven't read all of the replies but if you can pluck up courage, please tell the taxi licensing authority.

If he says that to an acquaintance, who is sober in the middle of the day, imagine what he must say to young girls who are pissed in his cab who are short on the fare?

I worked as a licensing officer for many years & would have loved to take the licence off one scumbag who I strongly suspected was doing this to young women, but they wouldn't come forward and make a statement, or go to the police so I had no grounds Sad

Thankfully the vast majority of taxi drivers I dealt with were lovely, law abiding family men.

CosyTeaBags · 05/12/2013 19:10

Grin at Pinus too...

CosyTeaBags · 05/12/2013 19:11

God yes, if you need to steel yourself, just imagine all the drunk young girls he might be taking in his cab over Christmas time.

Do it for them.

ccsays · 05/12/2013 19:12

Take it one step at a time OP. Phone 101 for advice then go from there.

LessMissAbs · 05/12/2013 19:13

OP, stop being so timid and stand up for yourself. That is why organisations like the police exist. So people don't have to put up with that sort of stuff. I am deliberately speaking harshly to you.

Please report to both the police and the taxi licensing authority. I have certainly dealt with cases before the latter where complaints were made against taxi drivers for far less - eg asking sole female passengers if they could come into their homes.

LessMissAbs · 05/12/2013 19:14

And yes, just phone 101 first and take it from there. Do it quickly, as the longer you wait, the less fresh the evidence is in your mind.

Littleen · 05/12/2013 19:17

Report it to the police and cab firm - but I don't see why you'd need to tell your boss :) Some men are so gross aren't they!

PeriodFeatures · 05/12/2013 19:17

Yes, do what Lillicat said.

Also, give the police his car registration details and he will, sooner or later get picked up for soliciting.

He has clearly offered money for sex before and has more than likely paid for sex and has no idea how to relate normally to women that he is interested in sexually.

Don't sweat it. Just tell your boss.

Please don't feel ashamed. You have done nothing wrong. This guy is a misogynistic creep.

frumpypigskin · 05/12/2013 19:19

What a horrible situation to be in. Remember you have done nothing wrong whatsoever. In your position I would phone your local PCSO and have a chat to them. I have phoned mine before (over something different) and I found them to be really helpful and approachable.

You should definitely not quit! He knows he has done something out of line otherwise he would not have tried to cover his arse with a 'don't tell *'.

I do think you should tell your friend and I know it's not an easy thing to do but I think you should report it to his company. he sounds really dodgy.

Original poster
OhHellNo · 05/12/2013 19:25

Going to get these monsters to bed and then call at 8. I'll just ask for advice first.

I know I need to do this.

I have a friend who drinks a lot and does some really reckless things. I'm quite certain that if he'd asked her (when she was drunk) she'd have said yes. The thought of that makes me want to report it.

OP posts:
ccsays · 05/12/2013 19:27

Good luck OP, you're doing the right thing and you'll find lots of support here if you need it Flowers

Lilicat1013 · 05/12/2013 19:30

Sorry, I don't mean to upset you. It was the first thing I thought of when he asked you not to mention it. I don't think he would bother telling lots of people his fictional story as he likely wouldn't want to draw attention to himself like that as he is in the wrong. It will just be your boss he would want to convince so would likely only speak to her.

You can speak to her first though and let her know what actually happened. She will believe you, you mentioned she has known him a long time. I doubt this is the first time he has been accused of inappropriate behaviour. He might have gotten away with it before blaming the woman or claiming it was a misunderstanding. There is only so many times he will get away with that before people catch on that he is the problem.

Original poster
OhHellNo · 05/12/2013 19:33

It's ok Lilicat. I thought he would deny it to her if she approached him. I just hadn't considered he may try and get in there first to cover his back.

Hopefully you're right and he'll not tell everyone.

OP posts:
quietbatperson · 05/12/2013 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Caitlin17 · 05/12/2013 19:39

www.ryedale.gov.uk/pdf/Taxi%20Code%20of%20conduct%202011_12.pdf

Code of conduct selected at random.I'm sure other authorities will have similar. See the NEVER DO section. I don't think if he can do that to you he'd think twice about making the suggestion to a drunk teenager who didn't have the full fare.

shimmeringinthesun · 05/12/2013 19:41

op I'm so glad you're ok, but will repeat what many others are saying on here, and ask you to please report this.

When I was 19 I was out one Christmas night, had a few drinks - not much - and came home by taxi. It was a regular driver, who I'd always booked as he seemed safe was as old as my dad .
For some reason though that night, he asked me to sit in the front with him as the back seat had stuff on it, so thinking no more of it I did.
Pulling up outside my parents house where the lights were all off, I was getting my money to pay him when he grabbed me and started kissing and groping me. Luckily for me I was pretty fit and managed to get free of him and out of the car, and just shot into the house.

Like you, all kinds of self - blaming thoughts went through my head....I'd been drinking, I was wearing a shortish skirt, I must have done/said something to lead him on!!!
This was the 70's and I was too terrified to do/say anything to anyone, because I knew the first thing that anyone would say to me would be 'what did you do to provoke him?' So I never reported him, but Oh how I wish I had! How I wish I'd had the back up of the fabulous people here on mumsnet, and to have lived in more enlightened times, as we do now.

Luckily, attitudes have changed. You will be believed. You have a right to be safe. So take that support and use it.

rpitchfo · 05/12/2013 19:57

This might not be the first time he has done this! The police might need all the evidence they can get.

swampytiggaa · 05/12/2013 20:59

My eldest child is at uni. She has had a number of mental health issues mostly sorted now.

Saw her at half term. She was very upset as she had been to a party lost her phone had a bit too much to drink. Taxi driver who took her back to halls was trying to come on to her.

She reported it to the company and after a bit of encouragement reported it to the police mainly to protect other vulnerable young women.

Good luck with whatever you chose to do x

Original poster
OhHellNo · 05/12/2013 21:13

Thanks everyone.

I spoke to 101. They advised that there wouldn't be charges or anything legal against him. It is my decision to report to the Local Licensing authority. The officer said that he would recommend it but because I was a friend and the cab was not being used in a professional manner they might not act on it. He said it would be useful for them in case it is a particular concern regarding him though. He did seem keen on me doing this.

He has taken my name and number to pass to my community support officer. I didn't give them his name at this stage but he said that the officer would probably be more then happy to "have a word about treating women with respect" if I wanted them too.

I don't know if I will mention it to my boss. If the community officer does go to see him I will ask them to tell him to stay away or visit on my day off. Maybe they will explain that if he doesn't I'll be forced to explain to my boss why I will not serve him.

OP posts:
Tuhlulah · 05/12/2013 21:17

But what crime has he committed?

Tuhlulah · 05/12/2013 21:21

Sorry, OhHellNo, I didn't see your last post. I just couldn't see what crime he had committed. He may have caused offence (and you are right to be offended) but it's not a crime, I don't think?

I also wouldn't have reported it to my boss, on the basis that I suspect the boss will side with friend, and it will make work uncomfortable/unpleasant. Just a personal opinion.