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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if one child is a different race to his entire class...

165 replies

freshsweetberry · 02/12/2013 08:19

has never been invited to a party, a playdate and is racially abused and bullied, that actually, there probably is some racism going on?

I've spoken to the school numerous times, and they've refused to let me change his school. So he's grown up with no friends, bullied and now he has low self esteem.

I've got to confront them again, but I feel that it's a totally pointless exercise. Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
freshsweetberry · 02/12/2013 15:56

Who is fiona sorry?

OP posts:
FraidyCat · 02/12/2013 16:08

I think I know the OP's area. I have searched primary schools around a particular postcode and found 80% "other religion" is typical, and over 90% not unusual, the top two being 95% and 98%. (And to answer another thing that was puzzling people, no these are not faith schools. It's simpy a fact that the vast majority of state school attendees in the whole area are "other religion.")

The problem with moving to other schools is that all in the area are likely to have a very similar intake, maybe slightly less monocultural if her DS is in one of the most extreme ones now.

FraidyCat · 02/12/2013 16:15

And the form for "in-year admissions" for that local authority has a Part B.

Part B (This should be filled in and signed by head teacher of your child’s previous school.)

candycoatedwaterdrops · 02/12/2013 16:26

"I find it very naive that you do not believe anyone else apart from white english people could possibly ever be racist. There is a cultural and language divide, many of the parents do not speak english or socialise with anyone outside of their nationality, and there are many reasons why a group of people from a certain country might not speak to someone of a different race. I am shocked at your lack of cultural knowledge to be honest. I shouldn't have had to say any of the above."

I'm shocked that you have made such vile assumptions. I never commented on the skin colour nor nationalities of the children, just surprised that 29 children from one school class could all be racist. Perhaps you need to learn to read, dear?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 02/12/2013 16:27

I'm not shocked that the 29 children are all of one nationality, just that they are all racist. They are 10 year olds!

titchy · 02/12/2013 16:34

Fiona posted at 12.57 OP I was just answering her.

Fraidy there may well be such a section on the form, but it does NOT need to be filled in before the LEA acts upon it. To wait would be unlawful.

FraidyCat · 02/12/2013 16:38

candycoatedwaterdrops

There are 29 children in one class who never have birthday parties due to them all being the same religion?

Perfecly possible that they are from the same particular group, see my earliest post in this thread.

There are 29 children in one class who are all racist?

She didn't say that. This appears to be a case of one different boy being excluded. I imagine that if even only a handful of boys are active bullies, others will avoid being associated with the victim. At least that's how bullying worked when I was at school.

The school are obstructing him from moving to a different school?

See my second post in this thread. If other posters are right, that the head can't block, then local authority (by the way they construct their admissions form) and head have effectively bamboozled OP into think she can't move. I would probably have been fooled as well.

Pretty incredible to find 29 racist 10 y/olds who all come from the same religion/culture in 2013 in the UK, huh?!

Not incredible at all, once adjusted to remove what the OP didn't actually say. See my previous answers/posts. You owe her an apology.

Hulababy · 02/12/2013 16:41

School can not refuse to let him change schools. The HT does not have that authority.You can take him out whenever you want - either to go to a new school or to home ed.

If he is to stay where he is - school MUST do something about this. You child is being bullied. The HT must take action.

Zipadeedoodah · 02/12/2013 17:00

In the time it has taken you to post all your detailed responses you could have gone on Ofsted's website, called the schools closest to you that had decent reports, emailed to visit, found a solution.
How can someone spend so much time on the Internet and not know that it is not the Headteacher's decision about what school your child attends? Why the f does your child even look at FB at 10 and play games where children/ adults can send him messages.
You have two options; blame everyone around you or start taking some positive steps to help your DC. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I presume you posted on MN to get the truth.
My DD is mixed race and doesn't get invited to any parties. We have taken steps to help her and certainly would leave her exposed to online comments.

TheGreatWizardQuiQuaeQuod · 02/12/2013 17:00

I thought you must be overseas when you said the head would not allow you to change schools.

But now you have confirmed that you are in the uk I can tell you with 100% certainty that you DO NOT NEED PERMISSION to remove your child from that school.

You can send him to any school that has a place. You can legally withdraw him from school and home educate him and you do not need permission for this either.

Are you saying that if you planned to move halfway across the country, you would need the permission of the head to do so?

No.

And whatever the 'policy' of the LEA, the LAW takes precedence. You can remove your son and you should do so, imo.

Zipadeedoodah · 02/12/2013 17:01

*would not not would

TheGreatWizardQuiQuaeQuod · 02/12/2013 17:04

Oh. Are you that poster in Scotland who's posted about school issues before? A very unhappy child, miserable to the point of being depressed actually, in a school and a LA that is really useless?

Apols if I have you confused with someone else.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 02/12/2013 17:12

FraidyCat

Who the hell do you think you are?! I may well have apologised FYI, I did only skim the thread. That was, until she accused me of having no cultural knowledge and that I thought that BME children could not be racist.

Valdeeves · 02/12/2013 17:18

Sweetberry - are you saying that ALL of the rest of the class are one nationality, one religion.
If this is the case I would be asking to appear in front of the governors. This is TERRIBLE class allocation in my opinion.
Maybe a child would be ok with this but it's not really setting them up to have much common ground or make friends?

Misspixietrix · 02/12/2013 17:22

LEA definately! Also OP I would strongly suggest to the Head that if she doesn't agree to let him change you will be informing the police. I'm not being dramatic by the way. DCs school has just had a visit from the police and a strongly worded message in the newsletter from them after a number of incidents between either DCs or their idiotic parents. Good luck OP and hope you manage to sort something.

FreakinScaryCaaw · 02/12/2013 17:34

But why do you have 10 year olds on your FB?

Ruffcat · 02/12/2013 17:58

Op print out the Facebook bullying, take it to the school demand they do something, but tbh it's been going on so long it's not really going to change.

Move your child to a different school. Start making a fuss! Start sticking up for your child and stop being fobbed off by a head teacher who properly doesn't know how to deal with this situation.

Your child is isolated intentionally/unintentionally bit the result is the same. His self esteem must be taking a hit.

uselessinformation · 02/12/2013 17:59

Get rid of the ten year olds on your Facebook account and stop the online gaming. Take your child out of school tomorrow. I did this before I had filled in any forms or even found a school to take my child. We had to wait five Weeks before getting a place at the new school but it has all worked out and has been the best thing we could ever have done.

Alisvolatpropiis · 02/12/2013 18:03

I find this all very odd.

Just move your son to do a different school.

Bar Jehovah's Witnesses what religion doesn't celebrate birthdays that is well known enough to take up the majority of a school?

friday16 · 02/12/2013 18:07

what religion doesn't celebrate birthdays that is well known enough to take up the majority of a school?

Islam, in some of its forms.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 02/12/2013 18:08

Jehovah's witnesses dont celebrate birthdays either.

Original poster
freshsweetberry · 02/12/2013 18:13

Thank you fraidy I have never said that all of the classmates are racist. There are a handful of bullies, some don't care either way, half are girls and some just don't want to get involved or are slightly friendly.

I think many assumptions are being made about where I live. As I said my other children go to a mixed school where everyone gets on with everyone. I think it's just the particular culture of this one school. Anyway I've been allowed to transfer him and I've asked him to make a decision about whether he wants to go or not.

As I've said before the online game is of the Bin weevils type not a hardcore game Grin

Anyway thanks for the answers. I would like to answer some of the reason why people might not want to associate with people of a different religion, its for reasons of purity. Because I do not want to disrespect myself or endure endless questions about this, and its something that has been said by my kids please let's not labour the point!

OP posts:
Original poster
freshsweetberry · 02/12/2013 18:34

The reason I have not mentioned which religion is because its irrelevant and I have alot of respect for many wise lovely warm friendly and cultured people from this religion. My problem is that my son is having problems at school, I'm sure if he was just called fat it wouldn't be much different IFYWIM, the effect on him is the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
freshsweetberry · 02/12/2013 18:46

candy coated that part you quoted was directed solely at frouby and nobody else. I apologise if you thought it was directed towards you .

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 02/12/2013 18:53

friday

Interesting, learn something new everyday Smile

I've known lots of Muslims to celebrate their birthdays. But perhaps that was an "at school" thing (was at school with them) and they didn't at home.

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