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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if one child is a different race to his entire class...

165 replies

freshsweetberry · 02/12/2013 08:19

has never been invited to a party, a playdate and is racially abused and bullied, that actually, there probably is some racism going on?

I've spoken to the school numerous times, and they've refused to let me change his school. So he's grown up with no friends, bullied and now he has low self esteem.

I've got to confront them again, but I feel that it's a totally pointless exercise. Confused

OP posts:
FlirtingFail · 02/12/2013 09:16

"The only thing worse than discrimination of any type is someone unfairly accusing others of discrimination."

Um...I really don't think this is true. Are you really saying that it is worse to get the wrong end of the stick and suggest somebody might be racist, than actually to BE racist? That's ridiculous.

MILLYMOLLYMANDYMAX · 02/12/2013 09:16

Hypothetically. What would happen if you moved? Would you still have to commute to the school if you went to live 50miles away because HT said no. What if you said you were going to home educate. Then when he was out of school just applied to a different school to put him in.

When did you realise that every other pupil in his class was the same nationality.

Original poster
freshsweetberry · 02/12/2013 09:27

Thanks for all your posts. I wouldn't mind moving him if there was space available. Well I've called the school, someone is calling me back.

He's been at the school four years, in this time he's never had an invitation anywhere, although one friend does come round sometimes, eats our food generally gets him in trouble by annoying the neighbours and then defriends him the week after and gossips about him.

He is a little rhyme that boy has made up (in another language). The rough translation is Freshsweetberrys' son, blank head, womans ass cow loser.

Or some such sweet stuff. The kids have been pulled up for making openly racist comments a few times, they just switch to picking on him for other reasons.

I saw his facebook yesterday, it was full of nobody likes you you are an idiot and stuff like that. I've threatened to print it out if it continues.

I'm going to look in education board and see if they can help. It may be that they are not racist but either way the situation is not good and needs to change.

OP posts:
rabbitlady · 02/12/2013 09:32

your son is being bullied. whether there's a racial element or not you need to give him a fresh start in a new school.

negrilbaby · 02/12/2013 09:33

Why does he have a facebook account at 10?

Original poster
freshsweetberry · 02/12/2013 09:34

frouby my son isn't an angel, but he's not the worst in his class. When anyone his age bothers to be nice to him he's actually the kindest sweetest most thoughtful child. He's also very clever. The problem is that he's been rejected every day for years over and over, and now he's built a shell to protect him from constantly being rejected.

He might appear to be unconcerned and give as good as he gets, but it hurts him to be bullied all the time. I think it's a vicious cycle of exclusion and rejection, and I wish we could just break it.

OP posts:
CaroBeaner · 02/12/2013 09:35

Print out the FB page to show the school - and then close down his account. FB pages for 10 yo are always a nightmare, and they are all horrible to each other. And they shouldn't have them til 13 anyway. And even then it causes nothing but trouble.

Boaty · 02/12/2013 09:36

I would get him off FB, under 13s aren't supposed to have accounts. Speak to the school. Does he do out of school activities where friendships can be fostered? Often kids will be more accepting when they meet each other in other settings too...shared interests..

Misfitless · 02/12/2013 09:39

What country are you in? What city? How old is your DS?

WooWooOwl · 02/12/2013 09:39

Who have you threatened by saying you will print out the FB page?

You can't expect the school to get involved with bullying that goes on over FB when you have made a parental choice to disregard the rule about being 13 to have an account.

Misfitless · 02/12/2013 09:40

Sorry, I've missed a post somewhere, or cross-posted. Is yournDS 10 yrs old. OP?

Original poster
freshsweetberry · 02/12/2013 09:46

My ds is ten! It's my facebook which he uses as all his friends are on it, and he has alot of family overseas. He does have friendships outside school and outside interests but I think the constant stress is grinding him down. He no longer thinks anyone wants to be his friend, so he no longer tries.

It's not what I wanted for my child and I feel desperately sad, that as his mother I can't protect him from this.

OP posts:
Teeb · 02/12/2013 09:46

You need to remove your son from Facebook.

mrsjay · 02/12/2013 09:48

get hoim off facebook and defriend 10 year olds why have you these kids on YOUR facebook

mrsjay · 02/12/2013 09:48

him*

WooWooOwl · 02/12/2013 09:49

You could give him some protection from it by moving schools and not allowing him access to FB, even if it's yours.

gamerchick · 02/12/2013 09:56

You are aware that online bullying is taken seriously by the police don't you?

My pals daughter got the fright of her life when the police knocked on the door for her.

Print it out and get them involved.. print them out and give them to the school telling the police are now involved and if they don't act you'll Involve the press.

However he's 10 .. does he play out? I wouldn't have thought playdates at that age exist.

I've just read that it's your Facebook. Seriously! You can't control that?

SootikinAndSweep · 02/12/2013 09:56

I'm confused. Every single child in his class (so about 29 kids) are ALL one religion that don't have parties?

What kind of school is it? Regardless of what you say about bullying I'd have misgivings about my child being the only on in a class that is from a different religion, when it seems that the religion of the other children is such a prohibitive one.

Get him off FB and find another school. Unless the education he is getting at this one is extraordinarily fabulous it doesn't sound like you could go anywhere worse.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 02/12/2013 09:58

You know, reporting those childrens accounts to FB would be a good idea, since they arent allowed to have their own accounts.

Misfitless · 02/12/2013 09:58

WooWooOwl move schools and get him off fb, that will at least alleviate some of the bullying, if not all.

OP, I don't mean to be rude or cruel, but are you for real?
Presumably your DS is in Y5/6? Not sure if he's been in this school since reception, I think not as I think I read he's been there for 4 yrs..?

Why have you not dealt with this sooner?
Why is he still in the same school?
I don't understand your attitude at all.

Are you in the UK?

mrsjay · 02/12/2013 09:59

why did you send your son to this school if it is some sort of faith school that dont have parties ?

monicalewinski · 02/12/2013 09:59

Get him off facebook, this is adding massively to the drip feed of bullying - by having to deal with the fb stuff he is never away from being bullied, even at home.

Show the school the stuff that's been put on fb and print off, too; a similar fb thing happened at my boys' school and the head was very stern with the children about them not being old enough and lying about age to get account (my boy didn't have one but he wanted one coz 'everyone else did', I wouldn't allow it at all - now he's at secondary he's not fussed about getting an account at all now).

With the racial stuff, yes this is awful and should not be allowed to continue - but I would be more inclined to push the bullying & isolation aspect of the situation whilst making mention of the racial (make the point that there is the racial element, but really press the point about the overall bullying and nastiness, IYSWIM - this ensures that the actual bullying is addressed rather than people getting on high horses about 'PC gorn mad' and the issue being clouded).
(That is just my take on how I would deal with it, obviously - not saying it's the right way).

I hope things are dealt with soon, it must be heartbreaking having to see this happen with your own child - I would definitely be looking at a school move too, if possible.

mrsjay · 02/12/2013 10:00

I cant understand why you are friends with these kids on facebook all 29 of them and you allow your son to read the messages i am very confused

Misfitless · 02/12/2013 10:00

I meant to say yy to woowooowl.

Birdsgottafly · 02/12/2013 10:04

"My ds is ten! It's my facebook which he uses as all his friends are on it. He does have friendships outside school and outside interests"

He shouldn't have FB at 10.

I don't fully believe that what has or is happening, is how you have portrayed it.

There are good reasons why some groups keep themselves secular, you only have to read the posts on here, on any thread about following a diet, such as being Vegan or Vegetarian, or believing in any form of spirituality.

However, no school in the UK can stop you from moving.

That us what makes me believe that this isn't as you say it is.

You should keep him offline (all readership has shown that we are all happier the less time spent online) and encourage the existing friendships you say he has, outside of school.

So what school does his other friends attend, that bit I don't understand.