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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu?-dh,inlaws and xmas-AGAIN!!

158 replies

Pinupgirl · 30/11/2013 09:44

I have posted previously about problems with inlaws-specifically mil. Background-we have spent every sunday for the last 20 years going to their house for dinner. They and dh would not take no for an answer.

We also spent 6 xmases with them after we had the dcs. 2 years ago I finally flipped and told dh I was sick and tired of it and that we would be spending xmas in our own home.

Now dh is adamant that he wants them to come here for xmas dinner. I really don't want them too as I feel I have spent lots of xmas with them,been far too accommodating frankly and don't want to spend xmas listening to his mum witter on while dh and his dad get pissed.

Dh is furious and making me feel like a horrible cowSad Am I bu?

OP posts:
Horsemad · 01/12/2013 21:34

OMG, just had to reply!

I had exactly the same with my DH. We were expected to go to inlaws every Sunday for dinner. We had to spend every Xmas at the inlaws.
After 5 yrs I flipped and put my foot down so we now only go there every other year.

Our gardens back onto each other (DH had house before we met) so they were always popping in. Bloody nightmare & I had to become VERY blunt so that eventually they got the message. I'm now known as 'the difficult one' amongst their extended family. It bothers me not! Grin

Stay strong OP & hold out for what YOU want. X

IneedAsockamnesty · 01/12/2013 22:06

If things get really bad then you could change the locks to the house & let him stay elsewhere
I thought this was a big no,no - from other LTB threads

In Reality you can change locks but equally as such you an be forced by court order to change them back,but that relies on the ex going to court.

People also say he can smash the door down and nobody will do anything but again in reality if he starts smashing doors down call the police say something along the lines of my ex is being aggressive smashing my door down I'm frightened (smashing a door down is aggressive unless your a police officer on a raid its not normal behaviour) and the police will attend.

NK5BM3 · 01/12/2013 22:45

This all sounds v difficult OP. just wondering are you both from the same culture? It just sounds like a v traditional Asian (and I use Asian loosely - Chinese, Indian etcetc) culture he comes from.

If they live only a £25 taxi fare ride away then they must be pretty close by. Why don't you just let him go over there and continue with what you want to do? Like church or going for a walk or playing games?

Original poster
Pinupgirl · 02/12/2013 18:55

No we are the same culture! Dh justs wants to have the same xmas he had when he was a kid but he is not a bloody kid anymore! He also feels that it is our duty to host inlaws this year as his brother did it last year.

But as I pointed out that was bil choice and they don't go for dinner with inlaws every sunday like we do!

OP posts:
auntpetunia · 02/12/2013 20:23

Just keep repeating "if you want them here then you do everything, but remember me and the Dcs will want to watch our film and play our board game so make sure your parents know this. Me and kids might even go out for a walk when you're all doing the dishes! " you need to be prepared to follow through and do nothing for them

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 02/12/2013 20:29

Hello

Did you say he was living at home till 34? Do you know why?

I think perhaps he is too set in his ways.

You will never ever change him.

I heard a saying that love is looking in the same direction, or something.

He is looking at his parents, not you.

Dont waste your time and energy arguing, you will never ever bring him round, for your own peace of mind, accept this is the way he is.

You cant change him, what you can do, is change your own situation.

Jux · 03/12/2013 00:02

Emotionally abusive, financially abusive, controlling. Work towards getting away from him altogether. Get the CSA involved. You won't have to beg for money from him ever again, or endure a crap Sunday with his ps.

We do a buffet on Xmas day, and have Xmas Lunch on Boxing Day. Far less stressful..

sashh · 03/12/2013 09:10

His main argument is that he wants to spend xmas with his parents.He says this is what everyone does

Well you clearly don't do you?

Why are his needs greater than yours?

OK how about one year you ask your parents - if they don't turn up then you get Xmas with dh and kids, the next year you ask his parents and the third year you have just you, dh and kids?

Oh and who ever's parents are there does all the cooking.

Would that work?

Or send him to PILs on his own if his parents are more important to him than the dc on Xmas day.

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