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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu?-dh,inlaws and xmas-AGAIN!!

158 replies

Pinupgirl · 30/11/2013 09:44

I have posted previously about problems with inlaws-specifically mil. Background-we have spent every sunday for the last 20 years going to their house for dinner. They and dh would not take no for an answer.

We also spent 6 xmases with them after we had the dcs. 2 years ago I finally flipped and told dh I was sick and tired of it and that we would be spending xmas in our own home.

Now dh is adamant that he wants them to come here for xmas dinner. I really don't want them too as I feel I have spent lots of xmas with them,been far too accommodating frankly and don't want to spend xmas listening to his mum witter on while dh and his dad get pissed.

Dh is furious and making me feel like a horrible cowSad Am I bu?

OP posts:
brettgirl2 · 30/11/2013 12:14

But then I would not stad for every sundy that IS ridiculous

RandomMess · 30/11/2013 12:14

Why don't you have Christmas morning at home and then dh can go and visit his parents and you stay home with the dcs?

haveyourselfashandy · 30/11/2013 12:15

Let him invite them.Then book a lovely meal somewhere for you and your dc.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 30/11/2013 12:27

The fact that he would prefer to spend time with them rather than you on a Sunday is a kick in the teeth for you and for him to not want Christmas with just you and the kids is not on.

Would you have liked to have been invited for lunch with them on his week off?

Original poster
Pinupgirl · 30/11/2013 12:48

Tbh no I didnt want to go to lunch but I think its rude not to ask anyway.I have offered for them to come over on xmas morning or boxing day but thats not good enough.i dont want to have to spend my xmas hosting,listening to their pissed ramblings and not getting to bed until stupid o clock.I just cant face it.

OP posts:
MommyBird · 30/11/2013 12:49

He sounds like a complete and utter arse.

MommyBird · 30/11/2013 12:51

actually. i'd make it very clear. he can spend his christmas with his mummy and daddy You and the kids have a wonderful christmas in your own home.

he sounds very rude and nasty.

Pollydon · 30/11/2013 12:55

I think you have much bigger problems my love, time to draw a line in the sand .

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 30/11/2013 13:00

I really hope you follow the suggestion upthread, about saying. " great" and then leaving the cooking, entertaining, clearing up, to him whilst you relax!

vtechjazz · 30/11/2013 13:02

Your DH sounds like he has never had to sacrifice his way ever.....it seems like he just lists the things he wants to happen, and he thoroughly expects you life to hand it to him. Has he ever given way op??

TheRealAmandaClarke · 30/11/2013 13:06

Oh you poor thing.
He is being totally unreasonable. I think you are amazing to have been so accommodating for so long.
He knows you have no choice, because of your situation with your mum so I guess you can't take the dcs there.

I would say no to him. He can see them at their home. They can come for boxing day. But you might as well say your piece. I couldn't bear to have every Sunday dictated to me, and I am a malleable person.
Why is he even asking you?

YouStayClassySanDiego · 30/11/2013 13:08

I'd tell him Christmas lunch is at yours and it's just you, him and the kids.

If he says no way, then tell him he can spend the day with his Mum and Dad at their house. If he chooses this then you know what he really thinks of your marriage and you can start to make plans to tell him to fuck off permanently.

How are things with him without factoring in his parents?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 30/11/2013 13:11

Well, he's not going to do all the cooking is he? He wants op to wait on him and his parents. Even if he did do that, it's not the christmas that op wants. I guess she wants to be at home with a loving dh and her gorgeous little dcs, which is super reasonable.
New year resolution time.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 30/11/2013 13:12

I agree with youstayclassysandiego fwiw

sue52 · 30/11/2013 13:12

Every Sunday for the last 20 years!! That is beyond most human endurance. This is the year for you to stand up to your DH and say no. I hope you are strong enough to do it.

angeltattoo · 30/11/2013 13:14

YAsoNBU.

That your H doesn't want to spend christmas with you and your DCs above anyone else would tell me all I needed to know.

I'd be devastated Hmm

TheRealAmandaClarke · 30/11/2013 13:17

Oh, and this is NOT "what everyone does" btw.

Chlorinella · 30/11/2013 13:19

I don't think the problem is the inlaws , the problem is your husband .
Not helpful of me , I know , but he sounds awful .

Laradaclara · 30/11/2013 13:31

I think I've read your threads before. Am I right in thinking that the few occasions you have gone with them on the Sundays they didn't give you any food? And that any party or activity the kids are invited to on a Sunday is vetoed because of PIL?
Have you managed to get any Sundays with the children yet? If not what happened as it will be very difficult to get your way over Christmas if the Sunday issue hasn't been resolved yet.

YANBU by the way and I can see this being a major issue for the survival of your marriage to be honest.

Original poster
Pinupgirl · 30/11/2013 13:41

No I do get fed! I think that is another poster you are thinking of.But many times over the years we have had to curtail or miss activities due to going to inlaws for dinner.It was ridiculous tbh and I pandered to it for far too long as I did not want to have conflict.There was a lot of ill feeling last year when I said we were having xmas at home.End off.I know they discussed it with dh behind my back.There was no mention of them being invited last year so I am wondering if either they or bil have spoken to dh about it.Its a stalemate and is going to ruin xmas.

OP posts:
Laradaclara · 30/11/2013 13:50

Ah sorry! Mind you, still sounds like you have a lot in common!
So the children don't do the Sunday thing any more or are you able to get some weekends to yourself?

Original poster
Pinupgirl · 30/11/2013 13:59

No the kids usually still go every sunday and its still a faff as they also have activities then.I go maybe 3 sundays a month now but I am no longer scared of telling dh we not going and it causing a huge argument. .Bil and sil and their teenagers rarely go but that is fine apparently.I have pointed out to dh the dcs may not want to go as they get older but its their duty or so says dh.

OP posts:
LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 30/11/2013 14:00

How are your DC?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 30/11/2013 14:07

So last Christmas you were all just at home? You, dh and dcs?
Is that right? How was it?
Every Sunday at the expense of any other activity is ridiculous. I would put an end to that.

Whocansay · 30/11/2013 15:05

They sound like a Poundshop version of the Krays, with all this nonsense about duty to the family. Why has your husband no sense of duty to HIS family, ie you and the dcs?

I'd stop going round there altogether and make sure that your children can do normal things at the weekend. Going over there EVERY weekend at the expense of everything else sounds totally suffocating.

Oh, YANBU!