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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dd was not silly to get upset

193 replies

Verycold · 25/11/2013 22:01

They watched a documentary about the Titanic today. She is 10.3, year 6. She found it very upsetting and was told off by the teacher for being "silly". Aibu to think it is not silly for quite a young child to find this subject matter upsetting?

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 25/11/2013 22:03

Depends on what was in the documentary, and how upset she actually got. She's not a young child anymore btw.

Mmmbacon · 25/11/2013 22:03

Feck I was a grown woman when I watched the titanic for the first time and I blubbed the hole way through as did the rest of the cinema, teacher was.bvvvu

Kasterborous · 25/11/2013 22:03

No it's not 'silly' to be upset about a ship that sank and lots of people died. The teacher was the one being unreasonable.

Mmmbacon · 25/11/2013 22:04

Sorry just saw it was documentary, still think teacher was bu,

OutragedFromLeeds · 25/11/2013 22:05

If she was genuinely upset then, no, she wasn't being silly.

A bit sensitive maybe? DC1 and DC2 learnt about the Titanic in year 2 and neither were upset.AFAIK the other children in the class all coped ok as well. Was the documentary particularly graphic?

I think it also depends what she was doing to express her upset. If she was screaming and rolling around on the floor or something, that's silly!

Original poster
Verycold · 25/11/2013 22:06

What age do you stop being a young child then?

She found a scene where a man's leg got trapped in an iron door very upsetting. Also how the men had to keep putting in coal to the very end.

OP posts:
OutragedFromLeeds · 25/11/2013 22:08

'What age do you stop being a young child then?'

5?

10 is a child, but not a young child.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 25/11/2013 22:08

I think a ten year old is bound to get more upset than a child in year two; six and seven year olds probably don't realise the enormity of the situation. Bless your dd, and yes the teacher was unreasonable. I'd never dismiss a child's emotions like that. Sad

Idespair · 25/11/2013 22:09

Yanbu
There is a reading scheme book about it and I found it sad when ds read it to me. So did ds (7). The book came home from school, non fiction.

CaptainSweatPants · 25/11/2013 22:10

Depends if she shed a few quiet tears or hysterically sobbed .& disrupted the lesson

Original poster
Verycold · 25/11/2013 22:12

She asked twice to be allowed to leave, second time they let her go and she read quietly in another classroom. The thing is I wouldn't want to be made to watch something that upsets me, why should a ten year old have to?

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cees · 25/11/2013 22:13

I couldn't and wouldn't watch anything titanic related, it's beyond depressing and the fact that a lot of people drown is just heart breaking.

I have enough bad thoughts in my head without adding to them so I think the teacher was harsh on your dd here.

YANBU

OutragedFromLeeds · 25/11/2013 22:15

She wasn't made to really was she? She was allowed to leave second time of asking. I think the teacher was right to not send her out straight away.

No-one is BU. DD was NBU to want to leave. Teacher was NBU to get her to try again, but then allow her to leave.

Amy106 · 25/11/2013 22:17

It is not "silly" to be upset about a tragedy where hundreds of people died.

Original poster
Verycold · 25/11/2013 22:17

Well she was told off in front of the group for being silly, which I think is unnecessary.

OP posts:
Original poster
Verycold · 25/11/2013 22:18

I think they should have been given the option beforehand to choose not to watch it.

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 25/11/2013 22:18

I think its actually a sign of maturity, not immaturity or "silliness", that your DD was emotionally affected by that. It shows empathy and sympathy, It shows understanding that this was a real event and real families (which younger kids may not appreciate or be able to extrapolate about)). I would worry more about those who can watch and hear about stuff like this and be completely unmoved TBH! One of the things I love about DH is that he will occasionally sob at a news item - as will I - usually about something awful that has happened to children. It is a good thing, not a sign of weakness, IMO.

mewmeow · 25/11/2013 22:19

Yanbu. Some children are more sensitive than others, doesn't mean they should be criticised or changed, the world needs sensitive people too! Hate all this 'stiff upper lip' bullshit. It is a noturiously upsetting topic. The teacher wbu.

WooWooOwl · 25/11/2013 22:21

Was she being silly though?

If she was sobbing and being dramatic then I can understand her being told not t be silly.

If she quietly put her hand up and asked to leave, then you may have a point.

Either way, she's y6 now. I don't think you should make a big deal out of it.

Original poster
Verycold · 25/11/2013 22:23

I totally agree that she should have asked quietly, and I understand that to be the case.

OP posts:
tinmug · 25/11/2013 22:25

What was the point of them being made to watch the documentary, if they were not supposed to be affected by it? Confused

gordyslovesheep · 25/11/2013 22:26

I am 43 and I still cry watching A Night To Remember!

My dd2 would find stuff like this hard to watch - she has issues with anxiety - she has found human biology really hard and has developed several death obsession

so no she was not being unreasonable to get upset and she was not silly

CarryOnDancing · 25/11/2013 22:28

Being called silly for showing emotion at an extremely sad thing is beyond ridiculous and shows a teacher without much understanding. I don't think the teacher should have dismissed your DD's feelings. Instead it might have be a good classroom activity to discuss empathy and why we feel it. I'd give your DD the badge of being empathetic and socially mature, definitely not "sensitive" whatever the bloody hell that means?!

Surely it's the teachers job to bring the topic to life and emotions are amazing for helping store things in their memory. I'm assuming it was for history? I'd rather hoped history classes today would be less an exercise in remembering dates and more about the impact of events on the past and present? I thought history was boring as a child, now I realise it could have been an amazing class-with the right teacher.

Did the teacher call her silly in front of the whole class or in private out of interest? They are both crappy ways to deal with it either way.

I'd even question those suggesting at 10 it's less appropriate to be upset. If we dismiss their feelings now, how on earth can teachers connect with the students and have trust and respect in their teenage years?

BigToesofFrog · 25/11/2013 22:30

You can't compare children with things like this and say "x is 10 and didn't cry so you shouldn't either". People are different and some people cry easily. Agree with tinmug, these things are shown to the kids to impress on them the enormity and importance of the event, and the little details and individual people's stories are the things that make you cry.

I am 44 and have researched the Titanic story for work and I cried!

Arcadia · 25/11/2013 22:31

YANBU. Things like that make me feel really panicky and upset, I wouldn't want to watch it myself. I get nightmares from stuff like that. Some people just have more imagination and empathy than others. I remember as a child I even found sitcoms upsetting because everything kept going wrong and I felt sorry for the people! I think that was really unfair of her teacher but maybe the teacher didn't really realise how affected she was.