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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dd was not silly to get upset

193 replies

Verycold · 25/11/2013 22:01

They watched a documentary about the Titanic today. She is 10.3, year 6. She found it very upsetting and was told off by the teacher for being "silly". Aibu to think it is not silly for quite a young child to find this subject matter upsetting?

OP posts:
slickrick · 26/11/2013 10:41

I think most adults would find it upsetting. The teacher sounds rather heartless

Preciousbane · 26/11/2013 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SunshineMMum · 26/11/2013 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Acinonyx · 26/11/2013 10:46

How depressing to think that this topic should not upset anyone - or that to find it upsetting is 'silly'.

HowlingTrap · 26/11/2013 10:49

I remember being about 8, and the teacher sat down and told us all in graphic detail all about bonfire night and what became of Guy Fawkes *vom.

I found it very disturbing and clearly remember sitting in the toilet trying get my bearings , I was very quiet and disturbed.

I agree with a poster above a 10 year old is more likely to understand the issue, If I told my 4 year old a ship sank with lots of people on, he's just be like and?.

DuckToWater · 26/11/2013 10:51

YANBU. Your DD displayed a mature attitude, not silly at all. The teacher should have handled it more sensitively and carefully.

And Shock Hmm at people saying "6 is not a young child".

Well, quite - get them out to work Angry

sandfrog · 26/11/2013 10:51

YANBU

FluffyJumper · 26/11/2013 12:27

Nobody is saying that children should go out to work young or not.

The OPs DD is 10, not 6.

eofa1 · 26/11/2013 12:47

It is not mature to be completely unable to watch a documentary about an upsetting issue. Nothing wrong with finding the content upsetting, but repeatedly getting up and insisting on leaving the room? She is soon going to be in secondary school. Are you going to insist she be allowed to leave the room whenever her class learns about wars, or slavery, or any of the myriad "upsetting" things it is important to learn about?

eofa1 · 26/11/2013 12:55

And I don't think the teacher was suggesting it was wrong to be upset about the Titanic. I think she was probably suggesting that not being able to cope at all with this documentary without disrupting the class and "having" to leave the room was a bit silly.

AuroraRoared · 26/11/2013 13:41

I think you're being a bit precious tbh. As other posters have said, 10 is not "quite young", she will be starting secondary school next year! It is a bit odd that you put her age as 10.3 which is what you tend to do with much younger children when those extra months can make all the difference in developmental terms.

Yes, of course she may well find these things upsetting, but to keep getting up and disrupting the rest of the class is not really on. How is she going to cope at secondary school where she will be expected to fend for herself much more?

I think it might be time for you to look at some ways in which you can help her to cope better with things she finds difficult or upsetting, and one of the first ways of doing this would be to start seeing her as an older child who is capable of more than you think.

Original poster
Verycold · 26/11/2013 17:40

I put the age so specifically to show that she is a young one in rhe year (August birthday). I think it does still make a difference at that age.

OP posts:
Tabby1963 · 26/11/2013 19:37

I don't think you are unreasonable to have expected the teacher to have handled your daughter's distress more sensitively. If she did indeed label your daughter 'silly' for being upset about aspects of the documentary then that's wrong.

However as other posters have pointed out, if she was (together with others) being dramatic an attention seeking (it sort of spreads among girls like a virus) then she was right to label such behaviour silly. I see this sort of hysteria from time to time at school and it is intensely irritating.

Re: upsetting films. One film, a children's film actually, that I found disturbing and distressing I will never watch it again was Road to Terabithia. No spoilers here but anyone who has watched it will know which part I refer too. I didn't expect it and was very upset for the rest of the film. Sad Would not show it to children or maybe it's just me lol.

Tabby1963 · 26/11/2013 19:38

Sorry, it is called Bridge to Terabithia

nooka · 26/11/2013 20:09

Nothing wrong with finding something upsetting or crying when you are moved. However on the face of it a documentary chosen for a school classroom should not be so upsetting that you need to repeatedly demand to leave the room. So either the dd is a bit OTT in her response, which needs to be carefully managed by her parents, or the documentary was unsuitable for that age group.

My dd is 13 now, but there are certainly children that she has grown up with who might well have made a song and dance about a bit of upset. If I had to teach them I would find that very irritating! One of them really works herself up into a state, and I think it's a sign of immaturity rather than maturity because it's really not about empathising.

On the other hand I am totally sympathetic about nightmares! ds got seriously bothered about natural disasters after visiting the natural history museum's earthquake room and it was both out of character and annoying!

intitgrand · 26/11/2013 22:39

10 is not "quite young

Come on now, how can a 10 yr old not be considered young?

Lilacroses · 26/11/2013 22:47

Yanbu at all. What a shame the teacher didn't handle it sensitively. What did they expect?! Her response is appropriate given the subject matter. Isn't it odd that it is ok for a teacher to treat a child like this but if it were an adult say on a course or something people would usually be very caring and considerate. Of course 10 is young! Jeez! My 11 year old is very mature but she is still a little girl!

nickelbabe · 26/11/2013 23:31

it's how many times she had to ask.
if i'd been that 10yo, I would have walked out after being refused the 2nd time.

MidniteScribbler · 27/11/2013 00:31

It really depends on her behaviour. Repeatedly standing up while a viewing is in progress and demanding to leave is not apppropriate behaviour. Quietly calling the teacher over and asking for a time out is not. As a few others have said, there is a sort of competitive empathy that often spreads through a room with students almost trying to out do each other in their tears and crying. It is silly, and it needs to be dealt with, and not by allowing students to leave.

There is also an element of students not being allowed to leave due to supervision issues. You can't just allow students to wander in and out of class at whim.

pixwix · 27/11/2013 00:46

Ds1, when he was 14 was in a lesson where they were watching the opening scenes of a war film (can't remember which one).

He never saw the rest of it, cos he fainted clean away.

He's not over sensitive, he doesn't make a fuss, he's very level headed - he's the archetypal stoic - he hasn't had a day off school for years - yet he's affected by visual stuff that evokes strong emotions - he can't help it - he finds it really embarrassing.

He wouldn't have the nerve to say ' I need to leave please' - on that occasion, he just fainted. Now - they know him well enough so he can give them the heads-up and he can leave before he faints...

longjane · 27/11/2013 01:35

I think you do need to see the teacher as asking to leave the room is not normal reaction .

You need to get your daughter behaveror sorted.

What do you do at home when she see something that upsets her.

Original poster
Verycold · 27/11/2013 06:20

Dd woke up at 2 with nightmares and was then awake for hours Confused she really is distressed by this, don't kmow what to do

OP posts:
ilovecolinfirth · 27/11/2013 06:25

It's not unreasonable that she was upset, however it's important that she's exposed to programmes or books that have tough subjects. It's real life. It happened. People suffered. People died. By the age of 10 she needs to learn about the enormity of such topics.

Original poster
Verycold · 27/11/2013 06:37

So what do I do?? She is so upset!!

OP posts:
DuckToWater · 27/11/2013 06:42

They need to learn. ..in time, they certainly don't need to know everything by 10, and any difficult subjects need to be handled sensitively and in an age appropriate way. I think sometimes there is a tendency to do too much too young with schools now- we certainly wouldn't have covered a topic like this until secondary school.

Though it can be done well - DD1 did WW2 last year in Y3 and was absolutely fascinated and not distressed unduly.

I tend to think let kids be kids though. Let them have a childhood - they'll have the rest of their lives to worry about all this.