To think dd was not silly to get upset

[Verycold]

They watched a documentary about the Titanic today. She is 10.3, year 6. She found it very upsetting and was told off by the teacher for being "silly". Aibu to think it is not silly for quite a young child to find this subject matter upsetting?

I think it is all about context. I can imagine the drama that some children would bring to this. By all means ask the teacher what happened but be prepared to hear what the teacher says about the situation.

FWIW A Night to Remember has me sobbing. It is utterly heartbreaking so I understand that your DD may have been very upset.

I think that your daughter asking to leave was very mature and responsible. If she had been made to stay she would have become seriously overwhelmed and made an uncomfortable situation perhaps for the other children, the teacher therefore is bang out of order. I think your daughter showed remarkable maturity in being able to say 'I can't handle this right now, I think it's best if I take a time out'. Not everyone has a heart of stone and not everyone is sensitive. Your daughter clearly realised that people suffered terribly that night and couldn't face thinking about it. She's a ten year old child ffs, the teacher should have been more tactful.

NO she is not being silly.
DD1 cried at the end of Ann Franks diary at the same age.

I have never watched it or Titanic (or documentaries about it) and never intend to.

I had a horribly drowning/freezing to death in the Thames dream when I was about 8 (daft when I had never been to London) and things like that give me the creeps almost 40 years later.

Odd because I happily swim in the sea way out my depth and do water sports.

I think I agree with shinybauble, the teacher may have handled it badly, but surely you don't think that your child should be excused from a lesson to read because they find the topic upsetting. The teacher should be able to facilitate a better feeling of empathy & a discussion about why it's upsetting but how is your child going to cope with other upsetting/sad discussions - war, natural disasters, destruction of indigenous peoples etc. My 8 year old has covered these.

It's not silly to find such things upsetting, and it's awful that the teacher told her off in front of the class for feeling that way.

It was a terrible disaster where hundreds of people died, something so affecting that people all over the world marked the centenary and still show an interest in the ship and those that died on it. Showing sorrow and empathy for them is not wrong.

And ten years old is still a young child in my book, she's still a little girl but of an age where she has an idea of the enormity of the disaster. I think her response was perfectly reasonable for her young age.

I get the horrors about the idea of being trapped and drowning, and have done since I was very little - younger than your dd. If this IS the documentary I'm thinking it may have been, the teacher had no business showing it to children that age, and insulting any of them for being upset makes it worse.

I'd go in and ask what film it was that was shown OP. Was it the teacher's own idea, or part of a set, agreed lesson stream?

look - Once Were Warriors . In other NZ film related sadness, I sobbed in the cinema watching The Whalerider and it nobody had died!

YANBU - I can understand exactly why she would be sad and it is not even slightly silly.

Being upset is normal, but I still remember the way some girls in my classes would behave when we read or watched something sad. Full-blown dramatics that would steadily rise in volume if ignored, and that usually spread among friendship groups, so very quickly you'd go from one girl shedding a few tears to 5 girls loudly wailing. If your DD simply raised her hand and asked to leave the teacher was out of order for calling her silly (though not for not letting her leave straight away, if you let every student who finds a film or book or topic of discussion upsetting opt out you'd end up with half the class missing important bits and pieces of work all year). If she put on a show, was disruptive in any way, then she was being silly and I'd see no problem in a teacher telling her that.

It sounds like it may be her general behaviour surrounding the incident rather than the fact of her being upset.

My DD (10) would probably be ok, but has a couple of friend's who would def be upset by this. One of them had to leave an assembly recently when they were talking about Remembrance and the people who had died in the wars.
My DS (now 18) would probably have been a little upset at it, altho he now looks intimidating because of his 'style', he is a big softy who has always got teary very easily.

It is fair enough to be upset - but having to leave the room is attention seeking.

I remember learning about Hiroshima at the same age. I had nightmares for weeks that my house was going to be bombed. I wasn't old enough to understand the context, or that a nuclear bomb wasn't going to be dropped tomorrow in Australia in 1988.

I don't think it's unreasonable that some children find these things distressing to learn about.

Exactly what phantomnamechanger said.

Dd came in to see me at 3am because she had nightmares

:(

I remember watching a film about that age on childhood arthritis.

I fainted. Onto the BOY sitting next to me.

Mortified.

I'm not at all all that 'sensitive' but something resonated, the girl in the film was my age.

Mind you, I did nearly faint watching the bandages bit in RUSH recently. I'm squeamish, not sensitive I suppose.

We can't help what upsets us, and it sounds like she tried to manage it, but. The school was unreceptive/uncaring.

Given the nightmares, i'd give the school a ring and tell them I wasn't impressed by their lack of sympathy.

Wow that's awful for a teacher to dismiss a child's feelings as silly. She absolutely has the right not to be made to watch something she genuinely finds upsetting to that degree.

DD2 is year 5 and is learning about WW2. She finds a lot of the work quite upsetting. She has cried quietly in class a couple of times and has talked things over with us at home. She is a sensitive very caring girl and the things that upset her most are families being separated. Fortunately her teacher understands her and doesn't tell her she is silly. Even though she does seen to take it all to heart more than the others do.

I don't think your DD was silly. I think the teacher was lacking in empathy.

I guess this raises a lot of interesting points. I believe it is important the children are educated about emotionally upsetting or disturbing events, but it is important this is done in an age appropriate manner and that teachers have an understanding of any personal circumstances which might affect a child's reaction as well as recognition that different children will react differently.

When I was in Yr 9 I requested that I didn't study 'of mice and men' as I have a family member with learning disabilities. My mum had tried to prepare me by getting me to read it on my own during the summer holidays ( on holiday actually) and I cried and had nightmares for two weeks. My teacher explained I couldn't opt out but she changed the book for everyone. Looking back I am sad that the rest of the class were not exposed to the powerful and important book which could have given some of them more empathy towards people with LD - but then I guess if people lack empathy in the first place they might not learn it from a book either. I am relieved that I didn't have to go through that experience in front of the whole class.

Turns out she was told three times to sit back down

I still feel emotional when watching programmes about titanic and in arguable they are put together in way that purposely moves the audience.

She isn't silly but the teacher probably didn't know how to respond.
Imagine a child crying in a year six class because of something that was on the teachers lesson plan? Doesn't look/sound good and could be disruptive to the rest of the class.

It depends on the whole situation.
If dd1 asked to leave she would be already very (internally) very distressed.
With dd2 (age 10), I can show her the title of a film, (eg. the Little Mermaid was one!) she looks at it, and says with distress all over her "I can't watch that, it's going to be too scary/upsetting/nasty..." By the end of the title sequence she can have asked to go three times, and be shaking and crying. If I can persuade her to stay and watch, by the end of an hour it's her favourite film ever and can she watch it again tomorrow.

When I was in the 6th form (that's age 17, not year 6) we as a year were watching a film that was potentially distressing content. We were warned about it beforehand, and told if we wished to leave, have a quiet word with the teacher, and we would be allowed to. The previous year, I believe over half the year had left, speaking to a member of the previous year, they said that once a couple of people had gone, basically people (including themself) thought they would rather go as well and left because they could.
When we asked the year above, it was very clear that once a few people had gone, people felt they might as well go too, and relatively few of them had felt any distress at all, more that they could get on with something they'd prefer.

Nothing wrong with having a little empathy, i shed a little tear at sad things.

Teacher def handles it wroing by sounds of it, and showed a complete lack of understanding for children she is teaching.

I agree there is nothing wrong with the topic being covered at this age, and nothing wrong with some documentaries about th esubject either. I also don't think giving children the option to not atch at the start is a good idea.

However, a part of a teacher's role is to look out for the chidren in their care - well, she failed this bit by the sounds of it.

It is not okay for the teacher to dismiss a child's emotions in this way. An upset child should be listened to, her distress not throw out as "silly" and especially not in front of the class. The girl was showing signs of empathy and sympathy - all "good" feelings to develop, and which come with maturity. This is why a y2 child can probably cope with watching far more easily that a y6 child.

And once the child had been upset enough to actually ask to leave the room - then yes, let them go to compose themselves. I kight encourage them to stick it out after the first asking if not too upset, but on a second asking them you need to step in - as the adult in charge.

aww of course she is not silly doesnt matter what age you are if something upsets you it upsets you, my dd is 15 is sensitive to things and will cry at the drop of a hat at things I would hate for a teacher to tell her she was silly,emotions are not silly

That isall: She isn't silly but the teacher probably didn't know how to respond.

But that is her job. I doubt it is the first time a teacher has had a child upset in their lesson, not unless she is very new to the job.