To think dd was not silly to get upset

[Verycold]

They watched a documentary about the Titanic today. She is 10.3, year 6. She found it very upsetting and was told off by the teacher for being "silly". Aibu to think it is not silly for quite a young child to find this subject matter upsetting?

I would go and see the school about the way it was handled. A clearly distressed child should of been allowed out.

I think it depends on how her mind works. ds is a fairly factual boy, so when he had nightmares (and day worries) about natural disasters we talked through the feasibility of one happening where we lived, what we would do etc. Acknowledging his worry and helping him to think things through helped put the fear to bed. dd was less analytical and a mix of cuddles and humour and not indulging her too much worked better.

Is your dd fearful or just upset OP?

The fact that/she had been told to sit down 3 times rings a bell with me. It was either

a) because she was genuinely upset and trying to leave

Or

b) because she was wondering round and disrupting the lesson and being silly

Not being there or knowing your daughter makes it impossible to say whether the teacher was unreasonable or not as the two require different classroom responses.

you need to talk to teacher

When I was 12 we were studying the Titanic, we watched 'a Night to Remember'. Most of us were in tears at the end and no one was cross, they just said it was because we understood the tragedy and loss of life.

The fact that/she had been told to sit down 3 times rings a bell with me

^this^

What do you mean initgrand?

Teacher was BU for labelling her a silly in front of the class. Id expect a 10th year old to connect with a documentary far more than a 6 year old would - it shows she's gaining knowledge and able to apply it to different experiences. I can understand the teacher might have seen it as disrupting her lesson - but to openly criticise a child's feelings is wrong. If time permitted a quiet chat about WHY your daughter found it so distressing and how she can handle such strong emotions would habeas been far mire productive than an un-helpful label which is commonly used to shut someone up/down

YANBU. There's no shame in showing emotion over such a tragic event, and her teacher should not have called her out on it and embarrassed her in front of the class. I would speak to the school about it.

There is no shame in crying .

But what is not normal is asking to leave the room as unable to cope .

This what you need to see the teacher about your daughter need to be able to cope with things that upset her.

Why wouldn't it be normal to ask to leave if something was distressing?

a) because most children of that age can cope with watching a documentary about an upsetting situation without having to leave the room and disrupt a lesson.

b) because there is a difference between finding something upsetting and not being able to control that emotion in any way.

What are schools supposed to do? They can't provide individual supervision for all children too "sensitive" for a particular topic. Should they stop teaching anything that anybody might find distressing? Which means they would never teach about wars/slavery etc. in History, or bullying in citizenship lessons, along with countless other examples. Come on. The responsibility here is on the OP to work with her DD on how to manage her emotions and certainly not make a massive fuss, as this is going to give her DD the impression that her behaviour is acceptable. Again, I don't think anybody has suggested that the child shouldn't be upset, they've suggested that her reaction was disruptive and inappropriate. The teacher was picking up on this, not on the upset.

And again, I wish people would stop suggesting that this behaviour is a sign of maturity. It is exactly the opposite.

Asking leave disrupt the class and half the class could say the same thing.

Surely what you do is shut your eyes and but your fingers in you ears .

The teacher may gave been right to pick up on her inability to deal with these emotions...but calling her silly in front of the class? Yeah...really productive...I cannot see how labelling someone is providing them with some tools to learn to cope with emotions. Yes its the OPs job to do this at hone but to a certain extent its also the teachers..or to at least not add to toe kids struggle by labelling her in front of everyone.

I think the teacher should have been prepared for some children, quite understandably, to have an emotional reaction to this kind of subject and should have anticipated that one or two would have been unable to cope with it.

I also assume that the documentary showed some footage of the disaster (life boats rowing away, the wrecked ship, perhaps even photos of passengers) and this would have had a much more heightened effect on a sensitive child than simply being taught about the event without illustrations. For a sensitive, empathetic child who was learning about the Titanic for the first time, this approach proved overwhelming and she should have been allowed to leave the room without fuss.

There is a big difference, in learning about emotive subjects, in the type of lesson the children are exposed to. The OP's daughter may well have been able to listen and take in this subject matter if taught, in words, by the teacher - it was being confronted with pictorial evidence that made it unbearable. There is no reason to avoid teaching children "difficult" subjects - but it is necessary to take account of children's different levels of being able to cope with some horrifying subjects and not force them to confront graphically scenes that they find genuinely distressing.

I think I would speak to the school about this.

She wasn't being silly or oversensitive at all! Different things affect different children differently. I teach one 12 year old and 1 13 year old who I send out of the room straight away before showing (or even talking about in the 12 year old's case) anything about blood, guts, torture etc because they will probably pass out!

At the moment I'm doing creative writing based on that 30 most powerful images thread that's floating around the internet and I have to really steel myself not to let my voice shake as I explain then because I am on the verge of tears. The children are fine but I want to cry. Does that make me silly and immature then!? The teacher is being ridiculous.

For about the millionth time, it isn't the upset that is silly. It's the repeatedly getting up, disrupting the class, and insistence on leaving.

As I was reading through the thread I was wondering if your dd would end up having nightmares, unfortunately not surprised she did :(

I don't think it's so much to do with maturity as sensitivity and empathy/sympathy which some children, like adults, feel more strongly. My son is 11, at secondary school and when I told him that our neighbour's dog (who he only saw from time to time through the fence) died, he burst into tears on the spot. I wouldn't have predicted that even though I know he's sensitive. We don't have a dog so he wasn't projecting any personal situation or experience. He studied titanic at primary and when I suggested we watch the movie he said he didn't want to as it would be upsetting. He knows himself and tries to avoid things which will upset him but it doesn't mean he is avoiding the subject matter and putting his head in the sand.

Very insensitive to call your DD "silly" even if to begin with the teacher might have thought she was kidding around. It's not unforeseeable that the subject matter will be upsetting to some kids.

Agree with Manic, speak to the teacher so she knows your DD was genuinely upset about watching the documentary (ie not trying to get out of it) and there were repercussions that night. It might make her less dismissive in the future.

I really doesn't matter if she was being silly or not.

Teachers aren't always aware of a child's history, and why something might upset them. Part of being a professional is to deal with children's emotions without calling them silly in front of their peers.

Argh! The teacher clearly wasn't calling the kid silly for being upset! She was calling her silly for disrupting a serious lesson, not following instructions and insisting on leaving the room!

at WooWooOwl decreeing that 10 is not a "young child btw.*" Like she/he is the fucking age police.

Let children be children. Adulthood is hard enough without making kids grow up and mature quicker than they are able or is necessary. I have seen Titanic and I am not sure I would choose to watch it again. It would be bad enough if it was fiction but the fact it is true makes it much more harrowing to watch.

I have had words with a teacher at a previous school as I had had enough of her snippy comments and had to tell her not to be ridiculous when she said some rather immature and pathetic comments. I will always back up a teacher but only when she/he is fair and sensible.

I don't think she was silly to be upset or to ask to leave personally.