To think dd was not silly to get upset

[Verycold]

They watched a documentary about the Titanic today. She is 10.3, year 6. She found it very upsetting and was told off by the teacher for being "silly". Aibu to think it is not silly for quite a young child to find this subject matter upsetting?

I have very clear memories of watching Charlotte' s Web at school age 8 and being really embarrassed to be upset in front of everyone,especially when other children weren't. I hope your DD is ok OP.

eofa it is absolutely relevant as children learn how to behave by copying us. Leaving for a minute is what pretty much all adults would do if they were upset around others, and the fact that a child is branded 'silly' or 'attention seeker' for wanting to do the same is a shitty double standard IMO. The 'do as I say, not as I do' attitude towards children is dismissive and potentially harmful, teaching children that their wants and needs are unimportant and irrelevant. Not conducive to emotionally healthy people with good self esteem.

are kids not allowed to go to the toilet unsupervised these days of course it is fine for the girl to leave the classroom eofa infact i think it showed maturity on the girls part she knew she was upset she asked to be excused

Yes mrsjay, my 5 year old is allowed to go to the toilet unsupervised at school. I'm pretty sure a 10 year old can be trusted for a couple of minutes out of The classroom.

But if a kid is claiming to be too distressed to watch a documentary then it isn't going to be just two minutes outside the classroom is it? It's going to be for the rest of the lesson, and again the child cannot be left unsupervised for that time.

Well, once the teacher took her seriously she was able to go and read quietly away from the rest of the class, so it obviously wasn't too much trouble to let her do that. She should have been able to do that from the beginning without the name calling and humiliation.

During our GCSEs we watched a number of documentaries on the war. The Holocaust one, I've never heard such silence in a room of 16 year olds. When the lights came up, there were tears from both the girls and the boys. And there was no shame either - no one claimed they had something in their eye or tried to quickly hide it. It was very emotional.

maybe they just needed a minute to compose themselves and wouldnt be wandering the school wailing,

annie dd did that last year in history nothing wrong in showing emotions

I seriously hope you are not a teacher, eofa.

And I seriously hope that some people who post on MN aren't parents, but we can't all get what we hope for...

I'd rather see a parent acknowledge a child's personality type and give them tools on how to adapt to the world than see a teacher continually and lazily (and telling a child they are silly in those circumstances is lazy) fuck up the parent's efforts.

Well, I've been accused of making assumptions on this thread. I don't think that any of the assumptions I've made are quite as big as suggesting that this teacher is continually and lazily fucking up a parent's efforts to bring up her child.

It is not an assumption to say that calling a child in distress over something that is being shown in class, in front of the rest of the class, is lazy. It is extremely lazy - hopefully she was having a bad day and will get back to modelling appropriate behaviour. Sadly, some teachers do continually do this kind of thing because it is easier. Whether this teacher is doing it continually, I don't know. I was being hypothetical based on my experiences with some teachers.

I agree that it shows empathy and social maturity. I also believe that the teacher should have paused the DVD and discussed emotions. If only more children/adults empathised with others the country would be a nicer place, because of this I am surprised that the teacher called her silly. I think it's sad that we expect children and adults not to be moved by very upsetting events, it's as if being unemotional is what we want as a society...

I don't think that openly showing emotions/getting into a state is particularly a sign of maturity. My dh is much more likely to weep at sad films than I am, it doesn't mean he has more or better feelings than I do he just shows them more openly. We are both in our 40s so as grown up as we will ever be!

The OP needs to speak with the teacher and get an understanding of what was shown and what happened in the classroom before she can judge whether her dd behaved appropriately or not, and if the teacher was unfair.

She also needs to work with her dd about how to process her emotions so that she can cope a bit better in future as I am sure that school will involve hearing about and potentially watching sad things in the future. It doesn't sound like there are any underlying issues to take into account, and having nightmares is a bit of a nuisance for everyone.

Those people here that know which documentary it is - would it be shown after the 8pm watershed on BBC?

I'm having a hard time understanding whey some think it is wrong for a child to ask to be excused over something she is finding too distressing to deal with.

If she was an adult she would leave the room - why can't a child? Why does a child have to have the emotions other's think she should have? Why do some people insist that denying/ridiculing a child's feelings is ok? How is a (hypothetical) child who has continually been told how she should feel going to cope as an adult? Isn't it healthier to acknowledge feelings, talk about them, offer help processing them and providing tools to deal with them a better thing to do?

As is the case with all teachers, she's on a clock - continually. But she'd have probably saved more time by briefly acknowledging the child's upset and allowing her to leave - kids walk around school all the time without a teacher breathing down their necks - I'd be surprised if there isn't somewhere in that school where children regularly go to do some sort of self-study or reflection (library for example) - especially at the age of 10.

The school might also consider sending permission slips home when something like this is being shown - our school does and then the parent has the chance to pre-warn a teacher if they're in the position to do so.

DS was fascinated by the Titanic a while back and read some school books about it (he was 8 IIRC) So DM took him to the Titanic exhibition at the O2.
DS is normally quite mentally robust and not prone to hysterical outpourings but he was visibly very upset by the exhibition, while lots of other children were walking round oblivious. DM offered to take him out but he wanted to stay and found it very interesting.
The teacher was NBU to attempt to make your DD stay initially (or hoardes of children could claim to be upset and need to leave) but was BU to say that to her when it became apparent she was clearly affected by it.