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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Excluded from school nativity

252 replies

scoobysnac · 25/11/2013 21:30

I have just been advised by my sons teacher that he not be participating in the school nativity play due to his attention issues. He will be 3 in January. He has been in 2 other productions at a previous nursery and he was extremely attentive and performed well.

They have said he can come and watch but I don't think it's fair for home to do that in the circumstances. I have discussed this with friends and I laws and they are all really shocked that the nursery would do this.

I was extremely upset earlier today but now I'm just angry that the nursery would put their production above a child's happiness. Rather ironic that it's a nativity and they are acting extremely unchristian.

It's not like he was auditioning for a part and did not win. That would be explainable to an older child but he's 2 years old and will feel left out if all his friends are taking part.

I did post this on another thread and receive pd some very scathing remarks inferring my vanity has been hurt. This is not the case. I just don't feel it's acceptable to exclude a 2 year of for lack of concentration.

Am I being unreasonable to demand they give him a part especially in view of the expensive fees they charge.

OP posts:
FluffyJumper · 26/11/2013 19:48

I would be pissed off with the nursery too. I think they're out of order - like someone said upthread, it's not a west end production!

FluffyJumper · 26/11/2013 19:49

Satin he will be taking part - he will feel part of what the nursery us doing. Surely that is the point.

CoffeeTea103 · 26/11/2013 19:57

If he is going to disrupt the play then surely those kids should be considered as well? If he is going to be jumping up and running about why would they want to spoil it for the other kids. He is 3 he won't remember this, it seems to be a bigger issue for you.

Rufus44 · 26/11/2013 20:08

It's in pre school education bowlersarm

Rufus44 · 26/11/2013 20:11

satin didn't realise I should be looking at previous threads before I made a comment

You are quite right the OP was very dramatic in the first one but she still had a lot of people saying that it did seem a bit unfair, they did caveat that by saying don't be such a drama queen and he won't remember!!!

Heartbrokenmum73 · 26/11/2013 20:14

Well, all three of my dc went to pre-school and took part in some kind of nativity/Christmas song thing. No children were forced to take part (or were harmed in the making of these productions Grin) but the ones who did all seemed to enjoy dressing up (DD was Mary, complete with swinging Jesus by his ankles and gurning at me, DS was a donkey and DS2 was a snowman) and singing songs for the parents.

I don't see the issue with them doing a little performance for their parents. It's sweet and fun for all involved. True, not one of mine remember them, but they all love the stories of the stuff they got up to!

Why does everything have to have a value attached to it? Why can't it just be fun?

Original poster
scoobysnac · 26/11/2013 20:23

Satinsandals for someone that claims to work for a charity you are extremely uncharitable.

Yes I posted this thread elsewhere but what it is to you if some people on this thread are being more sympathetic.

If I'm a drama queen what are you

I believe in positive parenting and have a genuine belief my son will be effected by this exclusion.

If any of you are familiar with the eyfs inclusion is one of its foundations.

OP posts:
hazeyjane · 26/11/2013 21:00

If he is going to be jumping up and running about why would they want to spoil it for the other kids.

If that is the case.the nursery should be supporting him. What sort of lesson is it, that if a child struggles with concentration or siting still, then they are excluded from group activities.

Bogeyface · 26/11/2013 21:10

Satin whether there is or is not value to the exercise is not relevant because the OP didnt make the decision to put on the play, the nursery did. In making that decision it would be assumed by parents that all children will be involved at some point, excluding 6 children on the basis of a very wishy washy "he isnt ready", and especially on the back of trying push a diagnosis of ADHD onto a toddler, is not on.

The fact is that excluding a child that has done nothing wrong will simply engender a feeling of injustice which even very young children understand. He is not going to learn anything from this exercise other than doing his best means he still doesnt get to join in. Not a good lesson and not one I would want my child to learn, it will make his behaviour worse, not better!

SatinSandals · 26/11/2013 21:17

I don't think they are putting any diagnosis on him! He is a typical 2 yr old and they don't think he is ready for a play - most 2 yr olds are not!
What is he going to get out of it?

Bogeyface · 26/11/2013 21:21

I didnt say they were putting a diagnosis on him, I said they were pushing for one, and they are.

He is a typical 2 yr old and they don't think he is ready for a play - most 2 yr olds are not!
What is he going to get out of it?

Are you being deliberately obtuse? It has been explained several times, in very simple language, that what he gets out of it is not relevant. What IS relevant is the effect on a young child being left out of a group activity for no apparent reason, or at least, no reason that stands up to scrutiny.

That can, and does, have a negative effect on childrens behaviour because they see no reason to follow the rules if when they do, they are still excluded.

Bogeyface · 26/11/2013 21:23

I would beinterested to know how many children younger than this lad will be in the play.

I rather suspect that this is more to do with personalities than abilities, or lack thereof.

BuntyPenfold · 26/11/2013 21:30

The preschool is being ridiculous, tell them you want it in writing so you can show ofsted they are being non-inclusive.
Please come back to tell me what they say to that.

SatinSandals · 26/11/2013 21:34

I'm sorry- I will bow out- I simply can't get my head around the fact that an almost 3 yr old is going to be the least bothered about a play or who is in it, or not in it, or see that it is anything about rules. He is little more than a baby!! If he was double the age, or even a year older, it would be different.

( I do not 'claim' to work for a charity, I do work for a charity as a volunteer and it isn't one that calls for me to be charitable! Not all charities do!)

SatinSandals · 26/11/2013 21:35

Maybe OFSTED will take the sensible view that he isn't ready being a typical 2year old!

Original poster
scoobysnac · 26/11/2013 21:39

Bogeyface my son would be the 11th youngest in decending age out of a class of 41.

Unfortunately I think that it may be my sons personality he's very independent. Never disruptive but he has his own mind. I think he's probably just a square peg trying to be put into a round hole. I feel from the ht comments that any child that does not conform will be stifled.

No spaces left in any local nurseries so I will have to be polite as I am capable of being.

OP posts:
HaroldTheGoat · 26/11/2013 21:41

Seeing as only five children from a nursery aren't doing it all the other 2 year olds must be managing fine.

I don't understand why you wouldn't get it. Leaving a small number of children out of some Christmas fun then expecting them to sit in an audience and watch their friends dressed up and singing really is harsh.

I've never heard of it happening.

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout · 26/11/2013 21:45

No O.P you're not being unreasonable at all. You're just being a mum.
I have to say I wonder what Ofsted would think of a child being excluded. xxx

Rosa · 26/11/2013 21:46

A class of 41 children all under 3 ( well 40 )all doing a nativity .. Sounds like it will be organised chaos anyway... They will be preparing as well I presume so the Ops ds is to sit and watch whilst he has been a part of the practice that will surely be harder for him to understand. I agree with bogeyface .. OP complain and loudly!

pigletmania · 26/11/2013 21:47

I agree Harold, it's rant to be festive fun not a blooming sage production. Nursery shoud manage with every Chid, even if it's being a cloud in te background. It's the principle that is very wrong! And to expect them to watch whist ther friends are in the play and they are not, how cruel. Op ds is early 3, so yes he probably will have some self awareness, and may well wonder why he's not in it. If I remember rightly op said he woud notice and be upset by it

pigletmania · 26/11/2013 21:48

Stage doh

JugglingFromHereToThere · 26/11/2013 21:55

It's a shame they can't do something more inclusive and less ambitious - and more developmentally appropriate for the whole age group. When DS was at nursery school they asked parents in to watch a selection of Christmas songs, with children in lovely costumes. It was great and very memorable Smile
There will be plenty of other nativity possibilities OP
You could get involved at your local church for a really authentic and special atmosphere?

SatinSandals · 26/11/2013 22:08

That is the best solution, juggling, do something appropriate for all, costumes and songs where they can join in or sit with mum would be much better because they could opt in and out. ( I don't know why we are talking about classes as if it is school)
The mind boggles at trying to do a play with parts with under 3 year olds.
If you want a nativity the local church would be a better option with all ages so that the older cast could look after the real tinies.
You could do a lovely thing with all of them- much better IMO. And keep it simple.

nf1morethanjustlumpsandbumps · 26/11/2013 22:18

YANBU as I mentioned on another thread something similar happened my DS several years ago, the kids in his case all had SEN during rehearsals they were left with an assistant and the day of the performance we were told to keep them at home as they were not capable of being part of the show. Two years later and I'm still hurt about what happened.

Take heart though two years down the line and a change of environment later he is playing Joseph and I know for a fact I'm unreasonably proud and excited. I would look for a new nursery though I know the change for my DS was amazing his confidence and behaviour improved very quickly.

pigletmania · 26/11/2013 23:34

I agree juggling, they are trying to be too ambitious and in the process have lost their way

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