Excluded from school nativity

[scoobysnac]

I have just been advised by my sons teacher that he not be participating in the school nativity play due to his attention issues. He will be 3 in January. He has been in 2 other productions at a previous nursery and he was extremely attentive and performed well.

They have said he can come and watch but I don't think it's fair for home to do that in the circumstances. I have discussed this with friends and I laws and they are all really shocked that the nursery would do this.

I was extremely upset earlier today but now I'm just angry that the nursery would put their production above a child's happiness. Rather ironic that it's a nativity and they are acting extremely unchristian.

It's not like he was auditioning for a part and did not win. That would be explainable to an older child but he's 2 years old and will feel left out if all his friends are taking part.

I did post this on another thread and receive pd some very scathing remarks inferring my vanity has been hurt. This is not the case. I just don't feel it's acceptable to exclude a 2 year of for lack of concentration.

Am I being unreasonable to demand they give him a part especially in view of the expensive fees they charge.

Szeli was just chatting with my cousin about this, she is in Canada and it is even more political over there with who gets what part, and she asked if the congregation realised they were Jedis. Thinking about it, perhaps they thought they were just matching wise men! Although what they thought of the Yoda wise man I am not sure, he did Yoda type lines and it was bloody brilliant, it was the only time I wished that my DS had had another kids part! "Myrrh brought you have I, hmmm yes".

I cant do it justice, but it went down a storm with the teens!

I think it's harsh! Surely all kids could have a little part, the sheep idea sounded lovely. My DS is a real wanderer and he's an elf. I fancy there will be loads of elves.

It's all very well for certain people to say O.P is being unreasonable to feel upset that her child is being excluded but I ask you all with that view. How would you feel if it were your child? Please answer honestly...
As far as I'm concerned there's no excuse need or reason to exclude any child from any thing. What O.P describes is discrimination. Her D.C is being stop from participating in an activity because of his age. He is just a little baby for heaven's sake. How much attention is a 2 year old expected to have. For the record .O.P, No you're not being unreasonable, you're just being a mum.

I do feel however that your post would have been better suited to the parenting thread, where you very probably would have got a more sympathetic and understanding response. xxx

Your not being unreasonable AT ALL.

Only 5 excluded but coming to watch all their friends in costumes having fun? HARSH.

My eldest was 18 months when she did her first nativity - dresses as a sheep up on stage - toddler group and pre-school production.

The other did them from around 2 - toddler group based at another per-school. They dresses up and snag a few songs.

They all did nursery nativities at 3 - younger two part of wider school plays.

I think they suggestion that a DC should sit in the audience not understanding why they are left out while their friends are up on stage - is a bit worrying. All mine at 2 nearly 3 would have understood being left out.

Considering their other comments I'd be concerned. I wish I'd moved eldest to a different pre-school - everyone told me it wasn't long for her to be there and I was worrying to much. The difference to her when she actually started school was massive - a happy included keen DC.

My son was in a nativity about that age. He was so intrigued by what the others were doing that he stood on stage, with his back to the audience, watching them. No-one minded, I don't think.

I think if you are a setting with a range of ages, then you should plan a type of performance where everyone can have a role. My kid's school usually has the little ones sit in the audience with their mums and dads, then get called forward at a crucial moment to sing Twinkle twinkle little star - then returned to doting parents. Seems to work.

What, 2 year olds in nativity plays - the world's gone mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Far too young for this guff, too young to even remember anything about it unless paranoid mother takes loads of photos and reminds the DC year on year of what they've missed.

Out of your tree, forget about it and don't go, why should a 2 year old want to watch a play, go to the park instead and do what DC wants not what you wish there are years and years of this to come get a grip

He can come & watch-why would he want to?

If he could sit through it, surely he could be in it?

Sounds shit tbh.

Errr, I find it very strange that the OP is being criticised for the Nursery putting on a nativity play for the little ones... She can't actually tell them not to can she? Or have I missed something, is the OP actually in charge of the nursery?!

Anyway, I do think the nursery ate bonkers putting on a play for all ages, ours does just the top class and that seems to work well.

however as the nursery have decided to do this nativity, why on earth should the OP be ok with them excluding her child? Especially as they seem to be pushing a SN label on the child (far too early to tell ADHD), the they are excluding due to SN... And that is discrimination. Nasty stuff. How can they justify it to themselves? Ugh.

I think your issue is bigger than the nativity, and you need to be looking for a new nursery. Goodness knows how they are treating him everyday... At 2 they can be very effected by bad nursery staff.

The nursery my DDs went to included children as soon as they could walk - DD2 was very nearly in it when she was 10 months old only she was teething so horrendously at the time that we agreed she should be in the audience with me where she could bf through the whole thing whilst DD1 did her bit. A year later she was a sheep, and there were younger ones than she was in the production. All the staff were on stage with the little ones, hugging, distracting and providing snacks, and where chaos broke out it was all part of the deal. That's how it should be done.

And at primary, everyone was in the nativity - even if they were only angels and stars.

Am I missing something? What the heck is wrong with a 2 year old being in a little nursery play? DS is having a lovely time learning & singing all the songs, it's a nice bit of fun.

Or shall I call them forthwith and demand he's not in it and is sat in the corner wearing a hair shirt for the duration?

It's only a bit of fun at Christmas time. Bloody hell.

Only on mumsnet.

That is a bit crap ... Our pre-school nativity was utter bedlam, all the kids wandering off/ picking their noses/ fiddling with the one in front's antlers/ singing the wrong song etc. It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen!

DP's Weeping Angles photo - two ranks of howling tinsel-clad toddlers with DS1 thoughtfully chewing his wings in the center - is framed on Grandma's sideboard

I'd be wondering about a new nursery too ...

There are 60 plus DC in reception at my DC school- plus the additional 30 from nursery. 90 + to include.

They all do the class singing then the all have some kind of additional part / group part- musical instrument, dancers, angles, sheep, Shepherds, innkeepers and spouses, kings and their servants , standing on stage in customer, narrator - something.

Often the main parts - Mary, Joseph are none speaking and speaking come from other parts - sheep, aliens, dogs, travelers.

Similar set up at DN school.

I thought that was normal.

Everyone involved at least till KS2 - when they start to audition for the parts or don't do the Nativity plays anymore.

I'm really looking forward to the carnage! Elf riots predicted. Fighting elves, and elves generally gone wrong!

In those 90 + there are some DC with some serious SEN issues - they are managed appropriately by the staff every year and take part with everyone else.

My DC toddler and per-schools, several different locations, dealt with DC younger than 2 in the nativity plays.

Obviously it won't scar a DC for life being excluded at 2 - but I don't get why anyone would do that.

I don't think it is right that a child so young should be excluded for lack of concentration skills.
I think it is disgusting and speaks volumes on the quality of the setting.

At DDs' nursery ALL the children got to take part in the Nativity, but the older ones tended to get a few lines to remember. They managed to include several children with additional needs, so I think the OP is NBU. Terrible to exclude just one child.

The nativity will have the pleasure of some residents from the local military hospital so I think they don't want any children who are independent and may make them look silly.

But it is so much more interesting with free thinking children doing their own thing on the stage! I bet the residents from the hospital could not care less if it goes to 'plan' or not, they will probably just enjoy cute children dressing up for Christmas. I do think the nursery are being very PFPerformance here!!

I don't think YABU

All the little ones should have a part (even if they are only on stage for a minute)

In my infants schools nativity (and yes I know they are four) they come on for a dance (as angels, so cute!!! Sorry couldn't help that) and then watch the show or come on as sheep and then sit and watch the show.

No child is ever left out ( unless they don't want to do it)

I think the nursery are acting like they are putting on a professional production in the West End. Nursery Nativities are differing degrees of shambolic, but it's cute, that's the point, which they seem to have missed by a country mile.

My son has never been involved in his primary school's nativity but I don't think he would get much out of it and might become overwhelmed and distressed. If I thought he would enjoy it then I would be pushing for it.

I also don't think you are being unreasonable. I would be looking for a new nursery. I would not bother complaining to them though. It sounds a pretty crap nursery.

Thank you all those who have been sympathetic. I really appreciate it.

Another one here who thinks all children should be included. We do a nativity for reception. Year 1 and year 2- so this year we will have 140 children. Every single one will have a 'part', even if they don't have a line to say they will stand up on stage/in front of it so their parents will see. We tend to have a lot of stars, trees, angels, animals etc in our nativities! And every child regardless of SEN is included or at least given the chance to take part if they wish. One year we invented a part that needed to wear a school uniform for one child with ASD who didn't like dressing up. And one year I remember a child with then undiagnosed ADHD flashing as the head teacher made her speech at the end. All part of the fun! To be honest, it's a success if nobody cries and everybody's pants stay dry!

I am at a loss as to why you want a toddler to be in a play. He won't mind in tne least. I said on my last thread that my 3yr old was a shepherd and spent the whole play in tne audience watching on his grandfather's knee. It left them one shepherd short. He was too little. They know your DC will not co operate and keep still. He isn't alone, there are others not taking part. He has lots of years ahead to take part in plays when he at least knows what a play is!