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AIBU?

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Original poster

Excluded from school nativity

252 replies

scoobysnac · 25/11/2013 21:30

I have just been advised by my sons teacher that he not be participating in the school nativity play due to his attention issues. He will be 3 in January. He has been in 2 other productions at a previous nursery and he was extremely attentive and performed well.

They have said he can come and watch but I don't think it's fair for home to do that in the circumstances. I have discussed this with friends and I laws and they are all really shocked that the nursery would do this.

I was extremely upset earlier today but now I'm just angry that the nursery would put their production above a child's happiness. Rather ironic that it's a nativity and they are acting extremely unchristian.

It's not like he was auditioning for a part and did not win. That would be explainable to an older child but he's 2 years old and will feel left out if all his friends are taking part.

I did post this on another thread and receive pd some very scathing remarks inferring my vanity has been hurt. This is not the case. I just don't feel it's acceptable to exclude a 2 year of for lack of concentration.

Am I being unreasonable to demand they give him a part especially in view of the expensive fees they charge.

OP posts:
SolomanDaisy · 27/11/2013 15:37

Oh and my DS is definitely at the fidgety, can't sit still or do what he's told end of the spectrum at his preschool. If they did nativities here and excluded anyone it would be him! Luckily they don't.

SatinSandals · 27/11/2013 17:15

Not letting a 3and a half year old take part, whatever their development, is very different from not letting a 2 year old take part.
Maybe I haven't understood the chronology,but it would seem to me that it is better to have a nursery where he is happy, but they think the average 2 year old isn't ready for a production, than one where he wasn't happy but he took part in 2 productions.
I think he would be quite happy if you explained that Tom, James,Ruby, Mia and Harry (whatever the names) were not doing it either and they would all have a turn next year. (Not to mention the year after that and the year after that)

CheshirePanda · 27/11/2013 20:35

I agree with OP. Who cares if the Nativity is chaotic? Every child should be included, that is far more important than anything else.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 28/11/2013 09:35

But they need to choose a Christmas celebration that is appropriate for the children's age and development, and that can easily incorporate a degree of flexibility and informality, such as young children going off to see their parents in the audience and possibly later joining in again with something else.
I think this sort of thinking is lacking in this nursery, also shown by talk of classes and teachers, as well as trying to put on a nativity play with tinies.
Nurseries need to be confident in developing their own traditions and not just copying school formats - there will be time enough for all that when children start reception/ infant school/ KS1

SatinSandals · 28/11/2013 10:39

That is why I keep posting, Juggling, I agree with you 100% and I wouldn't choose that nursery.
He isn't in a class, he isn't in school, he is little more than a baby and I can't see why they need to copy school.
They can have a Christmas production that means dressing up and inviting parents, but it needs flexibility and to be completely informal. The one they are doing needs weeks of preparation and reliable key players who will not let them down on the day. My son being on a knee in the audience just meant one shepherd less, and luckily they were not silly enough to put him as Joseph or a king and have to do the Nativity with Mary as a single parent or 2 kings!
I can't see why anyone wants their 2 year old to have hours of rehearsal for something they don't understand where they may well get 'stage fright' on the day. I can quite see why my 3yr old chose sitting cosily on his grandfather's knee to standing on stage in uncomfortable dress and all eyes on him- many small children would make that choice!
There is no need to grow up so quickly, there are lots of years to be in plays.
I would question why the nursery want to put on that sort of production rather than why they are excluding those they don't think can cope.
I would always make the activity suit the children rather than make the children fit the activity. If 5 or 6 are 'not ready' do something different.
(The fact that the other nursery put in 2 productions with little tots and he was miserable there is maybe a clue to why)
If the Nativity is so important I would try Sunday School, and at least it would be all ages, and a responsible 8/9 year old would probably be quite happy to look after and guide a tiny.

Jasper1965 · 13/12/2016 02:54

My grandson was excluded from the school Christmas play he took part in the afternoon but his parents where going to see him in the evening one but when his mum went to pick him up they told her not to take him back in as he was silly! He is a bit of a handful but what is that teaching a child ! It would be a sad world if we all turned our backs on children for being silly

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 13/12/2016 04:37

ZOMBIE THREAD

It's three years old!

Peanutandphoenix · 13/12/2016 05:26

OP get him out of that nursery fast before they have a chance to slap a label on him he's a 2 yo being just that a 2 yo how many other things are they not allowing him to do. My niece started at a YMCA preschool when she was 2 and we all thought it was great even though she cried every time we took her there and refused to stay when she got moved to a nursery attached to a school we found out what the problem was they where taking her off us and shoving her in a room on her own and closing the door on her until she had stopped crying no wonder she wet herself every time she was in there she refused to go to the toilet and was frightened of the room that they put her in we where always getting complaints about her wetting herself am not surprised they had frightened the poor thing she loves nursery she goes skipping in without so much as a backward glance now but she only felt able to tell us about this room that she got put in when she realised that her new nursery didn't have one. Pull your DS out of that nursery before they do some serious harm with labels that he doesn't need.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 13/12/2016 07:40

He's not two - he will be at school by now!!

longdiling · 13/12/2016 07:43

Zombie thread!

Jasper you would be better off starting your own thread about your grandson. People are just going to end up answering the original post from 2013.

Crumbs1 · 13/12/2016 08:13

I think it is horrible to exclude from nativity at nursery age. He won't suffer as a result but relationship,with parents will. As people say it's not exactly the West End and tinies getting it wrong is all part of it. Mean spirited of them.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/12/2016 08:15

I think it is unacceptable, and I cannot believe the bitchy and catty responses on here from some, it is disgusting! If you believe op is not genuine, you report her, until then, you don't know so lets assume she is genuine, until MN tell you otherwise!

It is disablist and unacceptable! All children should be included if they want. Would they exclude a child in a wheelchair? No certainly not, so why a child who has other SN. I would talk to the manager, if not, complain to Ofstead. My dd 9 has ASD, Learning difficulties, but in her mainstream school play, they found a little part for her, she was a star, and had a helper with her when she was in foundation year. She is now in a lovely ASD specialist school, and doing very well.

purplefizz26 · 13/12/2016 08:26

I'm shocked at the replies on here. What a bitchy lot.

The nursery are being so unreasonable, he is 2! 2 ffs!

Every child should take part regardless of behaviour and attention span, it's not like auditioning in high school.

Mammylamb · 13/12/2016 08:30

Are 2 year olds actually expected to have a long attention span and sit properly and behave? I've been to a lot of toddler groups and all I'm sure toddlers do is run around screaming and hitting things.

Mammylamb · 13/12/2016 08:30

Oh and Yanbu

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 13/12/2016 08:31

^^

This thread is older than the child in question was when this was posted.....

ZOMBIE THREAD!!

Sparklingbrook · 13/12/2016 08:34

Oh dear. Another ZOMBIE resurrection. I assume all is well with the OP by now....

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 13/12/2016 08:55

Both my dc were in short nativity plays at nursery, every child had something to do and regardless of this thread or the op's original thread, which I didn't read, I think that's how it should be, its not the west end. They shouldn't be exclusive about who can join in.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 13/12/2016 08:57

Argh! Zombie

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 13/12/2016 08:58
Xmas Blush
Aeroflotgirl · 13/12/2016 09:01

Oh sorry zombie thread, doh, I usually look at the date first before posting, but missed it this morning.

randomeragain · 13/12/2016 09:15

is this real? It can't be can it? How can babies audition for parts? How can they understand the nativity and how the hell can a toddler be said to have difficulties because he/she can't " concentrate"

randomeragain · 13/12/2016 09:16

ah I have been zombied

grannytomine · 13/12/2016 09:36

To all the people saying he won't care or their children wouldn't want to do it can I ask how you are so sure that he won't care or that he won't want to do it. Children are all different, so your child wouldn't want to be in it, fine don't let them but just because yours wouldn't care or wouldn't want to be in it that doesn't mean every child is the same.

The OP knows her child, at a month off 3 mine would all have known they were being left out, some would have cared and some wouldn't. This is about the OPs child not yours.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 13/12/2016 09:50

He probably doesn't give too much of a shit now - IT WAS THREE YEARS AGO!!!!