Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Excluded from school nativity

252 replies

scoobysnac · 25/11/2013 21:30

I have just been advised by my sons teacher that he not be participating in the school nativity play due to his attention issues. He will be 3 in January. He has been in 2 other productions at a previous nursery and he was extremely attentive and performed well.

They have said he can come and watch but I don't think it's fair for home to do that in the circumstances. I have discussed this with friends and I laws and they are all really shocked that the nursery would do this.

I was extremely upset earlier today but now I'm just angry that the nursery would put their production above a child's happiness. Rather ironic that it's a nativity and they are acting extremely unchristian.

It's not like he was auditioning for a part and did not win. That would be explainable to an older child but he's 2 years old and will feel left out if all his friends are taking part.

I did post this on another thread and receive pd some very scathing remarks inferring my vanity has been hurt. This is not the case. I just don't feel it's acceptable to exclude a 2 year of for lack of concentration.

Am I being unreasonable to demand they give him a part especially in view of the expensive fees they charge.

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 25/11/2013 21:45

I doubt nursery would have let my ds take part at 2. Short attention span. He's been excluded from a few things at pre school over the past year for this reason. At nearly 4 he has a small part in the nativity. I feel ok with the way pre school have handled things in the year he has been with them, and I trust their judgement. I'm surprised you have such a problem with it. Your ds is 2. So young.

HumphreyCobbler · 25/11/2013 21:45

Why on EARTH would you leave any child out of the nativity? However much they failed to concentrate? It is a very odd thing to do and I think it is mean of them.

gordyslovesheep · 25/11/2013 21:45

a 2 year old with attention issues ...that's just a two year old!

are they mad or just mean?

phantomnamechanger · 25/11/2013 21:46

he's 2 and he's already been in 2 other productions??

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 25/11/2013 21:46

Have you thought of sending the nursery copies of your son's previous critical reviews following the previous two 'productions'?

I'd be having words with his agent, he's obviously not working hard enough on his behalf.

BrianTheMole · 25/11/2013 21:47

Its not as if he's the only one, there are 5 others as well?

Original poster
scoobysnac · 25/11/2013 21:47

Yes 5 others I think they were vague. We have been advised it's to early to diagnose if he has adhd but the nursery are involved in this along with hv. He's just a boisterous 2 year old that has mountains of energy and cannot sit still for more than 5 minutes. Like every 2 year old I'm told except none of those children seem to live around here or go to his nursery. They said he runs around too much. Another remark was that they 'bet his splashes around in the bath'!!!! Don't all kids do that. Anyway I'm going off in a tangent.

OP posts:
BettyBotter · 25/11/2013 21:47

YANBU although brave to post on AIBU

One of the most beautiful nativity scenes I've seen was at one of our school's standard xmas dos. One of the angels had Downs and she clearly enjoyed every second of her performance, she kept wriggling away from her TA and escaping on to the stage. She twirled round and round until they stopped trying to contain her and just let her join in in her own way. It was very moving.

There's absolutely no reason that they couldn't somehow incorporate your ds taking into account his needs. I'm fairly shocked they would do this.

thebody · 25/11/2013 21:48

AngiBolen Grin

op maybe because he's been in other performances it's other children's turn?

thebody · 25/11/2013 21:49

there are 5 others, oh come on op have a grip.

phantomnamechanger · 25/11/2013 21:49

Another remark was that they 'bet his splashes around in the bath'!!!!

seriously????? hahahahahahahahaha daftest thing I have ever heard

ManifestoMT · 25/11/2013 21:51

That's awful Scooby snack. It sounds like a complete Linda snell is in charge of the production.

Everyone knows at that age a nativity is for the parents and not the kids and especially not the preschool. Is it going to be a North Korean production with tiny children drilled within an inch of their lives?

It also raises red flags about the rest of the school. Is it just the person who is putting the play on or is this representative of the manager.

You child won't be damaged by this luckily but you will as I would be pondering on the unfairness for years.

The more I think of it the more unfair and unnecessary it is to exclude 5 children.

BalloonSlayer · 25/11/2013 21:51

So a 2 year old hasn't got a fantabulous attention span?

And they are telling the parent that they are not "participating in the school nativity play due to his attention issues."

Confused

Every nativity play I have been to - the ones that have been any good anyway - have been an absolute riot of:

  • children looking in the wrong direction when supposed to be doing something
  • children cast as narrator "because of their clear voice and confidence" bursting into tears and refusing to utter another word (DD) after 2 lines.
  • children puking
  • child (DS) ruining efforts of staff trying to clear up puke (see above) discreetly, by exclaiming "Urrrrrrrrgh!!!" with three exclamation marks, at the top of their voice during otherwise reverent part of nativity
  • child doing a beautiful dance with pirouette, during which skirt and knickers suddenly descend rapidly, to be whipped up in 2/3 of a second by experienced teacher to mass hilarity of parents while child itself fails to even notice.

Your nursery sounds up its own arse TBH

Bogeyface · 25/11/2013 21:51

Well it does seem to miss the point of the nativity to exclude a child (or even 5 children) because they might mess about a bit, thats the fun of nativity, the child picking its nose or scratching its bum!

What happened to " “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God." I dont recall Jesus saying "apart from the really little ones, they might get bored and mess about"

WooWooOwl · 25/11/2013 21:51

It depends on the set up of the play I think.

My first thought is that a bunch of two year olds should only be doing a few songs, maybe with some actions if they remember. But if this is a nursery that has older four year olds in it with lines then it would be unfair to them if there was a child that wouldn't sit still for it. If that is what's happening then they should really re think having all the children performing at the same time.

BrianTheMole · 25/11/2013 21:52

He's just a boisterous 2 year old that has mountains of energy and cannot sit still for more than 5 minutes. Like every 2 year old

Oh I don't know. I was well aware that my 2 year old was a little more boisterous than average putting it mildly. He has improved a lot at nearly 4, but he's still a handful.

optimusic · 25/11/2013 21:53

So erm, 6 children are not able to participate in the play?

Good luck when he reaches primary and he is excluded again, because well, not everyone gets a part. Or he doesn't get the leading part because, well, there's better talent in the school.

ArbitraryUsername · 25/11/2013 21:54

I think it's a bit crap too. A nursery should not be doing things that exclude some of the children. It's not like it's supposed to be good. The joy of a nursery nativity is the hilarious things the wee performers do.

hazeyjane · 25/11/2013 21:54

Whether it is 5 children or just 1, the nursery should be including everyone.

My ds not only has a very short attention span, he also can't speak but I wouldn't expect his preschool to say he can't be in the Xmas concert because he can't join in with the singing and will probably wander around a bit!

ManifestoMT · 25/11/2013 21:55

Yep what balloon slayer said

Well up their own arse

Bogeyface · 25/11/2013 21:55

OP you need to change that nursery pronto. My 2 year old does everything yours does and more! I have 6 kids and they have all been like at at aged 2 and DS is still like that at aged 8!

I would not be allowing my child to be labelled as potentially having a condition purely on the basis that he isnt some Stepford Child. I sent my 4th and 5th DCs to a nursery like that and withdrew them after a term, because they clearly didnt like children capable of independent thought!

ArbitraryUsername · 25/11/2013 21:55

And the sensible thing to do at nursery is to have the 3 and 4 year olds perform their own nativity for their own parents, and the other rooms to do their own age-appropriate thing.

Only1scoop · 25/11/2013 21:56

What if in a few years time he doesn't get to dress up in an old curtain as Joseph....or a Wise man bringing G,F or M....

harticus · 25/11/2013 21:58

They said he runs around too much. Another remark was that they 'bet his splashes around in the bath

OP get him out of there.
There are people running pre-schools who shouldn't be let within a mile of young kids.

When my DS was 3 the nursery he attended accused him of invading other children's space.
He had gone up to a child in the playground and held her hand. Hmm

I was then told he was wilfully destructive because he had scribbled in his notebook. Strange that what with him being 3 years old FFS.

The final straw was when they handed me his "report" in which they suggested he should explore his emotions using puppets.

We were out of the door within seconds.

If they are a doing a nativity thingy then of course all the kids should be in it.

ArbitraryUsername · 25/11/2013 21:58

Not being Joseph or whatever is not the same as not being in the bloody thing at all. There can only be one Joseph, but there can be oodles of angels etc.