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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Excluded from school nativity

252 replies

scoobysnac · 25/11/2013 21:30

I have just been advised by my sons teacher that he not be participating in the school nativity play due to his attention issues. He will be 3 in January. He has been in 2 other productions at a previous nursery and he was extremely attentive and performed well.

They have said he can come and watch but I don't think it's fair for home to do that in the circumstances. I have discussed this with friends and I laws and they are all really shocked that the nursery would do this.

I was extremely upset earlier today but now I'm just angry that the nursery would put their production above a child's happiness. Rather ironic that it's a nativity and they are acting extremely unchristian.

It's not like he was auditioning for a part and did not win. That would be explainable to an older child but he's 2 years old and will feel left out if all his friends are taking part.

I did post this on another thread and receive pd some very scathing remarks inferring my vanity has been hurt. This is not the case. I just don't feel it's acceptable to exclude a 2 year of for lack of concentration.

Am I being unreasonable to demand they give him a part especially in view of the expensive fees they charge.

OP posts:

SolomanDaisy · 25/11/2013 22:12

There's no way I would let anyone attempt to have my 2 year old in a nativity. He'd be hopping on and off the stage after a few minutes. He loves to sing and dance and is ultra confident, but he's 2. He's not capable of being in any sort of stage production. I think they've made the right decision on the nativity, but describing a 2 year old as having attention problems is bizarre.

Bogeyface · 25/11/2013 22:12

Thank you HeartB, I know have a JCSS ear worm!

Jinsei · 25/11/2013 22:12

Good luck when he reaches primary and he is excluded again, because well, not everyone gets a part. Or he doesn't get the leading part because, well, there's better talent in the school.

I've never been to a primary school production where some children are excluded. Sure, they don't all get speaking parts, but they do all get to participate.

I really don't get why the OP is getting such a hard time here. She isn't upset that he hasn't got a lead role, but because he's been completely excluded - totally different in my view! And because he apparently has a poor attention span. He's two FFS!

I am amazed that anyone thinks a nursery production should be anything other than completely inclusive.

Bogeyface · 25/11/2013 22:14

now not know !

SomethingkindaOod · 25/11/2013 22:14

That sounds too cute!
Just thinking about DS's Christmas play in nursery, the teacher put the likely refusers and more boisterous children in as shepherds, animals and angels and gave them something to hold to keep them occupied. DS was a sheep and point blank refused to go on stage at all and held some pretend hay iirc.
What would worry me is that if he is being excluded in the play is he being singled out at any other time while in their care? Inclusion is a big word for OFSTED, if it's not being out into practice then it is deeply concerning.

ArbitraryUsername · 25/11/2013 22:14

Oh, the residents of the local military hospital absolutely want to see toddlers doing hilarious toddlers things while the staff sing nativity songs. They do not want a perfect, west end production.

The residents of the nursing home DS2's nativity toured adored all the stuff everyone loves in nativities: the children getting bored, being dressed as a spaceman, the crazy donkey who pogos throughout the entire thing exuberantly (DS2's interpretation of the donkey role), etc.

TSSDNCOP · 25/11/2013 22:15

My DS was in the nursery Christmas production at 2. I wish he hadn't been. Because he was in attentive and fidgety he was virtually restrained by a helper. It was miserable for him, and made me all hot and sad to watch it.

softlysoftly · 25/11/2013 22:19

I think they are batshit doing a "play" at that age

A few Christmas songs they can all get wrong and a nominal bunch of angels sheep etc and you should be done. Oh and if you are at DDs preschool the boy dressed as Joseph should go for a really stinky, long, loud poo in the loo behind the stage halfway through then Yell his bright red faced mum to wipe his bum

I'd change preschool they sound horrible tbh.

Bogeyface · 25/11/2013 22:19

I am also appalled at the way they are trying to plonk ADHD labels on him. There is a reason that it is notoriously hard to diagnose, its because kids are kids and some kids are more like kids than other kids!

Google for an ADHD checklist or symptom list and you could tick every box for the majority of 2 year olds and only a very small % of them will actually go on to be diagnosed with the condition. Because to be fidgety, lacking concentration, unable to share, unable to sit for more than a couple of minutes is what toddlers do!

ArbitraryUsername · 25/11/2013 22:20

The problem there TSS is the staff not putting on a 2 year old friendly production, rather than anything else. You'd think that people who spend all day with toddlers would be able to anticipate a significant proportion of them not sitting still etc, and would have better ideas than physically restraining them.

Other nurseries do a lovely job of small children and Christmas 'shows' because they design them around the children rather than anything else.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 25/11/2013 22:20

I can't see how it would be any better if you took him along to watch?

Surely he'd just be trying to wriggle out of your grasp to try and get to the stage and join his sheepy mates....

It all sounds a bit crap really.

I'd be tempted to take him anyway - dressed up in a massive silver lurex star outfit with flashing led lights and let him run riot while you sit at the back playing candy crush with two fingers up.

Original poster

scoobysnac · 25/11/2013 22:26

Wally thanks for your comment, I was thinking if going, he will def run up on stage and sing rudolph songs.

OP posts:

AngelinaCongleton · 25/11/2013 22:27

I can't imagine any nursery my children went to doing that. That's really poor. I'm sure your 2 year old won't be bothered but I'd think the nursery were crap. If they'd informed you in advance the wee ones were excluded then fine but to hand pick 5 kids to exclude seems a bit mental.

BackforGood · 25/11/2013 22:28

For me, the issue is that a 2yr old is attending school

Bogeyface · 25/11/2013 22:29

Scooby have you considered contacting OFSTED? Their attitude to this play, to your sons supposed behaviour issues and attitude in general would be very interesting to OFSTED. Its what they are their for and this sort of thing is exactly the type of issue that can easily be missed during inspections.

Bogeyface · 25/11/2013 22:30

Back I think it has been made clear that it is a nursery, not school....you know, what with there not being schools for 2 year olds

pigletmania · 25/11/2013 22:31

Yanbu this is not acceptable. I would be talking to te nursery manager. Op ds is 3, so might be mre aware that he is not taking part especially if they are practising in te run up to Christmas. My goodness he is only 3, of course his attention is nt going to be as god as a school age child!

BackforGood · 25/11/2013 22:32

Well, actually quite a lot of Private schools do take children who are 2, but then try to treat them like they are school age - can't say if the OP's school does, but just the fact that it's referred to as school hints it might be.

pigletmania · 25/11/2013 22:32

My Asd dd was included in all her mainstream nativity productions, actually all Chidren were

Pearlsaplenty · 25/11/2013 22:32

I definitely wouldn't attend the play without my dc in it. How boring would that be to watch other people's dc! I can't believe they suggested that.

badbelinda · 25/11/2013 22:33

Not much new to add, just that I agree YANBU. I would be really hurt on DS's behalf and can't understand why others on this thread think this is ok. I agree that putting on a nativity with 2yr olds sounds like a nightmare but the nursery have decided to do this so should accept that they need to cope with 2yr old behaviour and include everyone. More concerning is the fact that they're throwing around labels like ADHD at a ridiculously young age. Nobody with any sense (or qualifications) is going to seriously consider ADHD at this age. (FWIW there's good evidence that people who are restless and fidgety are less likely to develop obesity)

Original poster

scoobysnac · 25/11/2013 22:33

Was thinking of contacting ofsted but don't want to burn my bridges unless I can get him into another nursery which seems unlikely as all local ones are full.

OP posts:

pigletmania · 25/11/2013 22:35

Oh sorry 2, my goodness, teir attention will be nt so good at that age. Yes definitely go to The wager if no joy OFSTEAD. Ts the same as 1 Chid being excluded from a whole class party, only this is school sanctioned

Original poster

scoobysnac · 25/11/2013 22:37

Badbelinda thanks for your comment.

They did actually say today that they his running around is a problem and he has a problem with his fine motor skills as he cannot walk slowly !!! I think they just want children to sit at tables doing sticklebricks.

OP posts:

pigletmania · 25/11/2013 22:39

Scooby he is 2 fgs, a toddler, what do they expect. I seriously would be looking fr another nursery, Noway would I want my dc to go to a place like that

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