To wish feel a bit sad that my friends didn't even want to try breastfeeding?

[ClaireandGeorge]

I know I'm probably going to get flamed for this.
Saw a friend with her 3 day old baby and she was moaning as her boobs were engorged and sore and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad that, that milk was meant for baby.
I understand a lot of women try and struggle or have problems that mean they can't. I totally get breastfeeding is difficult.
Another friend didn't want to breastfeed as her partner had said her boobs were for sex.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I understand it's a free world and we can all choose to do as we so wish. I have absolutely nothing against formula and I know plenty of beautiful babies and children that have thrived on it. It's just that it makes me a bit sad that my friends have chosen to ignore mother nature and not even give it a go.

Same reasons as you. But also because of the health benefits, not just nutritional either. I lost all my baby weight in just a few weeks too.

The main reason I gave it a try was because I couldn't think of a hood reason not to

thatisall I did hope it might have the benefit of lost baby weight however I had what I now term as maternity leave spread. I was so tired I ate lots and lots of cake!

I did get a bit pressurised to BF by health professionals. The ante-natal group only talked about breastfeeding and it's (vital) importance. All the BF posters all over the place embedded themselves in my memory (your baby will be sickly and deprived if you FF, was the message, basically).

After the birth, midwives, nurses and the HV were trying to support me in continuing BF (that fecking box in the red book where they tick if baby ebf, mix fed or bottle fed haunted me for ages) by making me try different ways of making DS latch (although he was already latching OK) and attend breast feeding groups.

I think they should have recognised a bit earlier that none of that (very slight) pressure was doing me any good. I was crying out of guilt and frustration at the mere mention of BF, and I was quickly prescribed anti depressants, so it wasn't exactly hard to spot. I wish they would have said to me "look - we can see that this BF business is really detrimental to your mental health, so please do not feel any guilt in switching to formula. In fact we are strongly recommending you switch to formula now for the sake of you and your baby". Instead they kept telling me how I might regret it if I gave up BF entirely, and how it will all sort itself out eventually if I just went to enough support groups. I was exhausted and very, very, very depressed. I would have needed an army of staff/support at home to help me through BF, and obviously that was never going to happen. Still, no health professional would "absolve" me.

Obviously, there was the underlying problem of reflux which came to light/escalated in the second month. It could have had something to do with why DS wouldn't feed lying down and would only sleep with his head on my upper arm (elevated from the rest of his body), thus preventing me from getting any decent sleep. The health professionals never considered this.

BF never made me lose any weight at all. As an ED sufferer I was also desperate to get rid of my baby weight ASAP, and was convinced that BF was the (only) answer (like all the BF posters said). I wish I could have known it was bollocks. One thing less to stress about.

Mash, are you seriously saying you faced ignorance and prejudice from hv and gps because you were still breast feeding after a few weeks? If so, then all I can say is... That is bullshit!

I chose to breastfeed because...
I was curious because I had breasts and it just seemed like the natural thing to do;
and because I had read a great deal about the health benefits and;
and because it struck me as a very convenient way to feed.

And then, when I actually came to it, that final push before dd1 was born, I suddenly got this overwhelming primal urge to get my top off (a very rushed birth!) because I wanted my baby to enter the world and immediately be put to my breast. DH and I were both open mouthed with wonderment when within seconds dd1 was rooting around my breast. With both mine, I have mixed it up with a formula bottle at bedtime from early on. Turns out the convenience factor isn't that big a deal and, from what I understand, formula is nutritionally on par with breastfeeding and not as though ff fed children are known for their poor immune systems. However, and it is a massive HOWEVER, the nurturing and closeness of breast feeding is quite simply one if the most wonderful experiences in the world and I would do breastfeeding just for that reason alone, all other things being equal.

Excellent post, Mashpotatoandegg

Actually, some of us who EBF are made to feel like freaks. You'd be surprised at how hostile certain people can be. So while nobody likes the idea of a Breastapo, the message just isn't getting through that BF is healthier and shit loads cheaper. Only 1% still BF at 6 months when the WHO guideline is BF (with solids from 6 m obvs) til two years?!

It feels like we are going backwards in some ways. This ridiculously sexualised ideal of a woman's body in the media is partly to blame. Can you imagine the outrage if one day Page 3 had a topless woman breastfeeding? That might finally get page 3 banned.

Nobody should be made to feel guilt about how they choose to feed their child - but they should ask themselves why they feel their breasts are just for sex. That's a pretty important discussion women need to have moving forward.

rewind who are you to say that what mash says is bullshit?

I had a case of mastitis when dd was 6weeks and gp said I could have antibiotics but would need to stop bf. he recommended this as he said '6 weeks was long enough' ,

I ignored him and spoke to a much more helpful midwife at the same surgery who have me better advice and I bf until dd was 12 months.
I received ALOT of pressure to stop. Mainly from ff mothers at toddler groups and some members of my family. But never dd father. He managed appreciate the 'girls' despite their day job

Oh rewind, 'bullshit' really? I had DC (7 months) weighed this week and the hv went on about the need to introduce formula because of the added iron. Also she hinted that feeding DC at seven months at night was unnecessary and that I should drop those feeds now.

Not bullshit unfortunately.

However saying that formal is on par with bm is bullshit I'm afraid.

Claire I'll give you my reasons why I ff:

I find the idea of bf repellent (completely irrational)

Anything touching my boobs makes me cringe a bit

I had nightmares leading up to birth about a bloody, mucus covered alien type thing being delivered onto my belly and then crawling up and latching on (actual, real dreams)

I was pretty scared in general about becoming a mum and fucking things up (I am a very 'in control' type of person), and by ff I knew I would be able to track how much I was feeding and would be able to have a routine of sorts (tbh the idea of haphazard disorganisation makes me very anxious).

I wanted my husband to be as involved with everything as much as poss, including feeding (but this was maybe as a result of all the other reasons I have already mentioned)

As it happened, both my babies had reflux and were very exhausting, and I had pnd with my first which went undiagnosed for about 4 months. I dread to think of mentally how bad I would have been if I'd been bf aswell - as it was, my husband was able to take a great deal of the strain off me which quite frankly probably kept me and my boys alive (dramatic, but I really think it to be true)

I have never felt any guilt about not bf my children, because I didn't ever want to do it in the first place, and the intention was never ever there anyway - but I do get mightily offended when people make comment about how it is "crappy" to do your child the disservice of choosing to ff "without even trying to bf".

I appreciate what you are saying about why you felt a bit weepy today and it was nothing to do with bf/ff, but this post is in answer to your question about why people chose the feeding option they did.

Toys -

I feel bloody sorry for health professionals who are trying to support women who are massively ambivalent about breastfeeding but won't be honest about their feelings or intentions, basically because they want someone else to take responsibility for the decision to stop. Nobody forced you to breastfeed or told you you had to do it. Why did you need someone to tell you to stop? That is not their decision - it's YOURS.

But the weird thing is Monica, that if you'd had your babies in Norway, statistically, despite all your personal issues, the likelihood is you would have breastfed. At least for a few weeks.

In other words - there is vastly more than personal stuff involved in all this.

Can I also add, you don't know what breastfeeding would have felt like for you or your babies because you didn't do it. You can imagine, but sometimes imagination completely fails - there are many people who will tell you this.

You just don't know.

I breastfed my 1st for a few weeks, until it became too painful (yes I did try expressing).
Formula fed my 2nd and 3rd from birth, mainly because I found it much easier , more convenient and far less time consuming. I didn't have anyone to help, my husband wasn't at all supportive (when he was there, which was not at all by the 3rd birth). In any case, it's not in my nature to want to sit on the sofa breastfeeding all evening. I haven't got the patience and I would feel kind of trapped.No regrets and definitely no guilt.
Having said that ,if I was having a baby now I would probably attempt mixed feeding, at least for a little while, but I wasn't aware that was an option. I would never attempt to exclusively breast feed.

Monica I can so relate to some of your feelings/reasons.
Mine are I never felt particularly maternal. Never felt/feel broody when I see tiny babies (other than my own) My friends actually laughed at me and my approach to motherhood. As I used to say "to me it's a clinical procedure"....
My planned Ecs
My no to Bf
My desire of routines and procedures etc....

I adored my dd instantly. She thankfully took to formula instantly and I really have never felt an ounce of guilt. I didnt feel any pressure to bf from mw or hv etc....not sure being an older mum may have been a reason....

We all have varied opinions but at the end of the day we make our choices for many different reasons. Bf....ff as long as our dc are thriving and loved and cared for we should support each other as just mums.

Minifingers: I find you comment insulting, actually. At that time I was not fully capable of making my own decisions, tbh. I could have used the support/advice when I felt scared, pressurised and lost. Aren't health professionals meant to help by making recommendations, even recommending (horror of horrors) FF, if they see the clear need? Also, I was in now way secretive about my problems. Absolutely not.

I see what you are saying mini, but I really wouldn't have tried. I was very clear on that way before I gave birth.

There is another lady who posts a lot on these threads (OhForDUCKSCake) and on a thread ages ago she made a good point that resonated with me a lot re mothers passing on their feelings and reticence to bf to their children. She said about it being due to the massive shift back in the 60s towards ff, leading to the following generations following on from there.

My mum is anti bf (repulsed by it), and me and my sister have obviously picked up on this from her (my sister is exactly the same as me), my granny was apparently the same.

This is why I am firmly in favour of pushing the normalising of bf, then it will become self fulfilling as it is the natural option (ie "my mum did it, so naturally I will do it" sort of thing). But I do get heartily pissed off by the overly opinionated breastfeeders that have no inkling what it is like to be in someone else's mind!

monica I think that's really open and honest. interestingly I also like things to be ordered and organised and thats one of the things that put me off ff to begin with as I was worried I'd become too fixated.

Monica and Only1Scoop: I am the same when it comes to babies. Not broody AT ALL. I enjoy children when they are older. I wish I could give birth to a fully developed 5 year old.. (would have to be a CS, tbh )

Only1scoop

YY to not being a maternal person!

I love my own children with a passion, but feel nothing for other people's babies (apart from my sister's, but I gave them bottles etc when they were newborn so felt close to them).
I never get broody, (apart from the moments when I realise that my boys aren't my babies any more .

Motherhood was not a natural thing for me to do at all.

Why did I breastfeed? To be honest I never contemplated not breastfeeding. I know all the reasons for bfing - my NHS trust is big on bfing so I got the spiel at every ante natal appointment - but I did it because it felt like the right decision, for both of us. DC1 was combination fed from about 2 months because of birth complications, but I never felt any pressure to keep bfing - in fact most people were questioning why I continued to bf when she was happy to take a bottle.

Dc2 is EBF*, more through luck than design. We're both very happy about that. I wish other people would keep their opinions to themselves, but not a week goes by without someone telling me how I'm damaging my child, either physically or psychologically. Just as well I have a thick skin.

*Er, apart from solid food and water. So I guess EBF isn't the right term any more...

Only1scoop & Toys

Are we "FF frieeeends" now?!

Frieeend!

Ffweinds.....

I do think that some people are sort of waiting for someone to agree yes you could stop.

I know during the dreadful first month with DS1 which I wont go into, I was DESPERATE to breastfeed him and developed an obsession with it really, I needed someone to tell me the world was not going to end if he was given formula, before I made myself ill (er).

The trouble is, that people DO get defensive on using formula whatever the reason for it. And when you look at a few of the comments on this thread Im sure its not that hard to imagine why, so you do find yourself saying I FF DS and very quickly because of X and Y and the Dr/MW agreed.

Picking apart people FF is different from promoting and supporting BFing. It doesn't really help.

monica I really respect your honesty.

Oh please. Not not more FF vs BF. It's up to your friend how she feeds and is up to you how you feel about it. I happen to think women should stop having a pop at each other over this nonsense . We all know bf is better but its not the be all and end all. It's a free choice as to whether you BF and really doesn't warrent an opinion.