To wish feel a bit sad that my friends didn't even want to try breastfeeding?

[ClaireandGeorge]

I know I'm probably going to get flamed for this.
Saw a friend with her 3 day old baby and she was moaning as her boobs were engorged and sore and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad that, that milk was meant for baby.
I understand a lot of women try and struggle or have problems that mean they can't. I totally get breastfeeding is difficult.
Another friend didn't want to breastfeed as her partner had said her boobs were for sex.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I understand it's a free world and we can all choose to do as we so wish. I have absolutely nothing against formula and I know plenty of beautiful babies and children that have thrived on it. It's just that it makes me a bit sad that my friends have chosen to ignore mother nature and not even give it a go.

Bellini - I understand the point you are making as an individual mum, but at a wider social level there is something WRONG happening in the UK that such a large number of women don't even attempt breastfeeding. I assume Norwegian women are not completely dissimilar to us. They must have body image issues and breastfeeding problems too just like UK mums, but they breastfeed in much larger numbers and for much longer (98% leave hospital breastfeeding and most babies are still being breastfed at six months). Why do almost all women over there feel ok to try to breastfeed whereas over here 1 in 4 won't even do it once? What's going on with UK culture that makes breastfeeding unthinkable for so many mums?

It's not right that we just shrug our shoulders about it and say it doesn't matter, because at a national level it does matter.

Caitlin - 5 years of breastfeeding altogether and my breasts are really good, even at 47. I know other women who are the same.

I also know women who have never breastfed who have been left with envelope flaps after having children.

It really is genetic and is down to the pregnancy and not the feeding.

DC1 - I had no friends or family who breastfed and when i asked about it i got laughed at by some of them so being young and naive i went for the mainstream.

DC2 - I did my reading and found a group to help and I'm still breastfeeding 8.5 months on, although still with little support from friends and family.

I made my decisions based on my circumstances at the time and I'm glad i was able to do what fitted in with my life.

I do wish breastfeeding was the norm in or society but sally i don't think it is

Caitlin fair point, I hadn't thought that the oxytocin thing might be unpleasant for some. In which case it's completely understandable to stop based on that alone.... But it's not a reason I've ever come across to never even try.

I know some people won't like this post but this is a public forum and I'm entitled to my opinion.

I breastfeed my 2 year old and 4 month old and I hate it. Lost touch with most of my friends because of it. I can't go out by myself. My bobs are down to my knees and I'm only 22. I feel like a weird hippy by ALL the mums I know as NONE of them bf. Obviously I don't tell them I still bf my toddler. I think their heads would explode.

But. Bf is so much better for them, and for me that is reason enough to do it. I understand some people can't due to medication ect but everyone else should try/give colostrum.

Why wouldn't you give the colostrum? It's a few days max. Surely you're not going to be leaving the baby/drinking alcohol the first few days after having a baby?

So YANBU op. I think it's extremely sad. And I won't even comment on the 'boobs are for sex' comment.

Work - there is a particular deeply unpleasant feeling some women have when breastfeeding which is hormonally triggered. Lactation consultants and breastfeeding counsellors know about this - though it's not common. Not sure there is anything which can be done about it. Horrible.

But minifingers why do you care so much what other mothers do with their babies and bodies? I think the choice to bf is a personal one that really only affects those involved.... I honestly don't think I could ever get worked up over this issue. Even the breasts for sex comment is laughable... and their stupidity in the end, not anybody else's.

I personally get more upset over deteriorating maternity care in the NHS and lack of support over maternal choice... Ignorance over inoculation and it's dwindling numbers etc. etc.

Someone not bfing isn't of my concern.

After a very difficult first birth BF used to make me cry and not in a particularly happy way. I used to weep uncontrollably while I fed my baby, presumably a reaction to the oxytocin combined with exhaustion. Didn't happen second time round though.

I think it's ok to privately think it's a shame that we as a society don't see BF as the norm, it's not ok to berate individual women who choose not to do it. On the other hand it's also not ok to constantly tell a mum who is BF and doing her best how much easier things are and how well your baby sleeps, because they are FF. This happens to me and I think it is a big part of why so many women are frightened off BF - the myth that babies should be sleeping through the night at 6 weeks or so, which is unrealistic for the vast majority of babies, particularly if they are BF.

I did eventually enjoy bf but the start was hard. As ds got older and a bit more independent it was nice to still have that close time. I know I was lucky in that I didn't suffer engorgement or leak at all.
He slept through from about 7 months so I could have gone out had I wanted to. Obviously couldn't drink but that didn't really bother me.
My boobs are the same now as they were before.
I actually think there have been some very interesting points on here from the non extremists. I do think bf is very much in the minority now and not seen ad the norm. As ds got older health professionals always assumed he was ff.

To be sad privately. Ok I suppose if you wish and that is how you feel.
To post that on a public forum, personally I dont think you should. Not going to stop people though, is it.

If the thread and others like this were started, how can we help more mothers who want to to breastfeed, that is a different matter. I dont think many would object to that.

Another point. Can we really tell, and has it at all hindered any baby's health, which adults are ff and which are bf? Not to my knowledge.

I think it depends on where you live ClaireandGeorge. Bfing is definitely the norm around here. I know mothers who ff who would not feed in public because they feared negative comments. It is sad that mothers who bf and ff don't feel that they can feed in public because of negativity. I think everyone should just mind their own business.

It can depend on the area. Some areas are just bigger on BF/Ff than others. I really don't remember any issues BF in public or round people and I BF everywhere. When people say the UK doesn't have a BF culture or is a anti - I just don't really see it.

BF would be a norm in the city I live in too, not from where I'm from.

I think area makes a huge difference in that respect.

The original question is one of the most irritating, judgemental, none of your business I have seen . What exactly was the point of it other than to be smug about her own lactating abilities?

I can see nothing smug in the OP's original question, Caitlin17 and I think that's an unfair accusation to level at her. She's trying to understand the other pov, rather than just dismissing people who FF as lazy or uncaring as some really militant breast feeders do. So give her a break and maybe admit that your aversion to BFing is colouring your judgment.

YAB a bit U but not unreasonable for asking.

My friend is currently expecting a baby and is on medication which means she cannot breasteed. She has had advice from her consultant and midwife telling her this.....she is not mad keen to let other people know about her health issues so her simple response is "I have chosen to bottle feed".

Bit extreme point of view there Caitlin if you ask me? Do you usually get so offended by things posted on the Internet? I have said in many of my posts I am not against ff but was curious as to why people make their choices. Can't remember being smug about my lactating abilities? I actually said I found bf hard and didn't really comment on how long I bf for.
There has actually been some interesting points and conversations on here amongst the less extreme posters.

Mumsnet say that they are here to make parents' lives easier. But by continuing to post you are continually rubbing salt in wounds of mothers in general.
You care about baby. Do you care about the mother too?
Remember if you upset mums, you are also potentially impacting on babies too. And not in a good way.

Oh what a load of codswallop. Mumsnet is not an airy fairy all be nice to each other place and sadly neither is the real world as you are proving.
If people really base their decisions on life on what is said by a load of strangers on the Internet then they are the ones with the problem.
I have steered away from judging and the more extreme views.
As for continuing to post , ermm you did and so did others. I suggest you perhaps read all my posts before you make any more comments.

To be fair OP I felt a bit ragey when I read the OP but it was a bit clearer from your subsequent posts what you were getting at.

So OP is not trying to be an arse, sad though that threads like this do attract extreme views and then make people feel very defensive.

Claire as you say, it's not all sweetness and light so don't complain if, after having started a thread which had no point other than(a) having a pop at mums who don't bf and (b) then later allowed you the opportunity to post that you struggled but persevered, some one takes a pop back at you.

Claire you have not stayed away from judging. The whole point of your post was to judge, and hopefully be told you weren't being unreasonable.

When did I have a pop at mums that don't breastfeed though?