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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take them with me?

470 replies

Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 10:29

So my husband is away at the moment, he 'doesn't know' if he will be back tonight.
I've had to mess work around already this week and I dont think they could cope with me missing my shift tonight :(

My calls are in an incredibly rural location and its really safe round here.
WIBU to take the children? Make a little 'nest' in the back of the car and give them their bottles and put them down to bed in the large boot of our people carrier?

I could dress them up warm and I would only be out for around 2hours with them, checking back regularly and driving inbetween calls every half an hour or so?

I dont know what else to do!

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 20/11/2013 15:28

Clearly he sees the children as your responsibility and yours alone, Geckos. Something he needs to be brought up short on (although how, is anyone's guess).

BrandybuckCurdlesnoot · 20/11/2013 15:37

Gecko - you said you leave the car unlocked. What if the 3 year old lets themself (and the 1 yr old) out of their car seats and get out and goes for a wonder. It is not dangerous to take your children with you into a shop. There is more risk associated with leaving them in the car alone.

Joysmum · 20/11/2013 15:38

I really feel for you for being the one in your family that has to be flexible and fit in around your partners work, but sorry, that's not something I would do either.

RevengeWiggle · 20/11/2013 15:39

He's being an absolute prick, he's dreading coming home? Diddums to him. It should be his responsibility as much as yours.

steff13 · 20/11/2013 15:43

There is absolutely no way it is safer for me to get my two kids out of the car and take them into every shop with me. Its just a ludicrous suggestion.

This statement confuses me. How is it NOT safer to take your kids into stores with you than it is to leave them unattended in an unlocked vehicle? Here in the US leaving your kids unattended in a vehicle is considered neglect, even for a few minutes.

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 15:43

He doesnt see it that way.

I am comfortable leaving my children in the car to go into the shop. That isn't going to change. There is no more risk to them coming into the shop with me, they can get into all sorts of things in shops, especially when i need more than 3 items and have to carry a basket etc.

OP posts:
BrandybuckCurdlesnoot · 20/11/2013 15:47

You also have the risk of something happening to you in the shop. You being delayed for some reason and your children being left in the car for longer than you had anticipated. It is obviously down to you but you posted in AIBU and I do think you are being unreasonable to leave such young children in a car unattended and making it a regular occurrence.

I hope you can get it through to your husband that he was being out of order though.

steff13 · 20/11/2013 15:48

You don't have to take them in the store if you don't want to, but making the excuse that they can get into things in stores and it's no more risk to leave them in the car is silly. If you monitor them in the store, they won't get into things.

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 15:48

What could happen to me in the shop?

So I leave the kids in the car, I walk into the shop and I pick up a pint of milk, loaf of bread and milkybar. What will happen to me before I get back to the car?

OP posts:
BrandybuckCurdlesnoot · 20/11/2013 15:51

My husband collapsed in a shop and ended up being taken to hospital. That is an extreme example but it happens.

There could be a queue, there could be a fault with the till etc etc.

Just take them in with you! Put them in a pushchair or a trolley. They are much safer than being left alone.

Oblomov · 20/11/2013 15:52

As the thread goes on, Op is seeming to be more strange.
To Not consider, working out 'a plan b', is bizarre. To not realise that this does indeed need consideration, questions the Op.

I am finding this more and more bizarre.

Oblomov · 20/11/2013 15:52

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valiumredhead · 20/11/2013 15:54

Oh good grief, so you think an unlocked car is some how better?Confused

I'm out of here.

steff13 · 20/11/2013 15:55

Where I live, there were three separate incidents where a parent went into the gas station to pay, leaving the kids in the car. While the parents were inside, the car was stolen with the kids inside. These all happened in the last year. These are rare cases, but not worth the risk, IMO. In addition, the kids themselves could be kidnapped, the older one could get him or herself unbuckled and perhaps get out of the car, the car could get hit in the parking lot and they could be injured, etc.

What are the risks of taking them into the store - they might touch things on the shelves?

Sirzy · 20/11/2013 15:56

I hope it is oblo

cunexttuesonline · 20/11/2013 15:57

I am sure most people don't think that anything bad is going to happen to them before it does. You have a feckless attitude, the fact that a 1 or 3 year old choking on a biscuit while completely unsupervised didn't occur to you is worrying, considering driving with them in the boot, private/rural area or not and leaving them in a switched off car in november is also worrying. I am glad you didn't do it, but start thinking of the risks!

Your husband was very unreasonable.

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 16:00

I didnt do it no, I wont give them biscuits anymore (as I said upthread) but I certainly wont be dragging them out to shops with me rather than leaving them in the car for five minutes! For a full shop fair enough but to grab a few items?

If i did faint(?) at the shop car outside with children in would probably be a good hint that i was there with my kids

OP posts:
TeaAndSconesTwice · 20/11/2013 16:01

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steff13 · 20/11/2013 16:05

As I said, it's up to you. I wouldn't risk the safety of my children to avoid of bit of inconvenience for myself. And haven't. I have three kids, two who were toddlers at the same time, and I have never left them unattended in the car. You never know what might happen in a few minutes.

TeaAndSconesTwice · 20/11/2013 16:05

1,2,5,10 or 15 minutes why would you leave your children in an unlocked car outside a shop?
Are your children not the most precious people in your life? Even if the risk is small, it's still a risk, I am totally shocked you would even think it was ok to leave children in the dark in the car while you went and did your job!
You need a reality check & sharpish.

Sirzy · 20/11/2013 16:06

And how long would they be sat in the car before that was realised?

Sorry leaving children in the car when you can't see the car is irresponsible and dangerous on so many levels. The chances of something happening may be low but the Risks are still high if something does.

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 16:08

Who said I couldnt see the car? thats a rather large assumption to jump to.

I use the petrol station around 3 times a week, every time I leave my kids in the car and see other people who have left their kids in cars. It cant be that uncommon really!

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 20/11/2013 16:08

What will happen to me before I get back to the car?

My friend used to do this with her baby. She also used to let her sleep in the car on the drive.

Luckily, the day she was told there was smoke coming from her wheel arch, her baby wasn't in the car. My friend wanted to rescue the car seat but didn't have time because, in the time it took her to get out onto the drive, the fire had taken hold and the flames were too hot.

Sirzy · 20/11/2013 16:09

There are very few shops where you can walk up and down aisles to get shopping and still be constantly able to see the car so not really any assumption.

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 16:10

Most petrol stations have large windows where you can look out and see the cars.

its a pretty huge assumption.

I also leave them asleep in the car when i get home and they are in the car. we dont have a driveway (shock horror)

OP posts: