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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take them with me?

470 replies

Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 10:29

So my husband is away at the moment, he 'doesn't know' if he will be back tonight.
I've had to mess work around already this week and I dont think they could cope with me missing my shift tonight :(

My calls are in an incredibly rural location and its really safe round here.
WIBU to take the children? Make a little 'nest' in the back of the car and give them their bottles and put them down to bed in the large boot of our people carrier?

I could dress them up warm and I would only be out for around 2hours with them, checking back regularly and driving inbetween calls every half an hour or so?

I dont know what else to do!

OP posts:
propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 20/11/2013 13:49

You honestly can't do this. Don't give it any further consideration. Either you cancel work or you pay for childcare.

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 13:51

I have cancelled work.

OP posts:
softlysoftly · 20/11/2013 13:51

There is a world of difference between perfect parent and parent who considers for 1 second the solution of driving their child around in the boot of a car. I don't see anyone having a go or claiming to be perfect.

the op with comments about "can and do leave kids in the car asleep" "have messed work about already" "I give them biscuit while I go in and do my work" gave those impressions herself.

ballstoit · 20/11/2013 13:51

Some of what you're saying makes sense, and I think it's great that your work try to be flexible.

However, YWBU to drive around with your dc, without them being belted in. My brother has a Harry Potter style scar on his forehead from hitting the windscreen in a bump as a baby. He was thrown from his carry cot, which was strapped in, as was the norm 40 years ago. My Dad was driving on an estate road at less than 30 mph, and was hit from begin by a faster moving vehicle.

Goldmandra · 20/11/2013 13:57

Geckos, I know you've sorted it this time but could you find a local teenager who could come round with you and sit in the car with the children between calls if it happens again?

it might be easier to find someone to do that than someone to have them at home.

Fleta · 20/11/2013 13:58

I'm actually even more surprised that you think its ok to cart ill children around with you to do your job.

So you pick up a child with d&v, potentially come into contact with the bug and then go visit vulnerable people in their home?

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 13:59

I doubt it will happen again, My husband never usually goes away on trips and I know for next time not to trust when he is coming back.

I would most certainly not take a teenager who i didnt know round to vulnerable peoples homes

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 20/11/2013 14:00

Why scared they might nick your car?!?!

Thumbwitch · 20/11/2013 14:01

Chipped, I have read the thread, thanks.

Goldmandra · 20/11/2013 14:01

I would most certainly not take a teenager who i didnt know round to vulnerable peoples homes

I hope you wouldn't leave a teenager you didn't know in charge of your children either!

Obviously I was suggesting you used someone suitable, not just some random stranger off the street Hmm

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 14:03

No I wouldnt leave someone I didnt know well in charge of the children, mostly because I think someone they dont know very well being here would be as worrying for them as being in a dark car.

I wouldn't ever take a person to a vulnerable persons house because it is a security risk.

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 20/11/2013 14:05

What a stressful situation for you. Glad it is now sorted.

I agree that you should try to find a responsible teenager - not to take with you, but who you can leave babysitting your DC. Get to know them first by asking them to come round and look after the DC for an hour whilst you are in the house.

MrsOakenshield · 20/11/2013 14:06

great that you've managed to get it sorted. I would still speak to DH to ensure he understands that your work responsibilities are as important as his. Good that your work sound flexible, pity all employers can't be, hey.

I would prep a babysitter just in case - a friend has done this for the odd occasion that both she and her DH have to work late, and she's also used her on other occasions when either her CM or nursery can't oblige - just a useful back up to have, in any eventuality.

Goldmandra · 20/11/2013 14:08

Geckos, I don't know why you're being so argumentative.

You posted asking for ideas, I made a suggestion that might help you out if this happens again.

I didn't advocate you using a stranger. I assumed you'd have the good sense to use a teenager you trusted.

I'm sorry I bothered Hmm

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 14:08

My husband is actually driving me mad

its the 'hands up, nothing i can do' aspect of it that really winds me up.

I feel like I take responsiblity for everything that we do that is nice and for everything that goes on, he cannot even bring himself to sort out one of the kids christmas or birthday gifts and when shit like this happens its like he doesnt care.

OP posts:
Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 14:11

Where am I 'being argumentative'?

OP posts:
TantrumsAndBalloons · 20/11/2013 14:12

She gave them a biscuit not a bloody lit firework.

Perspective............?

valiumredhead · 20/11/2013 14:17

Yes,a biscuit, unsupervised in a locked car, very young children-no safety issues then?

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 14:19

Nope, never lock the car.

OP posts:
BrandybuckCurdlesnoot · 20/11/2013 14:34

The conversation with your husband and work should have gone like this :

"We need you to change your plans and leave later"

"Sorry, I can't. My wife is working and I don't have childcare".

It's not ok to leave children unsupervised in a car, especially a 1 and 3 yr old. Whether you're working or popping into a shop. Take them with you.

BrandybuckCurdlesnoot · 20/11/2013 14:35
  • "take them with you" into the shop.
turnaroundbrighteyes · 20/11/2013 14:50

Really glad work seem to think very highly of you and have swapped your shift.

Wouldn't ever drive, even slowly, in a car with a one year old not strapped in. All it takes is something to run out, another vehicle to hit you, etc and he would most likely be very badly hurt when he hit the seat of the car.

Running in a house with laundry, leaving car locked I'd be okay with. They are safe, secure and you'd be gone similar time to taking rubbish to the bin. Unlocked, personally, I wouldn't. Any longer, I wouldn't.

Taking them into the house could invalidate your employers insurance so could be a disaster all round if something went wrong.

Glad your husband committed to 6pm in the end, hope he's realised you need his support !

Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 15:18

No he is being a complete cunt to be honest.

There is absolutely no way it is safer for me to get my two kids out of the car and take them into every shop with me. Its just a ludicrous suggestion.

I mean seriously what is going to happen to them in the 5 minutes I am in the shop?

OP posts:
Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 15:24

I've told him he should have been more supportive of the situation and acted like he was IN the situation rather washing his fucking hands of us and he has responded by telling me he is dreading coming home and that I am unreasonable and he shouldnt have to deal with this shit etc etc etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Geckos48 · 20/11/2013 15:26

he said it is irrelevant because he is going to be home by six anyway so me fretting over what to do with the kids is pointless.

He doesnt seem to understand that I couldnt just leave it as a 'maybe' because I needed to know what to do with our kids! Something he just doesnt give a shit about obviously.

OP posts:
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